#3 He IS having an affair

[worldupsidedown]

Ok, here we go for round #3 in which we know DH is having an affair, and does not give a flying fuckof 25 years inc 19 years of marriage or respect for his LW and DD and now we try to establish what the hell thinks he's going to do next and hopefully learn about the YOWHLTF while trying to keep a calm and dignified posture

Definitely cancel the cc that's in your name. Don't allow him to any any line of credit/bank account that has your name attached where he can run up debts in your name.

MN is certainly a world in itself isn't it! Supportive, inspiring, cathartic. I don't think I'd be getting through this without you all, possibly better than I would if I turn to friends or family. I've not told my mum yet, she'll most likely turn it to my fault, she's so tactless. I have no siblings, my dad passed away 2 years ago today, parents divorced when I was about 2 and he barely showed his face and I abandoned every attempt I tried to form a relationship, despite all that I sorted out his final months, hospital- care home- funeral. He has one remaining brother who Wales.

What am utter bastard he's being. I'm so so sorry.

Revenge is a dish best served cold - it's without question that YOW will tire of him fairly quickly without the thrill of the illicit. There's no fool like an old fool.

Good for you world you have spoon fed this cretin for too long. As his wife who loves him I get it, I'm the same with my oh none of them appreciate it. Don't make his life easy anymore.

Actually reading your post about your discussion makes me sad but relieved for you at the same time. There is no real false promises of trying and not really being in it. Clean cuts from now on. What are you studying btw?

I think you will be fine and when/if your ready I'm sure there is someone out there for you but first I suggest getting yourself some bad ass gfs , they are great often much better than any bloke for your happiness lol.

You just call the cc people and they stop it immediately. Just tell him that as he has been using your cc account to facilitate his affair, it is no longer possible for him to use it. Well done you. You are handling things very well. He's really going to help you stop loving him very quickly. He sounds like such a pillock.

Oh, apparently YOW was engaged until about six months ago, my guess is it was at that time the first incident took place.

OP as someone who has divorced I don't think living so close to each other (him in the annexe) is good for your emotional well-being.
Also, until you divorce you share all assets and debts. So if he runs up credit card debts you will be liable.
Seek advice it really could be in your interest to push for divorce sooner rather than later.

Has he thought what she might want from him though. She is 33 does she want kids, marriage??? Obviously if she was engaged that was something she was thinking of doing.

He is likely to lose his daughter through this and with your experience with your dad that will be hard for you.

Did he mebtion when he was going to tell you about all of this, if you hadn't rumbled him this week World? Was the sailing weekend always a cover for this trip to Athens? What a selfish b.
Well done not letting him have it all his own way.

P.S. Does MYOW know he's married yet?

I'm going to do an ITEC in Aromatherapy

They have worked together for two years you would presume so.

Just to add when I divorced we has been married 18 years, together 22 years. I needed a clean break to sort my head.
My eldest was same age as your DD. I ensured he always had space to study. I sold up and moved, it did not impact negatively on his GCSEs. He was settled ready for A levels.
It worked better for me to settle while they were in school. I stayed local so the DC could stay at school.

Awesome I studied aromatherapy and massage it's brilliant. Enjoy.

She's 33, still lives in a shared house, is doing a degree that won't enhance her earning power, and now she's found a rich old fool to take care of her? She'll be "accidentally" pregnant by the end of the year.

I'd cut and run now, world, this is only going to get messier. And the plan for him to move into the annexe and wait to seek the house til you've done your course has "lawyer's advice" written all over it.

I'm also doing a L2 facials & skincare course in October, it's only 2 days a week for three weeks plus case studies and more local

I wouldn't assume that the other woman is only in it for the weekends away. She is 33, she has been engaged, she may want to settle down and have children. The 'fling' the former husband of my divorced friend embarked on with a younger colleague turned into marriage and three children. So he ended up with five children to support.

Can you have it written into your settlement that any maintenance he pays for DD WILL NOT be reduced in the event he has more children?

I've been reading all the threads but haven't posted before. Just really wanted in particular to wish you good luck (and a thick skin......) with your mother. I broke up with a fiance weeks before a wedding (he had someone else too, very predictable) yet my mother's first question was what I'd done to make him go! Wishing you strength and all the best.
Hope you've found a solicitor you like too - I'm guessing you are reasonably local to me - Penningtons in Godalming (which might be a bit too far the other way?) has a good Family Law dept if you don't want to try a London firm.

Definitely cancel the cc. He can get another one or an overdraft or whatever he fucking wants in his name. Not cancelling the cc is basically you willingly keeping a link with him and goes against and undermines everything else you're doing.

Massive alarm bells going off to get the financials sorted asap. As PP have said, get the divorce under way now, cancel the CC and sort out the money as a matter of urgency. You have the admission of adultery. By the time he can move into the annexe he may not have the right to do so, and you could be financially separate from him and not care how or where he lives.

I would also defer the course. It's just going to complicate things.

Yes, I need to get myself covered in the event his relationship with OW could take a more serious long term turn. I'm sure my 'nagging' will pale into insignificance when he goes from this relationship and lifestyle when he gets tied down with a young family and wife who definitely won't let him swan off on sailing weekends and little adventures he dreamed of

Get advice from SHL before doing anything like cancelling credit cards. Presumably as a SAHM you have no income of own (unless independently wealthy) and it could get v tit for tat over £ and petty over everyday expenses.

I defo would get a spreadsheet detailing all outgoings for both of you for period since affair started but be prepared for him to do same.

Take advice from SHL on living arrangements and your course before committing to anything. You may be get spousal maintenance whilst studying for a career - I did :o)