Anyone left their DP/DH knowing it was for the best but still being in love with them?

[Ifonlyhewould]

How did you get through it? Was it really for the best?

Can you drive to him? Let the kids wake him up by bouncing all over him

I'm cross he has his phone off when he knows you are alone with the children. What if you had needed him in an emergency?

i could yeah but worried his not there his just got his phone off because of last night.

Morning!

How are you today? Did you have a nice weekend?

sort of? how was yours?

still half asleep how is everyone?

Yes mine was lovely thanks. How are things mel, did you manage to have a talk and get anywhere with sorting things out?

im glad you had a good weekend. yes we spent all easter together his home now we talked a little. he doesnt seem to be able to deal with what his done i have asked him not to have ant contact with sara and he sais he wont. seems the little madam is a compulsive liar! she is a lesbian when suits seems she has been looking for a man to have sex with and she did the other night. where my dh thought of her as a friend she's been lining him up as a test subject!

It still hurts cant say iy doesnt and i have told him that. but i think im going to try not to mention her anymore and concentrate on us.

good idea. she sounds like someone he's best staying well away from anyway

He has to take responsibility for the lying too though. I hope you manage to sort things out.

he has we have talked about that but is hard to get through to them when they think because they didnt have sex and it was just talking its ok. He cheated on me a couple years agp and i dont think i dealt with it so this chatting brought it all back and it was like it was happening again and the pain was just as raw.

But if i keep holding on im going to destroy my family so im goingt o do my best to let it go and move on.

i do feel clingy and weepy tho but he is being reassuring with texts this morning so its nice to know hiss thinking of me. And we are going to go on holiday together in august no kids so somethingt o look forward to.

also going to finish off house and extension and move think the house holds too many bad memories as well as good ones.

I hope you havent been getting any hassle from the thing ?

i have just spent 20 minutes reading each and every post of this thread and after blubbing, then smiling, and laughing i must raise a glass (at 10.11am what a lush) to you brave, magnificent, wonderful women. i admire your balls and courage.

after having crappy relationship after relationship where i put in 100% and got crumbs and lies and cheating and made to feel like the grossest person on earth i am now married to the most wonderful man on earth - who i tried very hard to get rid of because he wasnt the controlling mind game playing bloke i was used to.

leopards cant change their spots but you can teach a dog new tricks. i wish IOHW all the very best of luck in changing your (and dd)life for the better. it is so hard to step out into the unknown but it will do your self esteem and confidence the world of good!!!

mel it sounds like you know what you need to do to move forward and the texts from him today sound positive. I think you'll be fine. Just remember how much you love him in the first place and you'll get there.

I had a nasty text of her yesterday. She's been sending dh texts, sometimes nice, sometimes 'by mistake' as though it was meant for someone else but she sent it to dh by "accident". She's done it quite a few times now. Attention seeking I think. DH has replied time and time again saying please don't contact me etc etc.
So after 1 time too many yesterday I sent her a message saying 'I think it would be best if you delete 'dh's number from your phone as you seem to have texted him by mistake and he'd prefer not to have any more contact'.

She wrote one back saying 'why don't you drop dead you sarcastic little bit*. f off'!!!

I didn't think that warranted a reply!

pinknfluffy29 that's a lovely post I'm sure IOHW will be so glad to read it

Good Morning Troopers

Glad to have you back!!

Hi Pinkfluffy - thank you for your kind words, thats lovely of you and it was just the boost i needed, thank you! x

I'm pleased you had a nice easter MLS, and that was a great and very appropriate text to send to 'fluff'. Great reply from 'fluff', soooooo mature, i'm sure your quaking in your boots at the thought of what you are up against the silly little girl!

Glad to hear he is home melminx. You seem to have got the right attitude going now, i'm sure you will be ok

Well i'm ok(ish) hardly saw DP over Easter but when we did he was pleasant, which makes things more bearable. DD and I have spent most of the time making jewellery with her bead kit, she made me a lovely necklace which ive not been allowed to take off yet, did feel a bit silly walking around the supermarket in it yesterday but it's all in a good cause she is worth it.

Sooooooo looking forward to getting back to normal on here! xx

Morning!

Glad to have you back! I was getting worried that it was so late and we hadn't heard from you this morning!

You sound in good spirits which is great. Lovely that you can focus so much on your dd too - they really get you through the tough times don't they! I love every minute!

we had a lie in, not asleep but reading what seemed like every single book dd owns!

