I lost my closest friend to my husband (no affair involved!)

[revolution909]

Basically my closest friend and my DH have become so close that it's impossible to rant about him with her as she feels she's right in the middle. I also realised she clearly has more friends than me (she used to claim she didn't) and basically have felt like a bit of a loser the past few days. I actually have no more friends than her and that realisation makes me want to cry. I work full time from home.. so that makes things a lot more difficult. I've tried with the mums from school and we just don't click. i think my best bet is joining my local running club as I spent most of my free time running. But yes in a nutshell I'm kind of sad I've lost her to my husband! I was happier with her being primarily my friend and that she was just "friendly" with DH.

Yup as in huge, you got that comment meltingmarahmallows. BTW I haven't felt any change in him. My only red flag is that he panicked once he thought she heard us having an argument.

So she now shuts you down when you want to have a moan about your DH, does she shut him down when he wants to moan about you I wonder. If not, then they're already having an emotional affair

Why would he panic if she heard you both arguing. Is he maybe presenting his best side to her, and doesn't want her to see him in a bad light...

Yes, you're @rightknockered he always wants to present his both side originally I thought to both of them, but certainly her

So she now shuts you down when you want to have a moan about your DH, does she shut him down when he wants to moan about you I wonder. If not, then they're already having an emotional affair

^^ This

She definitely shuts me down I dont know about their private conversations

I'd ask him kindly to back off of her as she is your friend.
See what happens.

Bur he has agreed to back off, it was me who thought it was unfair. The dynamics of the friendship have already changed, I don't think I can do much about it

They have private conversations?

I thought you all socialized together.
How often are the two of them alone together?

(for them to have had private conversations they must be on their own, I presume)

This is dangerous. It's Not normal for a husband to be best friends with a female friend of yours. And she is no friend of yours if she is engaging in becoming so close to your husband. I would not trust either of them, it's probably leading to an affair if it hasn't already. There isn't room for 3 of you in your relationship, chances are she will push you out.

Only you really know them. The rest is conjecture on this thread to some extent...
But from what you've said it doesn't sound great. The whole "my DH, your DH says this about looks" seems childish. I can't really imagine that conversation happening between most adults.
Maybe her DH wants an affair with you. Maybe she's fully aware of it and wants some kind of revenge.
It doesn't sound good. Why the hell do they need to be best friends with each other? Sorry, but your husband should be the closest person to you and the private conversations are weird. The comments on her body as well. I think you need a bit of distance from her.

Totally agree with happy, I'm afraid.

Sorry, right.

Well they've been by (not.for.long but they have) I have been.by myself with her DH I.never thought of it as big deal.

Are you sure they aren't swingers and they have their eyes on you two?

My grammar was atrocious in my previous post! @machinebee DH joked about it along long time ago, but no, they definitely aren't swingers we'd know by now

Not judging anyone btw, but it could be an explanation.

Anyway, all the best OP. Canvassing opinion on MN certainly gives you unvarnished perspectives!

I know! But no, definitely not! I do love them dearly they're the only people I've felt I can be myself without being judged

I don't get your trading down comment. My husband is far from traditionally good looking but I can't imagine thinking he would be anyone's trade down. I still think he's way out of league even though he (describes himself) as looking like a character from Alien, because he's such a totally epic, amazing bloke

I know it's down to taste, but we're comparing Jonah Hill to Tom Hardy. I mean it's like I love Jason Segel, but I know that objectively Ryan Gosling is better looking. I'd still prefer Jason Segel, but I know most ladies would prefer Ryan.

??
To be fair, I wouldn't be making that comment about DH and I'd be pretty devastated if he did that to me.
Sorry, it sounds like you're all revelling in the "drama" of it all. Who fancies who etc.
Each to their own, but if you were ok with it, surely you wouldn't be posting here?
Definitely get a bit of space from then before it all ends in tears.

*them

But I never really thought they fancied each other until this post. I was mostly "sad" that my closest friend was close enough gh to my DH that she felt caught in the middle so the dynamics of our friendship have changed.

Only you know that. Whatever is said on here may be of no use tbh.
But the information you've shared does seem to point to that and I hope you get it resolved. With absolute honesty and from experience- I would not trust a woman who goes out of her way to be friends with your other half. Sorry.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you can view your OH so objectively and state he would be a 'trade down' ... I'm not sure he's the one for you.