Sexually frustrated sexless marriage

[JojoB1980]

Hey could do with some advice.

I'm in a 6 year marriage to my DW with a 3 years old child. We love each other immensely and have a great relationship. We both find each other attractive and when we have sex it's great. We both enjoy it and it's satisfying for both of us.

However our sec drives are completely opposed. I have an enormous sex drive and hunger and my wife just doesn't. She doesn't feel the urge or need and rarely instigates (ever). The sense of rejection and frustration is enormous for me. I feel enormous jealousy of friends who have partners who insatiable sexual appetites and feel annoyed that I never experienced having had that experience.

I miss the excitement and long for the physical intimacy.

Is there something g I can do about this?

Because I was confused and upset about it and felt it was important to explain why I'd been behaving strangely and asked her to go to counselling with me. We discussed it with the therapist too. Is it just a mother who can be tired or are fathers allowed to be tired too?

Maybe she was confused and upset when you revealed your betrayal. I'll bet she felt extremely upset finding out you'd been sniffing around elsewhere. And you thought a result of telling her would be her wanting to shag you more?

Maybe she wasn't. Actually she took it well, and didn't really see it as cheating as I'd stopped it before it got physical. She agreed there were issues in the relationship which may have contributed to me perhaps having my head turned which is why we both decided to go to see a therapist. I didn't think that telling her would result in her wanting to have more sex, that's ridiculous

You're coming across as someone who isn't a deep thinker. You 'perhaps' had your head turned?! ffs if you're going to do something at least own it, don't minimise.

Was she really not upset? If she wasn't maybe she doesn't love you enough to be upset. Maybe that's why she doesn't want to shag you.

I really think one of the most important things you need to do is quit the porn. Google your brain on porn.

That's lovely thing to say. You're probably right. She doesn't love me. Thanks

RogueBiscuit - I actually never thought of that...

A well documented side effect of watching porn is unrealistic expectations. This is evident from your remarks about other women being insatiable. I also think your friends are lying to you about this. Nobody is in that state in a long term relationship.

Another well documented side effect is what I call porn dog, or the Benny hill effect. Men who watch a Lot of porn sexualize everything . Bending over to pick something up is commented on in a dirty way. Are you doing this op? Are you groping and commenting with constant innuendo?

Goldenorb - yes I do... not long periods but fairly frequently. Just been doing some reading on it... scary...

RogueBiscuit- no I'm not but I have become heightened sexually and my expectations could well have been effected. This is definitely resonating....

Yep, quit the porn completely, I agree.

The "insatiable" women comments came from the women themselves... and their boyfriends have confirmed it. They basically told me over various conversations that they have incredibly high sex drives. It doesn't necessarily lead to them having better sex lives and actually their partners find it difficult to keep up

Oh man why does all the good stuff have to be bad for you!

Give up the porn and you'll start to see sex as it should be; between two people who love each other. Not for self gratification.

I'm in your wife's shoes. Not a great place to be. Please be gentle with her x

And to most women I know, an emotional affair is worse than a physical one. She may have seemed ok about it, but I bet my car she wasn't x

In what context were you talking to women about their insatiable sexual appetites? That's really inappropriate imo.

Why is it inappropriate? We're talking about it right now... I'm not particularly prudish and nor are my friends. Would it be ok to talk to other male friends about our sex lives? And if so do you not think it a bit sexist to suggest I can't have the same conversion with female friends..?

Anonymously on a forum though.

I'm really struggling with the fact you don't think these conversations about other women's sex lives are totally inappropriate. Would you actually be ok with your wife having these conversations with another man? I would loose my shit over this, and I'm pretty easy going.

I don't know what to think about your affair to be honest. An emotional affair is simply one that hasn't yet become physical, usually due to circumstances like distance or travelling. Yet you met up with her and say that "We never had sex but it totally destroyed me emotionally. I ended up feeling rejected and utterly lost". It sounds pretty intense.

I also don't know what to think about your wife's reaction to your affair. An affair, emotional or physical is utterly devestating. It's on the same level as a bereavement and I say that as someone who lost a parent to suicide. I think I cried every day for a year after my ex husbands affair, I was completely traumatized.

Either your wife is not being honest with you about her true feelings, or she has emotionally checked out and isn't really bothered.

I have a big group of really close friends and no way would I discuss my sex life in anything other than extremely vague terms. Anything else is very disloyal imo.

OP have you ever tried to imagine your wife's life? Have you ever tried to look through her eyes? Have a think, it would probably really help.

What would your wife say if she were on here? What do you think.she would write?

My wife would never come on a forum like this... I think she'd find it amusing and I don't think she'd agree with most of the comments. Appreciate I've made her sound a bit hard but she is pretty formidable.

OP have you ever tried to imagine your wife's life? Have you ever tried to look through her eyes? Have a think, it would probably really help

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