DRY 18

[vxa2]

Link to old thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2841743-DRY-17

Hello everyone,
May I join you, please?...
I'm 52, married with two kids at university and I don't want to drink anymore.
My Dad was alcoholic (died young of cirrhosis) and I have drunk all through my adult life. I used to drink about half a bottle of white a few (but not all) nights a week - more at the weekend with friends - and I was pretty much ok with that. About seven years ago I was plunged into a really hideously stressful time (one child diagnosed with a complex disease, other child going through a really difficult time with tough uni applications and Mr GMS gave me some heartache too). My drinking increased to 3/4 bottle pretty much immediately. It felt like the only bit of the day when I was being kind to myself. Like a teeny, little, temporary nightly holiday from it all. Like being able to go into a room of my own whilst still actually surrounded by people, noise, demands and having to stand and make supper/ lay the table etc etc etc when all I wanted was oblivion from the stress I was feeling.
It took very little time for a whole bottle to become my staple.
I began being a bit secretive - two bottles on the go so my husband and kids would not notice that I had started and finished a bottle on my own.
I have bought extra wine bottles in the supermarket and then snuck the empties out to put in an anonymous bin outside a supermarket so that my husband won't see more empties in our recycling bin than he would expect.
My husband has said to me, several times, that he is worried about my drinking and my health
Both of my kids have made noises about how I should be careful, given my Dad's history.
I burn with shame and hate them all for raising the subject, whenever this happens.
About two years ago I developed a hot pain under the bottom of my right rib. I was terrified that I had fucked my liver and went to see my lovely GP (who moves in the same social circles as us). I said 'I have a drink problem' and told her everything - the whole, sorry, warts and all tale. Long story short: I stopped drinking, all of my tests were absolutely fine and the pain just went. I stayed stopped for about two months but then convinced myself that I had 'reset' my drinking and that I was ok to drink 'moderately and just at the weekend'. I guess I don't have to tell you how that went. Safe to say that in recent times I've come to consider one bottle a 'good' night and have often had a glass or two out of a second bottle.
So, what's brought me back to wanting to stop again?

1. I have that old (Chinese?) proverb running though my head:

"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you" and this terrifies me. I have sometimes felt, of late, that the drink has been taking a drink. A bit 'here we go again'. Not sure if I even want this, but it's a habit and at some point soon I am going to stop so I may as well make the most of drinking while I can.

1. We were at a very boozy party on Sunday. I drank a lot but I don't ever really get 'drunk' drunk (another sign of a serious boozer). One girl, however, did. She's older than me and such a lovely, pretty, well-groomed, impeccably-mannered lady. She got so wasted that she was slurring really, really badly - in fact she was completely incoherent. She looked a state - with her eyes rolling all over the place. She couldn't stand up and had to be half-walked, half-carried home by two of the guys. They came back, giggling and thinking it was hilarious - apparently she wet herself on the walk home and was completely soaked from the crotch down.

I just found this profoundly shocking and disturbing. I feel so sorry for her that she had this mortifying experience - she must feel just loathsome, poor thing. At the same time, it was like holding a mirror up to the worst aspects of drinking and I felt repulsed (not by her - I feel desperately sorry for her - but by the wetting herself aspect of this episode). I didn't have another drink after that. I felt tired and hungover - AWFUL - all day yesterday and I didn't sleep well last night but I am here today, clear-headed and ready to take the first steps in sobriety again. Love to you all and I wishing everyone a good day. GMS2017 (GMS = Good Morning Sobriety) xxx

Welcome GMS and, wow - you are me (I think there are very many of us hiding in plain sight). I have also been your well-groomed lady friend.
I am now on day 28, feeling great and not missing booze at all. I drink af wine & sparkling water with meals, which is my new habit - the good thing is that I stop drinking once I've finished eating, instead of carrying on until I'm smashed. I know that I have a problem with booze; it stimulates me and thrills me and I can't stop once I've started. The answer, therefore, is not to start.

I have lost about half a stone (I am also eating more sensibly so can't entirely put it down to abstinence), my skin is glowing and I haven't cancelled anything due to a hangover.

Sometimes I feel a little bored in the evenings but I have a soak in the bath & read a book - I've struggled to read for a while as alcoholic haze seemed preferable (bizarre!), I am loving being back to my books.

There is so much more to life than wine, however much that evil witch tries to persuade us otherwise. Keep it up all! x

GMS you are me, as well ( I'm 55 but apart from that a very similar story)

I've in the past few years done 155 days sober, lapsed a day or two, done 100 days, lapsed a day or two etc etc a cycle of drink, drunk, repent, repeat, stay Dry for months, more times than I care to admit to BUT I keep on trying and I WILL get there.

Welcome. There are some great links at the start of Dry 17 thread. Hope they help :)

Thank you Cupoftea and Seeds for these kind and welcoming messages. I hope all is well with you.
I've had a positive day - decided to walk to the dentist instead of driving today and listened to The Bubble Hour podcast as I went.
Early supper and then a bubble bath and a Mini Magnum in front on the telly this evening.
I've also drunk loads and loads of water today which has to be a very good thing.
So! Day two and all's well.
Xxx

Try Belle. tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com
Also The Sober School and Sober Sassy Life. really great supportive websites!

Be kind to yourself and KOKO (Keep On Keeping On) xxx

GMS
Mini magnums are fab!
I have lots of AF drinks and lots of ice and teas . I totally changed my evening routine and go for a walk.
Feel stupid that after so long I slipped back -I cant go there again.

