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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help - husband has been texting a woman

109 replies

user1486246880 · 17/08/2017 20:02

I have just discovered today when my husband left his phone open next to me that my husband of 15 years (with whom I have three children) has been texting another woman.
I never look at the phone and a message had popped up and I saw it then scrolled through whatsapp and there were so many messages. Some saying miss you baby ❤️ And some photos - I didn't see anything beside a headshot but this girl looks in her Twenties. My husband is 40.
I never thought for a minute he would do something like this and I feel so betrayed and so confused.
I don't know the extent of it he says they go back 6 weeks.
I showed him the phone and asked if he would like to explain it to me. He immediately panicked and deleted everything so I can't see anything. I couldnt see much as it was all in Spanish as ahe is South American. He is English. But had.l been writing in Spanish using google translate.
I asked if they have met or done anything together and he furiously denies anything and says it was just chatting and that he wanted attention. What if I hadn't found it today?
He told me he bought her a months gym membership at pure gym that she asked for money.
We have a pretty normal relationship for a couple with three children with what id consider to be a healthy regular sex life. I am jus let baffled and don't know what to do or what to believe.
I really would appreciate advice from anyone who has been in this situation or also what others think about what I've found. Thank you.

OP posts:
TinyRick · 17/08/2017 20:07

He bought her a gym membership?

That alone would have my brain screaming 'nope'

End it

AnyFucker · 17/08/2017 20:08

He has shagged her

No one buys a gym membership for someone they are not in a relationship with

How often does he "go to the gym" ?

MadamePomfrey · 17/08/2017 20:09

He deleted the messages = he is hiding something and I agree you don't pay for gym membership for a 'friend'

user1486246880 · 17/08/2017 20:10

It's really strange. He's denying anything happens but you wouldn't write to someone for 6 weeks without meeting up surely ?
The gym membership thing is really odd I saw a mention of it and asked him. Then asked him to show me the bank account as we have separate ones and it was there. He says she conned him and has also asked for a Rolex 🤔It's all really strange to me and I just don't know if I believe him ... he's begging me to forgive him says he's made a mistake etc and that it's all to do with his mother passing away a few years ago.

OP posts:
doowapwap · 17/08/2017 20:12

Have they actually met? Sounds like she's conning him or it's like a sugar daddy situation?

I'm not excusing it, it's shocking behaviour

Happytobefree17 · 17/08/2017 20:13

Sorry OP but I think he's been unfaithful and wouldn't have fessed up had it not been for you seeing those texts

Hunkle · 17/08/2017 20:13

He would have blocked her number if it was unwanted attention.

user1486246880 · 17/08/2017 20:14

I can only piece bits together. I have no more information.
I'm not an unattractive woman esp after three children so i don't understand the motive at all. He said he went on a chat room and found her there and has been writing since.

OP posts:
Forgettheworld · 17/08/2017 20:14

It could be possible they've not met. Has he said where he met her? It could be a scam and it could be anyone he's messaging and sending gifts to. Even if it is a scam it would seem he wanted it to go further. I wouldn't be able to get past this.

AnyFucker · 17/08/2017 20:14

You are engaging with his bullshit ? Confused

SonicBoomBoom · 17/08/2017 20:16

He says she conned him and has also asked for a Rolex 🤔It's all really strange to me and I just don't know if I believe him...

You'd be right to not believe him. It's a load of nonsense.

he's begging me to forgive him says he's made a mistake etc and that it's all to do with his mother passing away a few years ago

It's nothing to do with his mother. That's just a handy excuse to make you feel like a cow for dumping him when he's 'having such a hard time'. Thankfully, you're not that stupid...

BackInTheRoom · 17/08/2017 20:16

Oh no, not another one! Since I rejoined Mumsnet recently, I see so many men (particularly middle aged men) 'chatting' to young women on social media apps. My take is that their DW's are so busy with working and kids etc that these manchildren need their egos stroked by other women. It makes my blood boil. Sorry OP, I'm not being very helpful (cause it happened to me after nearly 18 years married).

user1486246880 · 17/08/2017 20:17

I don't trust him. I'm listening but I've told him we need to separate that if this ever happened it's what I'd do. It's a huge betrayal.

OP posts:
mswater · 17/08/2017 20:18

This might sound a little strange but is there a chance he met her on one of those strange sites where women look for a "sugar daddy"? (That's my first reaction to him having apparently immediately started buying things for her.)

BackInTheRoom · 17/08/2017 20:18

Most affairs are with work colleagues.... I know this because I googled the shit out of 'Affairs'!

user1486246880 · 17/08/2017 20:18

And did you leave Bibbidee?

OP posts:
Categoric · 17/08/2017 20:20

Ask him if he will pay for a Rolex and a gym membership for me please since he's so generous. I am sure he will say no. When he does, ask him what the young Spanish lady did to serve them.

Categoric · 17/08/2017 20:21

*deserve not serve!

Categoric · 17/08/2017 20:23

Oh and this isn't about you, how attractive you are or how much sex you have. It's about his sordid little desires.

notapizzaeater · 17/08/2017 20:23

If he Had nothing to hide why would he delete the messages ?

user7680 · 17/08/2017 20:23

Sorry but he's in love with the other woman if he's already making an effort to text her in her language paying for gym membership etc

Dragonflycushion · 17/08/2017 20:28

Sorry that this isn't what you want to hear but there's not a cat in hell's chance that you know all there is to know about what's been going on.
Flowers

BackInTheRoom · 17/08/2017 20:28

No I didn't leave OP. My DH dumped me in a cafe of a well know supermarket without warning with the 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' bullshit for (I'm having a secret affair), drove home and packed his bags leaving myself and the kids in shock😱

inlectorecumbit · 17/08/2017 20:29

this screams of guilt-- the immediate deleting of all conversations, the begging forgiveness.
This is family money he has spend on this woman-and he didn't do it for no return.
I think he has met her and shagged her.

You need to ask him to leave to at least give you a bit of space to work out what is going on

Painfulpain · 17/08/2017 20:32

Hold on...is she IN South America?