Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he having an affair?

879 replies

worldupsidedown · 05/08/2017 07:39

Dh has been acting very strange the past couple of weeks. It's all quite sudden and I'm still trying to work out when this all started. Yesterday I spent the day feeling sick to the stomach that maybe he might be having an affair.

Last night he was very late in from work, not too unusual, but when he'd told me earlier in the week he didn't seem bothered, for a Friday night he usually just wants to get home, be with family and hates having to do after work socials/business dinner, etc. When he got in, must have been the last train, he was 'asleep' he didn't put the bedroom light on, just went to the bathroom then got into bed and then was obviously sending/reading on his phone quietly for a minute or so, put the phone down, then a minute or so later picked it up to read something received before putting it down again. Then I could tell he was restless and not going to sleep, normally he's out of it in minutes, but he was like this all night and has been more so recently. He blames it on me snoring/groaning etc, which I know I do but he snores too and he usually sleeps better. He's been downstairs with his iPhone now since about 5:30, I don't think he was trying to sleep on the sofa or something as he made a coffee.

He was acting very strange all the time on holiday last week and this week too. Barely talking to me, avoiding conversation and eye contact at the dinner table etc, no work discussed, funny things, nothing, sense of humour loss and I can't seem to say the right thing. He went for his daily runs in the afternoon on holiday but when he got back he'd do more excises and avoid getting in the pool with me till I got out. Also being careful at what he eats, no dessert. He also seemed to be emailing someone a lot, could be work related but I'm sure it was his gmail app he was using, I saw the coloured background, not phone/work mail and he seemed a little sheepish when using it, and he usually discusses his work stuff with me if there's something going on, nothing mentioned at all. On holiday he slept in the spare room, I didn't mind, his reason was not having slept well because of my keeping him awake and he needed to catch up, so I said I was ok with it, but now I'm wondering if it was ulterior motive.
On our way home,at the airport we sat for a drink and our DD mentioned how he'd been 'grumpy' all holiday, he didn't answer, just grunted and looked away.

I don't know if to let this ride more, just be myself and normal, oblivious, see what he's like this weekend as it's our first home since the holiday, maybe I'm being paranoid, or should I try to get something out of him? I hate confrontation, maybe I should wait, he should explain himself.

On holiday at our villa last week he barely spoke to me or my daughter (15), it's like he's had a sense of humour loss or just in his own world. Also choosing to sit on his own at the far end of the sunbeds, reading and going for a long run late afternoon, this he usually does anyway but this year, instead of straight in the pool to join me he'd faff about and then do some further exercises, pretty much till I was done in the pool.

At the airport, on our way home, my daughter tried to bring up his behaviour and he just grunted and looked away. He's also been non-committal on my suggestions of booking our holiday next year.

We had house sitters staying and at dinner together on their last night he barely spoke to anyone then went to get ready for work the next day

OP posts:
KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 07/08/2017 11:31

Cameras? Which other rooms are the operational in?

user1471729756 · 07/08/2017 11:37

Why r u cancelling cards etc have you found proof he is having an affair. By the way love the camera idea.

worldupsidedown · 07/08/2017 11:39

Other cameras are outside, they trigger if I leave the house and sense movement

Anyway, just called easyJet, wouldn't give me any info at all, only that booked for two

OP posts:
Cherylvole · 07/08/2017 11:44

.

Is he having an affair?
RainbowsAndUnicorn · 07/08/2017 11:46

The bank won't let you cancel his cards as only the card holder can for security reasons and to stop pettiness like this.

Unless you have your own salary I wouldn't mess round with his or you could find yourself with no money whatsoever.

Mustang27 · 07/08/2017 11:47

That's frustrating with the easy jet stuff, shame. Anybody work for them that could do some digging lol.

Mustang27 · 07/08/2017 11:49

They do, worked in banks for last 15yrs if it's a joint account and wife phones up to say hubby has had wallet stolen they wouldn't think twice to stop cards and reorder them.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 07/08/2017 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

smileyhappypeople · 07/08/2017 11:50

No more advice than above, good luck op

anchor9 · 07/08/2017 12:11

He paid for these flights on your joint account!?

