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Original poster

Bf said ex is slimmer than me!

140 replies

Grooves · 24/07/2017 10:29

He's said it before and I mentioned him saying it to which his reply was "she is skinnier than you"

I feel like it's a comparison and it's pissed me off! I hate his ex with an absolute passion (lots of drama when we first started dating, she was basically a disrespectful bitch) so for him to say it is like a kick in the teeth. I'd like to add I'm pretty slim, I weigh about 7stone.3 and have a nice tummy, my bmi being 18 (would have my 6 pack back if I went to the gym) but I still feel crap.

Am I being stupid?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 24/07/2017 13:38

Time to LTB I think.

Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 13:42

Is that leave the bastard?

OP posts:
SoIWasThinking · 24/07/2017 13:43

Skinny isn't sexy, who wants a woman with the body of a 10 year old boy?

Lots of men do. Lots of men like a woman who is slim and has a 'nice' tummy and who doesn't wobble too much during sex.

Not any man that would like me, I hasten to add!

But the 'skinny shaming' comments on here are disgusting.

As are the comments advocating assaulting him.

Holly we've already been dangerously close to that...

Bluntness100 · 24/07/2017 13:54

You do seem to have insecurity issues and I guess he's not helping. Maybe he likes it that way. I'd agree if she is visibly skinnier than you that would be a concern for her health, and just as if someone is extremely overweight, it's not a compliment, as it wouldn't be if you were overweight and he said well she's fatter than you.

I think you seem insecure but also competitive with her, who is the prettiest, who is the thinnest, and he's enabling that insecurity. You need to focus on you and improving your self esteem.

A healthy mind set would be royally pissed off about the wrong name and deal with that, not immediately work out who was better.

Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 14:01

I did, but it snowballs onto other things. It's the anger and resentment, it just comes to the surface and I can't see what's important.

OP posts:
lanouvelleheloise · 24/07/2017 14:04

LTB? Really? If you read the thread, it really doesn't sound as though he's done anything very wrong, apart from make a careless and hurtful remark in the course of an argument, in response to a competitive and bitchy remark about his ex's appearance. Unless there is a longer-running dynamic where he's forcing a competition here (and it really doesn't sound as though there is so far in the thread), the problem is the OPs.

Seriously, OP, you need some help with your self-esteem because it sounds through the floor at the moment.

Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 14:05

If he'd have said anyone else, I would have laughed it off and that would have been that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 14:06

Yeah, I'm not gunna leave. We get on so so well but this can rear its ugly head and I cause a mess!

I've tried a lot to get past this (insecurity) there's times in the month when it's super bad and that's when I know it's not right.

OP posts:
HollyHollyHo · 24/07/2017 14:10

who wants a woman with the body of a 10 year old boy

Did someone really say that Grin

I can assure you (as a skinny single woman). That lots and lots of men do. In fact they love it. One man was amazed he could see my hip bones and said it was one of the sexiest things he'd ever seen. A lot more erotic than the standard big wobbly tits.

But I'm far too polite to try and body shame other women. So ill leave it there.

lanouvelleheloise · 24/07/2017 14:19

Grooves - I PMed you with some self-esteem stuff, but I just wanted to add: if this gets really bad at your time of the month, it could be an extreme form of PMT called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. It may be worth speaking to your GP.

My friend had a terrible, off-the-scale psychological reaction before her period every month - the right kind of hormonal treatment has worked wonders for her.

Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 14:22

I think it is, I find it become fixated on it around the two week mark, I'll tell my partner and he doesn't thinking it can happen, then low and behold, I come on. /:

OP posts:
NinonDeLenclos · 24/07/2017 14:33

PMDD is a very controversial issue. Basically pathologising severe PMS as a mental disorder.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/07/2017 14:40

Leave the bastard, and if this carries on it can cause very big problems in the relationship, and can affect your self esteem and confidence.

Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 14:42

@lanouvelleheloise

PM'd you twice.

OP posts:
lanouvelleheloise · 24/07/2017 14:43

I don't really understand the controversy - all I have is one anecdote, which is hardly scientific! So happy to be corrected by those with more experience and knowledge.

Basically, my friend had to be sectioned a couple of times because she was so terribly depressed with PMDD that she tried to harm herself. It wasn't just sadness, it was off the scale doominess. The medics thought for ages she had some kind of severe rapid cycle bipolar disorder. We are quite close, and it seemed obvious to me there was some kind of cycle, so I helped her to chart the days she felt bad and rang me crying, and we soon realised there was a pronounced correlation with PMS. We took the chart to the docs, and they diagnosed PMDD and put her on some kind of hormonal treatment (sorry, I can't remember the name of it) and SSRIs. The change has been absolutely astonishing. She has gone from being really unable to cope once a month to being able to function at a high level. (She is very bright and has a demanding job, so this is great news). Whatever the 'cause' of her problem was in official diagnosis terms, the solution seems to be working really well!

Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 14:47

lanouvelleheloise

Have you got my replies, I dunno if they've sent.

OP posts:
lanouvelleheloise · 24/07/2017 14:48

Yes - I just replied Groovie! Flowers

mummwest · 24/07/2017 16:07

If you have an obsession with being skinny and he knows that then yes his comment was designed to offend or shut you up in the moment.
It does seem like you are very insecure about her and their past relationship.

How long was their relationship over for when you two started to see each other? People often can't help how they act when they're hurting or grieving a relationship and they do try to get their exes back or stop them from moving on, if it was very soon after they split up then I really don't think it's fair to hold it against her for how she acted.

Also in regards to the comments about skinny women, I'm a size 6 and tall but I'm toned and guys love my figure, I would like to gain a little bit of weight but I've never had any complaints, it's not true that guys don't like skinny women and I think women should think about the comments they are making when they say things like that, teenage girls and young women are often very skinny despite being perfectly healthy and you're effectively telling them that their bodies are unattractive and disgusting.....often to make women or teenagers who are in fact on an unhealthy road feel better about themselves!

Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 16:17

About 6 months when he met me, he'd been with other people prior to me and she knew this so knew he was moving on. I just don't think she wanted or thought he'd move on to someone and actually want to start something.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 16:28

When my ex and I broke up, I severed all contact when I found out he was dating, I felt in order for me to move on, I needed to be no-contact. We did this for a year, and now have a great friendship.

If I'd have constantly messaged, begged for him back even though he was with someone and didn't want me, we would be a lot worse off!

It's about strength and self preservation. I don't appreciate people act differently, but when you're told you're never gunna be with that person again, and they've moved on. Why would you still hold on?

OP posts:
Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 16:28

Do**

OP posts:
Isetan · 24/07/2017 17:48

If you can't take it, don't dish it out and hiding behind your anxiety makes you look cowardly. You've got issues, deal with them because your poisoning your relationship with your insecurities and pettiness and that's on you and not his Ex.

but starting arguments about st

I get the impression that you use your anxiety

It doesn't and unless you get a handle on your issues you will poison your relationship.

Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 18:02

I dont use my anxiety for anything. I've had anxiety since I was 3, I can't control when I get it anymore than I control the weather outsidez

OP posts:
Original poster
Grooves · 24/07/2017 18:02

Outside**

OP posts:
SoIWasThinking · 24/07/2017 18:38

A lot more erotic than the standard big wobbly tits

Tbh, Holly I have a friend who only ever dates larger women. His attitude is "who wants to fuck a bicycle".

So I think it's fair to say that there are lots of men, all of whom like lots of different things, so there should never be any body shaming of women, big or small or anything in between Smile