Anyone left their DP/DH knowing it was for the best but still being in love with them?

[Ifonlyhewould]

How did you get through it? Was it really for the best?

miserable thought but keep thinking how many of us going through this pain. we are lucky enough to have this site but cant help thinking of all those women coping out there on their own.

I am feeling more positive melminx but also there's so many sad faces on here this morning i just want to cheer people up

All these men causing all these lovely ladies so much pain!!! Grrrr!

yeah instead of tattooing them how about bobbit then put them in the blender and call them sheila!!

morning everyone

Morning all, Hi IOHW, great of you to try to cheer everyone up yesterday. Look, no more blue face I'm feeling a lot better and it helps that the sun's shining. Have fed two happy cats and am now going to brew a pot of tea. DD and I are going to make our first hot cross buns together later. Wish us luck!

MLS - hope you have a great weekend! Things seem to be looking up

Good Morning Troopers!

Nice to see a few happy, smiley faces today, even though they may be forced

I hope all is ok with you guys. Well, bearable anyway.

My P came home last night with flowers for me and an Easter egg for dd I think he may be trying to reel me in. Nevertheless, I shall enjoy the flowers

iohw wow! is that good or you think his playing again?

I really don't know anymore melminx. I'm just concentrating on myself and dd at the moment. I'm still too shattered to do anymore than that. At least when he is in this mode the atmosphere is better so thats a plus.

can you talk to him when his being nice? any chance you can get through to him and you can works things out between you? You have given all of us such great advice and strength and comfort id love to know that your relationship works out and your happy.

Awh thank you melminx

I stopped trying to talk to him a long time ago. It just seemed i was banging my head against a brick wall. He would get all defensive and end up stomping out, driving off and not coming home for a few hours. All that would have spoiled what had started out as a 'nice' moment so i just learnt to keep quiet and make the most of the 'nice' moments as and when they occurred.

I would love it if i could find a solution to my problems, i would love us to be a hppy family, more for the sake off dd than anything but, i really don't see how that can happen. He is so controlling and doesn't seem to understand the word compromise which means all the understanding and the compromising falls on me. I feel ive compromised that much that i have nothing left, and its not like all the compromising has given me a good relationship. I really don't know anymore

Ifonlyhehad

You Dh is exactly the same as mine. The situations you descibe are identical. I posted a couple of weeks ago -thinking his behaviour was at least partly my fault and I oftenm felt sorry for him. I got some fantastic advice that explained that this was emotional abuse ( and physical abuse as I had ignored having thing thrown at me and being pushed).
I was given advice to read "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft. Which is excellent and explainsthe behaviour and how it gets like that and also about narsisstic personilty disorder, which is only present in a cuople of percent of "abusers" but other have traits.
Have also set up a leaving fund.
Had only realised how unreasonable his behaviour was . He says thing like "don't talk about work" as it remind me of my work and "don't talk about the boys as I haven't seen them today and it upsets me" etc
Having seen the light gives you so much power. If I stiop having to please him I will save myslef so much energy.
Will follow your posts

im sorry iohw. wish i could give you the great advice you have given to me. have to drive to ramsgate now to get dd's. i'll come back later. enjoy the sunshine x

Hi Popcorn

Forgive me for saying this but, how lovely to hear from someone in exactly the same boat as me!

It's so difficult isn't it. I do totally agree with what you say about seeing the light giving you power but also, trying less to please him and not being so bothered about what he thinks of me if i go against what he demands has also given me power. I have detached myself from him almost completely. I am still polite and civil when i am around him but i'm amking no effort whatsoever to either try to understand him, please him or win him round. The only trouble with this is it seems to make him make and effort. It's as though he realises he is losing his hold over me so he starts, very discreetly, being nice. He will offer to make me a drink, he will say goodnight where usually he just goes off to bed, he will say goodbye before he goes to work in the morning. Like the flowers and the Easter egg for dd.

Do you mind me asking Popcorn, please feel free not to answer but..do you still love your husband despite his treatment of you? Do you still look for solutions and a way forward even though you are planning to leave?

Hi - ifonlyhewould Been away a few days and not yet caught up with your thread. How you doing? Had a bit of a moment myself this morning with my H. But calmer now that he's gone so just going to get on with what I had planned in first place and try not to let him ruin my day anymore.

Even after you've left they still find ways to control you! It drives me mad, but I've just got to rise above it and get on.

Hi gtimama

I caught your thread and noticed you were a bit stressed. You have offered me some great advoce and been really lovely on my thread i just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you

I had a freind a few years ago who had the same problem with her ex. Her main bug bear was that he would arrange a time to pick up ds but always be at least an hour late. It made it worse because he would just turn up so calm and never apologise. I advised her if he was so much as 10 minutes late to get ds in the car and go out, to let her ex have to ring to find out where they were, tell him she would be home in 10 minutes but not get home for at least half an hour, leave him waiting for a change. She did just this. Once the boot was on the other foot he didn't like it and soon started turning up on time.

Another way around it if you are in the position to do so is you could always drop the children off at his. We just need to think of a way to turn the tables on him.

Bloody men!

hi iohw

sorry not been able to get on much

good to see that there's people posting on here who are in exactly the same boat as you. i think it will help you so much to get advice from people who know exactly what they're talking about - unlike me!

glad that things seem relaxed and he's being nice at the moment. hopefully you can make the most of it and have a good weekend.

thinking of you

Bless you thinking of you too.

It's been rather quiet around here today

yes it looks that way - I just thought I'd have an hour catching up and I was caught up in about 10 mins!

DH has gone out. To watch the football and into town with his mates.

I said I was ok with it (which I was!) but I'm sitting here feeling like I don't know what to do with myself and ready to burst into tears!!

Awhhh why the tears? Is everything ok?

Are you having a wobbly moment at the 'going out into town' bit? If thats the case, it's understandable, but he will be back home in a few hours and he will be all lovely and you will wonder why you got so upset

I don't know. I don't think for a second that he will do anything other than get drunk with the lads, watch the footy, then roll in drunk at some daft hour! All of which is fine!

But I just miss him and wish he was spending the time with me!

Absolutely daft I know! After 14 years we both value nights out with our mates!! But after everything that's happened I'm just feeling clingy I think...

Thats totally understandable. But him being out will give you a chance to miss him all the more Pour yourself a glass or three of wine and stuff your face with chocolate. The time will soon pass

I was thinking about the tattoo idea.... i think we should have them done in luminous green, that way they will glow in the dark.

The wine is lined up on the side for when ds goes to sleep!!

He texted to say one of our songs came on in the pub he's in and he's thinking of me.
And when I didn't reply quite soon (I was playing out with ds) he wrote back and asked if I'm ok. Then said if I wanted to get ready and see if my sister could watch ds I could meet him in town after the game...

I think I'd feel like a clingy lunatic wife if I turned up on a lads night out (even if invited!) but it was nice for him to offer.

I think I'll write back and say how much I appreciate the offer but I'll have a few glasses of wine here and keep the bed warm for when he gets in....

lol!! he'll pass out in 10 seconds after drinking since 3pm this afternoon!!!

I'll set up the spare bed I think

hi guys back from ramsgate how are you all?