DH holding me to ransom

[Goingfuckingbonkers]

I've nc'd for this as it's quite outing.

DH, DC and I moved abroad a few months ago. This was a long dreamed of opportunity for both of us. We have had numerous issues throughout the marriage and naively I thought if we could fulfil our dream of moving abroad we might finally be happy.

It didn't work. Our relationship finally broke down while we were away and we came to an agreement that he should return home and move back into our house (which we had rented out) get his old job back and we would try to work through our issues with some distance between us. He came home.

DC and I stayed for a few weeks on our own, everything was going well, they were settled into schools etc. We had to return home for family wedding and a few other important things. DH picked us up from airport.

That night, I looked in my bag to find the DC's passports gone. DH had taken them and told me I could return to our new home abroad without DC. He has since kept hold of the passports and is not budging.

I have flights booked for this coming week for me and DC to go back as per our original agreement. He says the DC cannot go back. He is effectively holding me to ransom here.

Please give me advice, I am desperate.

We adopted our children from overseas and the issue of habitual residence came up, one of the key issues is school/work but the family lawyers were all very unwilling to give advice on this.
So I'd say find a solicitor but make sure they are hot on this aspect.

Whatever you do don't go back without them. That would give him ammunition if he wanted residency of them.

*they're not we're

I wouldn't say we're stolen, I would say that they are lost.

I thought that, but as they were taken from her bag... Stolen works.

And please do not lie about the passports- you could end up in serious criminal trouble.

I've contacted Collaborate. Will look at Reunite also.
I have had DC with me every night so far and that will not change.
I will hold fire on reporting passports stolen.

And as I said before, DC are still considered habitually resident in the UK. We had applied for their residency using wrong documents and application was stalled. DH and I have residence permits over there.

Do you think you could find a mediator? I wonder if he needs some sort of written agreement from you that you will return to the UK with DC by X date if it is decided he won't be going back abroad to live with you all?

Don't try to take them without going to court first. You will just have to stay until you have had a hearing and the court decides. Your h is behaving horribly but you have to act within the law here.

Pretty sure holding their passports isn't legally sound as they are the property of the DC not either of you? Hope you can get some good legal advice OP.

this is the passport office's guide to children's passports - have a look in there for all sorts of useful stuff.

Whatever you do don't leave the country without your kids.

Do not leave your kids and don't take them abroad.

Passports are the property of the State, not the passport holder. A parent of a minor with PR hasn't stolen the children's passports by getting hold of them, legally both parent has as much "right" to hold the passports as the other until a court says otherwise.

OP what do you want to do in the medium to long term, stay abroad or return with children to UK? Because if you want to return, putting them into a school abroad for a few months while you work notice etc. and then bringing them back here may not be in their best interests. If you are intending returning, could the children stay here while you go back and sort things out? Something to ask the solicitor about.

The plan about him returning sounded vague at best and although I don't agree with his behaviour, I can understand the fear/reasoning behind it. Your marriage has broken down and different locations was never going to improve it.

I totally get your frustrations at his deception but the dream of living abroad is for now over and the new reality is, life as a single parent.

The sooner you accept your new reality the easier it will be for you to move forward for you and your children. Get legal advice asap because now he has your children's passports, he could leave the country with them.

While every instinct may be to push back against this, what is best for the children should take precedence, and in this situation, and for everybody's mental well being, I would be inclined to abandon the move to Germany, and (seethingly, of course) move back to the UK with immediate effect, as irritating as it is.

Let's just say that this is an absolute imperative for a moment, and you simply don't go back.

Can you:

A) get a job/get your old job back
B) leave kids with your parents for a weekend and go to the flat/house in Germany for your personal effects (and the children's) and leave everything else behind for your husband to sort (as this is his shitstorm, after all - whose bank account is the rent going out of??)
C) set yourself up in a flat/house here in the uK or temporarily move in with family while you get on your feet?

I would be inclined to leave 100% of the "administration" to him as this is 100% his fault.

What are your personal finances like? Are they still linked with his? Can you hit up the family savings to move you and the children into a new home, or are you on your own financially right now?

Is he calling your bluff? Could he actually take care of the children himself if you did go back, even for just a week?

Actually I have a British passport and DH doesn't.

Good plan to leave 100% of the administration to him.
Today I have cleared our joint account (because there is only enough in it for our UK mortgage and rent abroad and I'm worried he'll take it all out) and tomorrow I'll remove his name from account.
He could technically care for the children if I left because he has family here ie his mum would do the actual caring. I will absolutely not leave because several posters have advised it could screw me as regards being main carer. I have decided I will take DC out every day this week and not answer my phone so he will not be able to pop in and out as he pleases as he is currently doing. I think at the moment he has me right where he wants, powerless to do anything.