TeamCersei · 07/08/2017 12:15

How do u know he drives to the station? He might just say that. Go to the station and see if his car is there?

My thoughts exactly.
On the days he's meeting OW, he might take his car into work.
Can you check if his car is there?

You can't trust anything this man says.
This is a man who is hiding condoms in his bottom drawer.

TeamCersei · 07/08/2017 12:18

I found a small painted wooden horse wrapped in corrugated cardboard with a leaflet about it, it's from Sweden, I've never seen it before, it might have been from his parents, I think they went there fairly recently, I'm not 100%. So what he'd thrown away was The cardboard wrap, but he'd written the letters 'c o a e b'

I wonder if OW has a young child? Hmm

hellsbellsmelons · 07/08/2017 12:40

Just seen this.
I'm so sorry you are going through this OP but you are handling it brilliantly.
No way I could hold my tongue.
Keep going.
Keep gathering evidence.
I hope the solicitor is helpful.

tallfox · 07/08/2017 13:10

Certainly has all the ingredients of an affair.

Raindancer411 · 07/08/2017 13:30

Booked for two? Is he taking a friend or travelling with a friend that you know of?

worldupsidedown · 07/08/2017 13:39

He works in central London, no way would he drive everyday! He parks at the station buys tickets, I see the regular payment on the statement and the used tickets. His car is too old for commuting!

This is not some kind of Holiday thread that will soon go 'poof', this is my life, here today, right now!

The camera in the bedroom is always there or somewhere else. It's for security, not spying, unless it's my cocking husband being deceitful.

OP posts:
worldupsidedown · 07/08/2017 13:41

Solicitor appt booked for tomorrow afternoon.

OP posts:
Mrscropley · 07/08/2017 13:54

Wait til he arrives at his destination and then report his passport as lost.

He will be stuck there til he can get a replacement giving you time to get your ducks in a row before he gets back. ..

TeamCersei · 07/08/2017 13:58

I believe you.
Sorry you're going through this. Don't let the doubters put you off getting support.

Raindancer411 · 07/08/2017 14:00

Sorry, I am getting confused. I meant, is the flights for his sailing trip thing you mentioned? And if so, is he going with a friend that you know of, or does he usual travel to where he sails from alone? :)

FoxyinherRoxy · 07/08/2017 14:35

I'm sorry that you are going through this OP. It's beyond shitty.

I would say you need to tell him face to face.

If you text him when he is away he'll have a chance to come up with lies and excuses. You have a lot of evidence, so hopefully this will save you from doubting yourself, or, giving him the benefit of the doubt. He may well just switch his phone off and leave you emotionally stranded and anxiously awaiting his return.

But seeing his reaction will tell you all you need to know.

There's a lot at stake, and FWIW, I think you are doing absolutely the right thing playing your cards close to your chest.

Speaking from experience.

user1471729756 · 07/08/2017 14:47

Agree with the last comment wait til he gets home xx

Zoflorabore · 07/08/2017 14:53

Just read the full thread. I do not know how you have kept this to yourself op, I would have threw him out and threw his precious guitar out of the window.

Is there any possibility that you're not confronting it as you don't want to admit that it's real? Genuine question.

Either way, he's an absolute shit and you sound lovely, hope it all works out for you Flowers

TheHobbitMum · 07/08/2017 15:01

You're being very sensible and level headed OP, good luck at the solicitors

yetmorecrap · 07/08/2017 15:14

going on the premise that you are 100% genuine (i too could use security cameras so that isnt that far fetched) when i saw a lawyer she said to me, do not do anything on the spur of the moment , make sure you have any stuff to hand you need. Please do this and do some snooping whilst he is away . I would let him go personally on the trip, however make a pain of yourself, ask for Facetime, Skype etc, just to annoy him and disrupt his time and when he gets in greet as normal, say no need to unpack, we need a chat and then ask him to read something. Type out your evidence in a list and then ask him to leave so you can get some headspace and that you will meet him somewhere neutral the following day.. His face will tell you all you need to know anyway. he wont need to pack--he will have a case packed already. he is an arse, he wont be the first or last and I know how devastating it is. I held onto something nasty like this for 4 weeks and it was very hard to do , so I could make sure my H had a not so merry christmas. Nasty, yes but he deserved it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread