DW's gone away for a few nights...

[HoppyDaddy]

... and I'm glad.

We had the biggest bust up of our relationship at the weekend. It nearly came to me being thrown out.

Time apart will give us time to miss each other again.

There, that's better.

The only thing that's changed, is that she's going to the gym and feeling good. Ahhh the new pill she's on has put her on a constant period for the last 3 weeks so we've had no sex.

Maybe she thought i wanted to take my frustration out on cm. But then why say, after the row, "I know there was no intent, i didnt mean it?"

hoppy-- can you get a new childminder???

sounds like despite it all, she still views herself as old and past it. and comparing herself to a 22 year old won;t help

sounds like low self esteem and she is panicking and taking it out on the person closest to her, which is the way of the world!!

sounds like she's been feeling crap about herself (despite appearances).

No matter what you say to her about how fantastic she is, I imagine she's had a moment of realisation - we look at our bodies and come to the conclusion that we're just not as svelte and err unwrinkled as a 22 yr old with no kids.

It happens!

and yes, it's exactly the sort of insecurity that plays on your mind when you have PMT (it used to be the only time of the month when I thought I was really fat )!

HD...no honey....i'd be hurt that i'd been 'tested'.

She does think that EVERY woman on earth sees me as irrisistible. Seriously, we have mirrors in our house, so wft?

The thing with the cm is, she's local, loves dd loves her. She works at dds nursery so is perfect for dd. If DW is like this, she'll do this to all cms. She hasn't been off with cm at all, not even funny looks.

Just me.

omg new pill = hormones all over the place (+ long period probably means she's knackered)

My heads hurting again, going over all this.

She makes jokes about me shagging cm or other helpers at nursery. I make jokes about her shagging her rich male friend, who's "stunning" according to dw. She always says "no way, i love and want only you".

So why should I believe her, but she not believe me?

[ding]

hormones

I rest my case

Next!

Thanks to all of you actually. I was wary of posting it all due to DW knowing my MN name but I don't beleive in name changing. She's told all and sundry anyway so fuck it.

I did think that maybe she was completely right. For once, though, I decided that I was right and she was out of order. Only time I've ever not grovelled or apologised. Only time I've actually wondered whether I want marriage to continue, also.

olive, so I should have stopped it all at the beginning by saying "ahhhh, you've just got pmt, don't be so stupid woman"???!?

making jokes about your other half shagging people isnt right HD

when she comes back dont even mention all of this

if hse does, tell her you dont want to talk about it cos it hurt your feelings so much

good point hd.

yes, and patted her on the head

HD - no. no no NO!

RE the "aaah..."

And don't get another CM either. That would simply validate what your dw is saying, in some mad way.

I say these obvious things in case you take what these other women are telling you as if it was fact.

Subtext and hidden agenda are at the heart of womanly language!

As my dd says, hugs make everything better.

Welcome her back with open arms.
Tell her how much you love and missed her.
Book a babysitter (not the cm).
Have a sexy night in.

Never ever ever invite CM round for dinner/takeaway again.

no HD, but I do think there are times (esp when hormones are involved) when your thoughts tend to be more irrational than normal.

I'm not excusing what she said but if this was very out of character for her, it may go some way to helping you understand. And if she's had problem bleeding, it may be that her hormones are a bit problematic at the moment and believe me, they can make you very tetchy and short tempered.

You sound very hurt but I think you need to take a step back - she obviously loves you, probably feels a bit guilty that you haven't been getting enough sex, feels a bit frumpy and has lashed out. What it sounds like she needs is some extra loving and understanding from you.

Blu, so everyone saying they agree with me, here, is actually TESTING me?

DW loves to make me squirm, usually I don't mind cos I don't see any harm in her comments. Recently she said "cm is very pretty, don't you think? you'd give her one, wouldn't you?" When I said "course not, dear" I got, "don't lie, you're a man, you can't pretend she's ugly, blah blah blah".

By the way, DW is stunning, the most striking and beautiful woman I have ever seen. She seems to stand out, while trying not to.

fimbo, cm was the only bbysiter they had

HD, i htink the problem could also be what you were talking about before, that you and dw NEVER EVER EVER go out together

why dont you take her out? as a surprise?

HD....this has touched a nerve with me as Dh does this to me (to a much lesser extent now that i am a sahm)...all because of his insecurities about his age etc etc

Don't put up with it..it's damaging & eats away at you until you actually feel like doing something to justify all the allegations.

It's a problem that they have to sort out,not a problem within your relationship.

foxinsocks, yes that's how i usually react. I make the first move, I apologise for the row (even when not my fault), I say I love you first.

This time, what she said was so pointed and purpose filled and nasty that I just thought "fuck you, not this time".

"youd give her one wouldnt you?" is a sad thing to say to your dh

np, actually you may have a point. I'll sort out dw's sister babysitting soon. Will have to wait til payday but I'll sort something out.

Think that her low self image/worth are at the heart of these comments. She is comparing herself unfavorably to the 22 year old childminder.

Jealousy issues and low self esteem are inextricably linked.

BTW what sort of blooming pill has made her bleed for the last 3 weeks?. That warrants further investigation.

promise you will take her out

even just to the cinema