Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DRY 18

890 replies

vxa2 · 07/07/2017 09:16

Link to old thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2841743-DRY-17

OP posts:
MacavityTheDentistsCat · 19/09/2018 20:19

You sound very brave YeahCorvid amd you're right, the feelings will pass. I hope it's sooner rather than later.

Flowers
YeahCorvid · 19/09/2018 20:24

thanks Macavity. Means more than you will ever know
not in a good way here right now

Flowers backatcha

Amazonfromkent · 19/09/2018 20:28

YeahCorvid, hang in there! Hugs

Chickenloverwoman · 19/09/2018 20:40

Happy birthday for tomorrow!

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 19/09/2018 20:50

Yes, life can be very hard to get through sometimes Corvid, there's absolutely no hiding from that fact.

Sending you strength and peace of mind x

YeahCorvid · 19/09/2018 21:20

thanks Macavity and ChickenLoverWoman.

Sometimes you get these acute bursts of anguish and they pass faster than you think they will. I feel as if this one is thinking about passing off already. thank you.

Food: to fortify myself against not drinking I made a nicer and more substantial dinner than I often would on a Wednesday, and then found myself looking at it thinking "this is the sort of dinner I would usually have with wine". But I got over that and it did make me feel physically more centred than I sometimes do.

I went into an online social situation looking for a little validation and didn't get it and left again, without making an arse of myself or anything, but feeling weirdly exposed as if I did a really odd or weird thing - which I didn't. I am feeling exposed because I want more of those people than they want to give me; they may or may not sense this but I didn't do anything odd; the feeling exposed is just my own feeling, my own feeling of not-enough, not-enough, never-enough.

That's the thing about drink. it's the only thing you can have enough of, or more than enough. you can only eat a certain amount, before you feel sick and full. No one ever loves you enough, let alone more than enough. There's never enough sunshine, never enough good TV; the show always ends, it's always some form of kicking out time. With drink you can just have another and another and another, till the bottle is empty, and then you can go and get another one, and it's never taken away.

till you can't any more. And then it's just emptiness and not enough ness in all directions as far as you can see.

Musti · 19/09/2018 23:53

Hey you're all doing so well!! Keep going. If you just get over the habit it becomes so easy and you no longer think about it.

Amazon- this is absolutely your second day :)

Yeahcorvid- happy birthday for tomorrow and hope that it signals a new and happy life for you. You're being so strong at the moment and I really admire you for that.

Macavity- I read that book a few months ago and it's brilliant. I didn't realise until the end that the writer is the narrator.

Drinkingrelated- that's my aim too. To only drink when I'm out. I was always horrified when I put in what I drank. I'd reach my weekly limit in one night!

Nowstrong- yay! It's a great habit :)

I went out tonight to the pub with some friends and had an alcohol free Becks. I really fancied having a glass of wine but it soon passed when the conversation got going. I'm finding not drinking at home now the norm and I don't think about it. I have planned non drinking activities and avoiding some. Going to watch a play on saturday and driving there. I'm actually getting a bit worried that I'll undo all my good work when I start drinking again and if I'll be able to stick to just drinking when I'm out. I know when I smoked I couldn't just smoke a couple.i hope I can keep to just drinking socially and not have to give up altogether.

sober40 · 20/09/2018 06:22

Hi all, newbie...may I join you?
Day 38. Not my first Day 38; I did 6 months last year. Then decided I 'deserved' a drink. And of course the inevitable happened.
Just turned 40 and hoping it sticks this time. I did the Hip Sobriety course last time and it was a real eye opener. Smart Recovery meetings have just hit my area - has anyone tried them?

Musti · 20/09/2018 07:46

Hi sober. Wow day 38. How are you feeling? I haven't heard or smart recovery meetings - are they good?

sober40 · 20/09/2018 08:53

Thank you. Feeling OK, dealing with some dismal marital stuff but would likely not be dealing with at all if it wasn't for my 38 days! I haven't been to a Smart Recovery meeting yet! I've never clicked with AA but could do with some 'recovery' pals so thought I might try it....

Musti · 20/09/2018 11:19

I get you. I'd been self medicating for years, especially the last year as we split but still lived in the same house. The problem was that when drunk I'd sometimes flip at all his toxic stuff and it made me seem the unreasonable one. Sober I am in much better control and making much better decisions.

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 20/09/2018 16:09

Just checking in on Day 8. Actually, I'm not quite sure whether to count the days or just to let them pass. Counting lends a sense of achievement but I feel like it might also just be tempting fate. Hmm

YeahCorvid
Many congratulations of the day Cake. I hope you're having a lovely time.

Amazonfromkent · 20/09/2018 18:33

Happy birthday, YeahCorvid 🎉🎂

YeahCorvid · 20/09/2018 22:56

@Macavitythedentistscat @amazonfromkent - thank you.

I had a nice birthday. People at work got me cake and a card and I decided to go out with my daughters for pizza and we had cake at home together too. Lots of people have sent me messages and I've had lovely phone calls. I hadn't planned anything for my birthday but I don't miss the tension and stress of gathering people together - on a school night - entertaining them and agonising about drinking. I had good wishes from nice people and people who love me and that is what counts. honestly, it is what I was so scared yesterday would not happen.

So yes. Day 4, no booze, and on my birthday. It feels good.

@sober40 @musti I hear all that. Especially the losing it finally and being "the bad one". he used to create drama so that he could accuse me of creating drama. He pushed me and pushed me and if I ever even talked crossly he would flounce around pretending I was out of control and taking the children away from me into other rooms and barricading doors. Massive arse. Huge drinker, too.