It is nice, its lovely and, i think its switching my focus from DP and the 'what have i done wrong, how can i make this better' way of living to not really bothering whether he is happy with me or not. It's somehow freed my mind and my focus has completely switched to dd. Does that make sense? I think i'm rambling again

But ive also noticed a difference in DP, can't quite put my finger on it but, he is being different. He seems less angry, a bit more relaxed. Maybe me taking a step back has allowed him to so so too. Maybe not having to exercise all that control over me is less stressful for him!

If he's being different then that can only be a good thing I guess! Makes your life easier for now which has got to be positive.
Perhaps you're right and he has somehow sensed the change in you too.

I think you're absolutely doing the right thing in just focussing on you and dd though.
Keep doing that and I'm sure that it will work out for the best whatever happens. As long as you remember that you aren't to blame for his actions and you can't control the way he is. Perhaps you becoming distant and putting yourself first for once could be the wake up call he needs?

But having said that, only you could decide if there is a relationship worth saving somewhere in there, and from what you've said previously it doesn't seem so. Like people have said, he will probably never change. He may just be adapting his behaviour to 'control' you in a different way. i.e. he sees you relaxing and becoming distant. he makes an effort and is nicer with you. you realise he's wonderful after all and try harder again. then he goes back to his old ways and makes you miserable again...

Sorry, don't mean to be negative, but I do worry for you. Would hate you to get back into that vicious cycle again and get hurt even more.

You deserve better!

Thank you no need for apologies either. I have all corners covered and am prepared for every eventuallity. I don't for one minute think he has changed, i just think he's 'resting'. But, i am working very hard on changing myself. I'm making a point of looking after myself as well as I can, the better i feel about myself the more confident i feel he just seems insignificant. I can't remember the last time i felt so 'free'. I have the odd wobbly moment but i'm doing ok.
Ive even lost weight! That makes me feel great! I did my nails last night and, ive put on some fake tan. I'm looking quite a babe now
Even decided to tackle the 'hairy' depratments saturday night. Slathered this hair removal cream on legs, armpits and, ermm, bikini area. Then sat on loo seat whilst plucking eyebrows whilst waiting for cream to work. Maybe I should have put legs in stirrups though as cream in bikini area spread a little to far! That area won't need tending now for a long long time!

good for you! that's all so positive and exactly what you need to do!

I understand the whole hair removal cream thing... I used it whilst (heavily) pregnant and put it on whilst looking in the mirror so I could see what I was doing.... but obviously I wasn't too accurate with looking in the mirror and not actually being able to see exactly where it was going.... then I got in the shower and was horrified at the amount of hair that went down the plug hole.... I was glad I couldn't see that area for a while afterwards!!

How the devil are you girls?

Wey Hey!! We have alsmost full team!

Well, i'm good, just wearing big knickers to avoid a chill

How are you?

Glad it's not just me MLS It wasn't just watching it go down the plug hole that shocked me, it was the suddenly hairy bar of fairy soap!! I had to shave the soap to get rid of the evidence!

hello cnc!!

if it's not 'tatooing dh's bits' or 'planning a trip abroad' it's 'how to care for ladygardens'.... never a dull moment here!

how are you?

ROFL at your big knicks IOHW what a productive weekend you've had. I have to agree with MLS that DP's behaviour is probably a direct result of you freezing him out. At least this makes things more pleasant for you but don't neglect your "getaway fund" will you?!

MLS - how did your Easter go? Are you feeling any brighter? Did you get down and dirty when DP got back from the footie?! I saw your post with that mad cow's text - where is she? I'll kick her fat lardy arse!

As for me, DD has had chicken pox since I picked her up on Thursday so all my lovely easter plans were cancelled DH had to work on Saturday anyway so it wasn't too bad. She was a little soldier but her pain brought me to tears at some points - am such a wuss [sniff]

awww your poor dd. I completely understand that feeling where you end up crying yourself - you just want to tak the pain away don't you.

yes dh got my text on friday eve so came home quite early after footy and hadn't drunk too much either... so we made the most of the rest of the evening!

saturday was lovely, day out at the park, feeding ducks etc. then sunday was family bbq and far too much alcohol... so monday ended up being a duvet day, but for all the wrong reasons!

Ohhhh No, don't worry CnC. Running away fund still only got £5 in it but i'm looking forward the seeing it grow.

Sorry to hear about dd. Hope she feels better soon xx

oh thanks you guys DH has got her today and is bringing her in to see me at lunchtime - hurrah!

Things are kind of on a shaky truce between us - although we did have a little argument this morning in front of DD

I must admit that I'm not being very tolerant of him at the moment - must be all the kick his arse hormones coursing round my veins

ALERT! Personal question coming up!

Do you think that following everything you have been through with DH you try too hard not to argue and too hard to avoid conlfict?