#3 He IS having an affair

[worldupsidedown]

Ok, here we go for round #3 in which we know DH is having an affair, and does not give a flying fuckof 25 years inc 19 years of marriage or respect for his LW and DD and now we try to establish what the hell thinks he's going to do next and hopefully learn about the YOWHLTF while trying to keep a calm and dignified posture

Ouch Cersie if that's true that's really sad.

And of course a beautiful, clever, funny forty- or fifty-something woman might reject him in favour of a younger, fitter and firmer man

A mutual friend off us left his wife to live with another woman.

The wives were all ''I don't know what he sees in her:
(OW was fairly scruffy and lazy and wasn't even that attractive)
amid much concern for the wronged wife.

I overheard eavesdropped on the husbands in our friendship group, discussing the same man and it was all:
''You heard the latest about X''
''What?''
''He's left Y for a young girl''
''No way!''
''She's only 22?''
''Wow, really? Fancy that''
''Did'n't know he had it in him!''
''Bloody hell! 22!''

They seemed more impressed by her age than any other attribute. They didn't care that he was throwing his life away, to live in a pokey flat, or that he'd badly hurt his wife and children.
It was all about the fact he'd 'bagged' himself a 22 year old.
(Not a very good 22 year old) But that didn't matter.
She was 22!!!!!!

I think that's the difference between men and women.
Men value youth above everything.
And it never stops.

Quite depressing really.

Absolutely Schnitzel . XH was 14 years older than me. I now date men the same age or younger. The older ones just don't do it for me anymore

DD just shared a text with me. He sent it about the time he left this morning

Hi. I know you don't want to talk to me. But you need to know how unhappy I've been these last few years. You know the relationship with your mother and me has been so difficult. We need to make a fresh start. Which does not mean I stop being your father and stop loving you. I will always be there for you. Please take care of your mother and been strong for her. Next few weeks will be tough but then things will get better. X

He's re-writing the script.

But you need to know how unhappy I've been these last few years. You know the relationship with your mother and me has been so difficult

He's changing history to justify his actions.

I meant
He's Following the Script and re-writing history.

Next step I'll email them to him for his perusal and suggest he chooses one before he goes away this week so I can arrange an appointment for both us ext week next week. Sweepstake on him telling me to choose.

I disagree that you suggest he choose... why give him that power? Suggest you choose and tell him which one and that you will make the appt for the week he is back. Do NOT give this man any say in what happens now.

Did she reply?

Just to clarify: I suggest that you choose the one you want and tell him. Not that you suggest to him that you will choose.

No, she didn't reply, instead she told me the relationship started to break down when he took up playing his guitars two years ago

He doesn't get the final say on choice of mediator, at least making him choose will hopefully make him realise what we are doing. He's replied he'll look tomorrow, I know he's now got three busy full on day/evenings away this week

So he thinks it's a child's job to mop up his mess by looking after another adult that he's treating badly. Wow. He's special!

OP, you seem to have an amazing ability to make up acronyms as you go.

"Take care of your mother" wtf...
I cannot believe he's told her to be strong for you.. who's being strong for her??? He has been awful to you OP obvs but seriously the way he is treating his daughter is tragic.. Don't let him get back to you tmrw re mediation options- he's had quite enough of his own choices played out recently.. pick the one you feel is best for you and your daughter..

Oh bloody hell - the rewriting history bit. My DSDs got the whole 'I've been so unhappy' spiel. He missed dancing apparently. The DSDs pointed out that we danced a lot. He never once suggested we go out to a club or something. While he was turning me into the wife from hell he even managed to say that I didn't like wraps (the eating kind). Yes, he got that desperate. As the DSDs took great glee in pointing out I often had a wrap for lunch. The list of my sins was endless.

I think that what he meant to say was "when I make a prawn wrap for your lunch you don't repeatedly pat me and praise me for this incredible achievement and reward me with a blow job like OW does"

XH also tried to pull the whole 'meet OW - she's just a supportive friend' stunt on the DSDs. As soon as they told me I put them in the picture that this was an affair partner not JUST a supportive friend.

Do keep your sense of humour through these bleak times. The desperation around the reinvention of your relationship in an attempt to justify his actions can be quite entertaining.

If your DD noticed a marked change in his behaviour I'll bet that's when he first started shagging around.

'Look after your mother' wow, he's passed the buck.

What a prize cunt he really is.

I would not give him the option of choosing or having an opinion, if he is too busy it will only delay matters. Do your own research on the one which is right for you, your solicitor has recommended them for you, not him, send the invitation anyway.

Although I don't agree with him telling your daughter to be strong and look after you, he does need to contact her and maintain a relationship with her. It would appear that she has already noticed things that you did not, our children are far more perceptive than we give them credit for.

Nanna50's words are wise - I agree completely.

You should choose the solicitor you want and make appointment. Do what's best for you.

While he was turning me into the wife from hell he even managed to say that I didn't like wraps (the eating kind). Yes, he got that desperate. As the DSDs took great glee in pointing out I often had a wrap for lunch. The list of my sins was endless.

Beenthere, that made me laugh.

I think that what he meant to say was "when I make a prawn wrap for your lunch you don't repeatedly pat me and praise me for this incredible achievement and reward me with a blow job like OW does"

Yes, OP!
You sound as if you have a good sense of humor (like Beenthere)
Try to hang on to it!

World, at least these texts are showing you exactly what sort of a man he is, and may make it easier for you to feel that breaking up is the best thing.
I think he started seeing this woman, or possibly another one, two years ago.
All the sudden guitar playing is him deliberately detaching from family life. You've been aware of it for a long time, just not the full reasons for it. He's a selfish, spineless man to have let this situation go on for so long without saying anything to you.
It's also quite possible that he has cheated on the OW already, with the one you found the card from.
Onwards and upwards for you from here on! or alternatively 'always look on the bright side of life'.
I hope your day is going well.

You know the relationship with your mother and me has been so difficult. We need to make a fresh start

How could your dd have known it had got to stage where he could justify shagging around, or even that her df was the sort of low life who would? He didn't even talk to you about his feelings to you so how's he expecting her to have correctly read his feelings from the past 2 years.

What an utter cunt. His text has just robbed dd of any happy memories she might have had from the past 2 years as she'll question everything from your family memories now.

What an utter cunt. His text has just robbed dd of any happy memories she might have had from the past 2 years as she'll question everything from your family memories now

Selfish.

Two years ago he'd have been coming up to 50, right? Cliched, much?