Musti · 20/09/2018 23:18

Sounds like a perfect birthday Yeahcorvid.

Yes, he's actually too chicken to talk to me when the kids aren't there because he knows I'll tear a strip off him.

sober40 · 21/09/2018 07:05

Thank you both musti and yeahcorvid

I found it so hard to stay sober when DH was drinking (and more heavily than me).

Massive hands up to my sober sisters who navigate this path with a heavily drinking DP or DH on board. If I ever dared express any pride, it was 'preaching'. He was delighted when I started drinking again. Said he'd got his wife back. I felt like I'd lost myself again.

I realised while I was sober that we probably would never have got married in the first place if it hadn't been for booze. Alcohol was the third person in our marriage if you like - ever present. The idea that my life might be better if I wasn't living with DH popped into my head then and it's grown. I think he thought when I started drinking again things would get better but the seed was sown, The whole time I was drinking, I was desperate to stop but it felt impossible. I was always fantasising about setting up home without him and living the life I wanted to live. I think he sensed that even though I never told him. He tried to kill himself a few weeks ago. Well he left me a blood stained note and went missing for several hours. The police found him, detained him under the Mental Health Act and he was in a psychiatric hospital for a couple of weeks. Terrifying and awful as the whole ordeal was, I feel even more trapped now. He isn't drinking (he can't) but there still isn't much of a marriage left. Alcohol has gone and we're strangers living under the same roof. It's all very.....grey.

Anyway sorry for the epic post Blush. That little lot probably belongs in Relationships!

YeahCorvid your birthday sounded beyond perfect. Happy Birthday. X.

Day 39 today!

Musti · 21/09/2018 08:28

That sounds awful sober40. You can leave him and you should.

YeahCorvid · 21/09/2018 10:53

Thanks @sober40. Yes you should leave him! It's just too hard to cope with the pressure of a bad relationship. I thought I could and should hack it (and it was nowhere near as bad) because we had children. It just wasn't fair to anyone.

Have a good day everyone. Day 5. Feeling good physically but struggling to concentrate and get down to work - almost too much energy! - which is a great thing after quite a few weeks of feeling very tired and run down. I think I'm getting a cold and I don't even care. 8 minutes to prep for a call with my boss and I've got to get on with it!

Musty, Macavity, Amazon, everyone - hope you're all having a good day.

Whatsthisbear · 21/09/2018 16:06

@YeahCorvid belated birthday wishes. Congrats on an an alcohol free birthday, glad you had a nice day & meal out and thanks for linking me to here.

Hi everyone, just joining. The Pinot would usually be chilling right now and I am nervous about how to get through a Friday evening without alcohol- any distraction tips from anyone would be welcome.

@sober40 Flowers I don’t know what to say. I was just having a quick skim through posts trying to familiarise myself with names and seeing how well everyone is doing AF and then saw your post. To be day 39 with everything you have going on is amazing.

Hoping to familiarise myself with you all soon.

Musti · 21/09/2018 17:31

What'sthisbear - could you arrange to go to the cinema and you drive? Or go round a friend who doesn't drink?

YeahCorvid · 21/09/2018 19:56

Whatsthisbear - do you like TV? (netflix etc) do you play an instrument? anyone you keep meaning to phone for a catch up and never get around to it?

Whatsthisbear · 21/09/2018 20:59

DC had an activity so going out not an option due to collection etc. I’ve settled on an early shower, mindless games on iPad, trash tv........and eating almost a family sized bag of chipsticks Grin but DH has jumped on board and he arrived back without alcohol.

Technically today is day 3 but as i never drink when I work the next day due to driving at 7am, not drinking tonight is a real first. Looking forward to waking up without feeling like rubbish tomorrow. Smile

Blessings5 · 21/09/2018 22:17

Hello! Can I please join? Today is my first day AF. I had never been a big drinker. It has only been the last 6 months (after finding out my H had an emotional affair with a colleague) that I have begun to drink excessively. My H is a FIFO worker and is only home for 1 week a month. Without fail, every time he is home I get terribly drunk and yell and swear at him. I am so ashamed of my behavior. I can't keep doing this. I have made a decision to work on our marriage but when I drink I keep bringing up the OW. I am petrified that I am going to lose my H over this.

sober40 · 22/09/2018 05:31

Thanks all. I have 3 young kids in the mix so I need to be mindful about 'conscious uncoupling'. But yes, it's in motion. With much sadness and guilt.

@Whatsthisbear I realise this a bit late for last night  but in I find when I've got that 'I want something to happen while I also want nothing to happen" feeling, putting pj's on, running a bath, lighting a candle, going to be REALLY early and curling up with a book and a herbal tea usually helps me to 'come down' and the cravings pass. I try and make Fridays 'clean sheets' day so crawling into bed at 9pm feels like a treat. If you want a book recommendation; The Naked Mind, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober and Dry (by Augusten Burroughs) are all sobriety winners.

Hope you got through last night anyway


@Blessings5 Hello! Xx

Whatsthisbear · 22/09/2018 06:36

sober I like the idea of it being clean sheets day -great idea-thanks for the book recommendations. It’s a difficult time for you but I’m am glad that things are ‘in motion’.

Blessings hi, I’m also a newbie here.

Well I thought I would wake up feeling fantastic today, instead I Woke at 5:10 and I can’t get back to sleep so have given up. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck Confused