#3 He IS having an affair

[worldupsidedown]

Ok, here we go for round #3 in which we know DH is having an affair, and does not give a flying fuckof 25 years inc 19 years of marriage or respect for his LW and DD and now we try to establish what the hell thinks he's going to do next and hopefully learn about the YOWHLTF while trying to keep a calm and dignified posture

That's an amazing track by the way for anyone going through this kind of shit. Another great one is Prefab Sprouts , when love breaks down . OP, I am sure you are a smart cookie, like many of us you don't want to seem vicious, , even when life deals you a shit sandwich but in this case he deserves or a dose of shit hot lawyer.

Loads of great advice. I had a combination of cash and pension share as part of my divorce. I had not really considered his pension when we first separated. I am now pleased that I know I have financial security now and in the future.

further to what Beenthere said, don't skip any paps for the next few years at least. I got my first ever abnormal pap with HPV positive (agressive strain) and had to have minor surgery to remove severe abnormal precancerous cells. most likely exposed to it by stbx.

If she's meeting her in her home country of Greece, I wonder if he is meeting her family. As pp have said, that would definitely point to it being more serious / going on longer than he's making out.

If he is meeting her family, it would suggest she's quite traditionally minded, which would point to her wanting marriage, babies etc.

It's a lot of conjecture of course, but it crossed my mind.

Meeting her family also suggests she doesn't know he's married.

It just gets worse, doesn't it? Love the leaving the taramasalata wrapper out.

I loved the song lyrics your DD sent you. She is very sweet.

I hope all goes well with the lawyer tomorrow.

World, I suspect that you discovered your husbands affair before he was ready to finish things on HIS terms. I suspect he's scrambling to keep his public image (with parents and friends) by "trying to reconcile" - but given how he continues to behave, I think that this is a front to save face and gather time to get his legal ducks in order, so that the divorce is less unfavourable to him. Perhaps I'm overly suspicious but good luck with the solicitors, World.

He's a lying cheating piece of shit and I absolutely think that he's still lying to you / playing you for a fool, to ensure he has his ducks in a row.

Thank you all again for your valuable advice once again. I was just wondering earlier what % of divorces are cited by women on grounds of MLC style adulterous?

Oh, and I bet she doesn't know any of the classic lines from Life of Brian or Ferris Bueller or a single episode of The Young Ones!

Well well well op.
And as the digging begins so does the truth eh.

Now you can see why he's so desperate to keep things amicable because he's still not being truthful with you or his parents and probably not with the ow either I would imagine.

If he's found it that easy to lie and keep this sort of betrayal hidden you can imagine what else he will be keeping to himself.

Just make sure you aim for what you deserve.

If you can quote Life of Brian, Bueller & Young Ones, then you are the winner!

He is a loser of magnanimous proportions and such an entitled twat.

btdt and did all the nice things like offer to keep staying under one roof etc. so my tuppence is move out/on straight away. It gets all the trauma dealt with at once. Also, sleep and healthy food habits will evade you. Allow the grief process, but try to eat a little bit every day. The sleep will eventually return.

Also, lists. Lots of lists. Not just things that need to be done but also the "What I choose to do next" "What I'm going to do for me" lists.

This new you is fabulous!

Can't sleep, her poetry in my head.

Can't sleep, her poetry in my head

OP, here's another wee ditty for you to remember. Not that you're the one who'll be living it in the future.

Which way do I turn?
To the the right where there's nothing left?
Or the left where there's nothing right?

Im told its now on my husbands OW's Facebook page as her profile.

I know it's so tempting to find out what you can about her, what she looks like etc. Etc. Try not to beyond the info you need for the divorce. It won't necessarily bring you closure - you will just torture yourself. Who she is and what she is doesn't matter. He has done what he has done. Save your strength for your own healing and for your daughter.

The OW is nothing to you. HE is nothing to you . Keep repeating that.

You don't need more evidence.
Stay strong.

Fabulous advice from the previous poster.

Get the sense that if it was not the OW, it would be somebody else. He was on the hunt for somebody, to alleviate his MLC, and she is the one that said yes. Nothing to do with you Worlds, all about him.

Somebody said that she is probably traditional and him meeting her family in Greece is part of that. Not sure if that is a tradition in Greece - greeting the husband of somebody who has left his wife and DD to run off with somebody else. What's the betting they are both playing that part of their romance down.

This has mid life crisis written all over it really...
I wonder when he'll wake up with horror and realise what a cliche he has become.

Poetry-ugh.

Here's one you could send them

There once was a man with grey hair
God awful new shirts he did wear
To shag in three weeks
A younger woman who was Greek
All was great until OP took her share. (of half his savings and pension)

I hope you are ok OP... I found that talking to my lawyer made me feel much better as it goes. I know that sounds awful and mercenary but the uncertainty about what would happen didn't help with how crap I was feeling. At least being on the right track with that means you can tentatively make plans for the future. Another one saying pay attention to the pension. I almost didn't, but then was very glad I did!

OP - this might be a difficult ask but did he want more children previously with you?

Good luck with talking to your solicitor today :)

Definitely go for pension.

My ex was a serial aldulterer. Because I stayed I couldn't use aldultery as grounds (courts deemed I had condoned it) and had to go for unreasonable behaviour. That meant I needed to provide a list to support it. As PP said upthread, didn't make any difference to outcome, but it rankled at the time.

Try not to dwell on OW. STBxH is responsible for his marriage vows, not her. Sure, not great behaviour from her, but you don't know what lines he's spun her. Even if she came on to him, he could have walked away.

What an absolute tool.

Oh no I'm 32 and a massive fan of the young ones and life of Brian but I honestly don't love Ferris Bueller do I need to leave the thread now.

Delurking after making my way through your threads to say stay strong op.

I also think this has gone on longer than a few weeks. Dedicated poetry books etc..

I imagine if she's from a strong and traditional Greek background the true story of how she began her relationship with a married middle aged father of one behind his faithful wife's back will go down like a cup of cold sick with her family. If they tell the truth, that is. 😒

What a way to begin a foundation for a relationship - based on hiding, lies and insecurity. They deserve all they get.

You will go from strength to strength. Keep your dignity, and hold your head high. Live your life well. I have heard only on mumsnet this saying, but I have found through experience that this is the best way forward.

Sorry Timefortea bit of a cross post there!