I'm going to end my relationship because DP is flash

[GlitterBallSacks]

I've been with DP for three years. We live together and we're getting to that stage where we're thinking about the future. Aside from plans of marriage, children, houses etc., I feel we're fundamentally incompatible with our approach to money. I don't see how we can live a happy and fulfilled life together without one of us compromising hugely

Basically, DP thinks that because we're both "young professionals" we should live a particular sort of lifestyle involving expensive cars, exotic holidays and big houses. He wants people to think we're very well-off.

I think these things are a waste of money and I don't give a shit if people think we're wealthy or not. For the record, we're not all that well-off (more on this below).

Example: Our kettle broke. I saw one for £32 which would go perfectly in our kitchen. He agreed it'd go well but he wanted a top of the range Bugatti kettle costing £230. It wouldn't look as good as my £32 kettle but he wanted it because the expensive one was more "us"

Another example: We went to a wedding. I looked amazing if I do say so myself in a 60s-style dress. When asked where I got it, I replied honestly that it was £3.50 in the Primark sale. He was annoyed that I'd admitted to people I shop in Primark.

Anyhow, he thinks because we're "young professionals" we should have a particular type of lifestyle. Except, he earns less than half what I do. So when he says he wants us to have this lifestyle, what that really means is for him to enjoy that lifestyle which is coming courtesy of my wages. We have a joint account, that was a mistake. However, if we separate accounts I know he'll just put it all on credit card because he's completely desperate to convince people we're loaded.

We've talked, we've rowed, we've cried. I've realised over the last couple of weeks that he's not going to change but I don't want to be in a relationship where this is an issue. I've grown to see how unattractive it is that he's so desperate to impress and I've struggled to find him attractive enough to have sex with.

He knows something's wrong and I know it'll hurt him massively but I need to get out for my own wellbeing.

I don't know why I'm posting. Hand holding maybe.

No need to apologise to us - you don't owe us anything!

Make sure that when he takes the kettle you get £200-worth of jointly-owned objects that you actually want :o

Prize wazzock. You're well rid.

Well done OP..

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

Keep moving forward.

Trills Oh I've already thought about it don't worry- I'm definitely having the really expensive cotton bedding. He wasn't that bothered about buying it (after all no-one would see it or know it was expensive) but I bought it as a treat for myself and it changed my bloody life

Sadly I suspect it isnt a coincidence that he phoned you after being out, since he'll have been reminded that he wont be going out flashing YOUR cash around for much longer.

I could not be with someone like this.

I find people who have the most expensive of things and who are 'flashy' are trying to compensate for something. I know several celebs who are very materialistic and love to garble on about their 'wealth;' Ricky Gervias and Chris Evans for example. I find it repugnant.

I have been chatted up (in the past) by men who droned on about their flash car, their flash job, how much they earn yada yada, and I couldn't gt away fast enough. For some reason, they were under the impression I would be impressed.

I wasn't.

YANBU to leave him OP.

So happy you came back to the thread and updated us!! Sounds like you are well rid! Well done OP. Sounds as though he is going to be very bitter about it all and act the victim!!

But whatever you do don't give him any of your savings!! 2,500 is more than enough to give him since he's probably contributed fuck all to that either!

He can't access the savings.

Yes, we're in separate rooms. I've moved into the spare bedroom (which was very recently decorated and has a lovely new bed and doesn't have the underlying smell of stagnant water that comes from the en-suite so is actually better than the main bedroom )

Please clear the £2.5k from the joint account. You don't give a twat like him, that kind of money when he was so vile to you.

If you are feeling insanely generous, he can have it so long as he does not abuse you further.

Or, tell him he can have it as a deposit for a new flat which he rents asap and leaves you alone in the property you are in.

I'm not going to clear the joint account because it's too complex.

It's from both our salaries, plus a back payment he received, plus we've spent stuff from it on ourselves and on joint stuff. It really is shared money and to divvy up who deposited what and who withdrew what would be too complicated. I'm not that bothered about it, it's not that much money.

Can you find another place sooner? Mustn't be very nice having to continue to stay with the Bugatti-kettle using, Gucci shoe strutting nob.

Hahaha. I've put down a deposit on a studio flat which I should be able to move into in about three weeks so I don't have to stay the whole month but I can't get out particularly quickly.

I've also seen a house for sale I'm going to view

Oh excellent.

Whenever anyone asks him about the relationship he will say that you dumped him because he bought an expensive kettle. Hope he really savours every cup.

oh that's GREAT news!!

Course... you'll need a kettle of your own....

and a teapot..

luxurylaunches.com/home_improvement/at-3-million-the-worlds-most-expensive-tea-pot-comes-studded-in-sparkling-diamonds.php

Apparently he's told his friends that I ended it because I'm a skin flint

Thanks Hissy I've just ordered one

Rather a skinflint than a mug with a cocklodger!

Well done!

It will be dawning on him that he's either going to have to go massively in debt or find a sugar mummy if he wants to continue with his posh and becks lifestyle.

I'm happy for you . Well done.

he's an arse. also be prepared for guilt trips and emotional blackmail. any way he can to wheedle his way back. soon it's going to dawn on him that his gravy train has just crashed.

He can tell his friends whatever he likes - if they are the people who appreciated and encouraged his showing-off then they are not people you want to be your friends anyway.

Oh you have so done the right thing.

I cannot think of anything less attractive.

Apparently he's told his friends that I ended it because I'm a skin flint

More like 'person who's not completely bonkers'. You have done the right thing, OP. Well done and good luck!

And, FWIW, I'm a young(-ish) professional living on my own and I'm really quite wealthy compared to the general public. My bloody kettle was about a tenner from a supermarket (on sale) and doesn't even look nice. It's a kettle FFS!

Good luck and well done OP. Perhaps you could donate the kettle to charity? Have a raffle ticket fund raiser

But genuinely all jokes aside, well done. Here's to the next chapter in your life!