DH holding me to ransom

[Goingfuckingbonkers]

I've nc'd for this as it's quite outing.

DH, DC and I moved abroad a few months ago. This was a long dreamed of opportunity for both of us. We have had numerous issues throughout the marriage and naively I thought if we could fulfil our dream of moving abroad we might finally be happy.

It didn't work. Our relationship finally broke down while we were away and we came to an agreement that he should return home and move back into our house (which we had rented out) get his old job back and we would try to work through our issues with some distance between us. He came home.

DC and I stayed for a few weeks on our own, everything was going well, they were settled into schools etc. We had to return home for family wedding and a few other important things. DH picked us up from airport.

That night, I looked in my bag to find the DC's passports gone. DH had taken them and told me I could return to our new home abroad without DC. He has since kept hold of the passports and is not budging.

I have flights booked for this coming week for me and DC to go back as per our original agreement. He says the DC cannot go back. He is effectively holding me to ransom here.

Please give me advice, I am desperate.

Does he know that you're aware he's taken the passports?

I'm so sorry OP this sounds awful. He should have just talked to you.

Dies he have current ties to his home country? What is the chance of him using the passports to take them there permanently?

What are his rights to stay in the UK?. Now you are split up does he need his kids resident here to use them for his right to remain?

Quick update to this:
I got one of the passports back, I think he wanted to prove that he is not a flight risk. After that, communication ground to a halt. He wants me and the DC to move back into our old house, as our tenants have just left, and I guess he thinks I will just gradually forget about the life we were trying to establish abroad. I did have some legal advice from Collaborate on here (thank you Collaborate) but in the end I didn't have the money or the willpower to try and get my way. So I'm still here, with the DC, stuck in limbo.

He absolutely wants to rule my life from here on in. He had little interest in the DC while we were together, now suddenly he's playing the part of the devoted dad, concerned for their welfare. He's just got a new job but says he won't be paying into the joint account. He has also given my car to his sister so I feel trapped physically as well. He has really stooped lower than I ever thought possible.

I don't know how to find the strength I am going to need.

Why didn't you get new passports?

Emotional abuse in a relationship is now a criminal offence. Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

I hope you have managed to get some legal advice.

It sounds like this is not about the children/

Sandy I got one of the passports back so I knew he wasn't going anywhere. If I had cancelled the other one and got a new one and gone, he would only have followed me out. I really didn't want to be fleeing with my children or end up abroad having this fight and not knowing my rights.

Haven't spoken to women's aid. Does this class as emotional abuse?

He has also given my car to his sister so I feel trapped physically as well

Who's name is the car in? If yours, can you report it stolen??

Car was in my name. It was up for sale before we left, I had signed the registration papers in advance of it being sold. He parked it at his sister's while waiting to sell it. Then a few days ago he had given it to her and she had signed the registration document!

Minimum, go and get the cr back, he has no right to give it away. Apply for a new passport, take kids back, promise contact, but they need to be settled. What he's doing is utterly unfair on them and he needs to be made to see that.

Ok thanks karma, will start writing a record. Thing is I get so angry when I see him I end up saying things I regret.

Women's aid are always busy! I've left a voicemail.

I haven't read the whole thread so forgive me if this has already been stated.
Briefly, If you both agreed to move to a country that has signed the Hague Convention( Google if not sure). Your DH cannot retain the children in the UK. (Wrongful retention) You urgently need legal advise from a solicitor who has dealt with Hague Convention applications. You should get legal aid for this application. Don't use a solicitor who has no experience in this area.

I would make an urgent application to the Family Courts (get in touch with the High Court if necessary, the staff will tell you how to do this)
You can self represent, Judges are only human, and the reality of being in Court isn't that scary.
You need something "legal" in place that you both have to adhere to and that is in the best interests of the children.
The Courts will recognise that he can't call all the shots, and hopefully will make an appropriate order.

Just updating this thread for more advice.
I made the decision to stay in the UK because I thought the fight to get us all back to the other country was not worth it. So I told my work and my landlord what had happened, moved back into our house with the DC and made an application for universal credit. Now I've just found out I'm not eligible for any benefits because I'm not habitually resident here!

I'm really stumped as to what to do next. I've got no income with which to pay the mortgage or feed my DC. My husband has made himself scarce (after insisting he wanted us to stay because he'd miss the DC too much). Obviously I'm applying for jobs here but it could be ages before something comes up. I'm utterly screwed.

Can you contact the CMS? He should be providing maintenance for the kids, and actually since he was the one that prevented you leaving the country to work, spousal support too. Can you get to a solicitor? I fear it may be your only option.

Whao, Catch 22. No advice but I hope someone wiser can give you a workable solution

Not sure how to advise you love as I don't understand the finer details.
You have a British passport, DH doesn't but DC have British citizenship (or dual nationality?).
You are primary care giver but found work in Europe. Was DH caregiver the last six months/trailing spouse/looking for work/learning the language while DC were in childcare?
You have cleared the bank accounts but are broke as now no income, no benefits and still have to pay abroad/wind things up there?
If you were in Germany then presumably you still need to give 3 months notice on accommodation/and pay out for moving stuff back or sell it. Plus deregistering. Plus stopping health insurance payments. Not sure why kids would not have had automatic residency there as you were working and it was EU.
Unless there was a split year/UK company etc your rented out home in UK would have been declared non-income for tax reasons as you were not yourself going to be ordinarily resident. I think that's the reason you will not get benefits or healthcare for three months after return iirc.
You need to stop your child allowance payments in EU if they are no longer living there (although if not registered as residents you might not have been getting it) in order to reapply here.
Appeal to sister-in-law regarding your car?
Your DH has instigated all this. Where is he living now and what is his response regarding maintenance/double accommodation outgoings for the next quarter?

Cleared the accounts = moved the money so he can't spend it. I've now paid mortgage and rent abroad for the month so that money's gone anyway.
DC would have had automatic residency but you still need to apply for it with legalised documents and statements from both parents. We were in the middle of this process.
We were not getting child allowance there.
I have the car back. Not much use to me anyway as I can't afford to tax and insure it.
He is living with his mum and sister and is telling me I need to hurry up and get a job as "we are both responsible for this situation".