Hi everyone,

hopes amazing on your 713 days!

Welcome everyone joining. I'm day 38 today and feeling so well. Going to a psychic night at the pub tonight no plans to drink I feel so well being sober.

Its very quiet in here !
Had a good day.
Several remarks about how well I look/been away?
Hope you are all doing well tonight

pink always good when you are told you look well- shows it's a good thing this being sober!

I had 3 bottles of becks .......blue at the pub! Enjoyed the night more than I would if I'd been drinking and I'll feel good for work tomorrow. Psychic was too good- I'm a bit sceptical but she was spot on with lots of unusual things.

Now in bed with cup of tea.

Hope all those in early days had a good night and haven't struggled too much.

Its quite amazing how quickly the changes come and how much better I feel.
No eyebags!
Slept well.
Have a good day everyone

Hello everyone, I've come to join 😊
This is day 3 for me. Feels like it should be so much more than that already but I haven't had even two days together without drinking something for a very very long time.
Going to look at the links, went to an AA meeting yesterday and will go to another one today. Not sure it's exactly for me but there is endless amounts of acceptance and support there. Good luck to everyone else going through this battle today 👍🏻

Hi most

Well done on 3 days, pleased you have got support in place. For me it's doing something daily like read a bit of a blog to help me focus on being sober.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Thanks efc, there is a lot of good stuff out there isn't there? Once you start to make yourself look for it and look at it.

I like Belle 100 day sober challenge and I listen to The Bubble Hour podcast.

Morning oh quiet ones. Day 32 here; which is the longest I've done in around 30 years. Feeling liberated and looking great (if I say so myself 😀).

Aiming for 6 months but, the way I feel at the moment, I might never pick up a glass of wine again. A few weeks ago that thought would have scared me but now I feel nothing.

Hope all is well with everyone else.

Its very quiet Cupoftea
Ive been wandering over to the Alcohol Support board and wondering why DRY isnt there as well??

The looking better thing is fab no skin cream or treatment is going to make me look as good as going af.
My eye in particular are no longer puffy and hooded .
Sleeping so well but feeling tired also but in the "time for bed" way .Have been prioritising sleep but also am getting so much done.
Booked manicure as a nice treat and quite shocked how much money ive saved not drinking 3-4 bottles of wine a,week.
I always got extra bits so it about £60-80 a week
Keep going everyone and have a good weekend

Morning Soberistas...

Still here, still loving that email notification that someone's posted on the only thread I'm watching!!!

Seven and a half months in now, and it is getting easier - I promise!!

Was on holiday last week - think high stress family unit in a confined space... in a good way!! Joked with my sister that if I could do that week sober, I could do anything - whilst it was a tongue in cheek statement, it was true!

Could look at so many situations throughout the week and see how my old self would have coped, or not... a sort of look back through time in the present day!! My biggest feeling was not constantly wondering where the next drink would come from, and how I could drink as much as possible within the confines of a family holiday...

I think everyone drank less as a result, happily - no pressure to keep up, keep me company... no hideous hangover with the kids rampaging at 0530am - every morning... no having to go for an afternoon snooze just to cope/recover...

So despite my mother telling me how proud she is, "I used to know when you'd been on the booze", and my post stroke dad not really understanding why I didn't want to enjoy a beer with him on holiday, my sister asking if I remember a particularly drunken day on holiday last year (of course, the shame never leaves, just gets managed better) - it was ok, it was more than ok, it was my new life.... and it's starting to feel like that more and more... not a chore, or a punishment, more of a lifestyle choice... hate that as a statement, maybe more of a positive choice out of necessity. if someone offered me a cigarette I'd be horrified, and it's almost becoming the same.....

I'm not saying I'm not tempted every now and then - I am.... and they still side swipe me when I'm least expecting it... I still have another, higher risk, holiday in September but that's with the BFF and she's been more than supportive - you'll drink, or you'll not drink it's up to you, and that's it, no pressure..... the joy will be the holiday, the escape, the company and of course my own body weight in French cheese!!!!!

I still read these posts, every single last one... I think of you all often, we're all fighting our own daily battle against the booze!! We are the counter culture warriors, and we are awesome......

Hello all
So enjoying not thinking about drinking.
Counter culture is so true.

When did Prosecco become the new coffee?
Manicure -prosecco ? At 10.30 am!
Hair-prosecco?
Coffee invite-prosecco
Afternoon tea- prosecco

Ive come to the conclusion a huge amount of society are drinking in hazardous way now.
Night all -keep going

I'm back at day 4. Stupidly drank Saturday, at a work do where I felt awkward and uncomfortable, really didn't want to be there.

So I need to not only say no to drinking but to socialising where I'm not comfortable. In 40+ days I'd been to lots different events but enjoyed them sober.

Saturday was something I didn't want to do and a big lesson learnt to decline when I'm not happy.

Morning...

Another dream of being drunk last night - horrible! Always wake with a start, wondering if it was just a dream...

I agree that drink is everywhere, and excessive consumption is being normalised... I can hardly speak as I work in a booze factory!! Oh the irony!!

I've said before on here, but I think we're ahead of the game, and that drink will be demonised fully by society at some point in the future... it can't carry on the way it is - you just need to scan Facebook to see how much drinking, drunkenness and hangovers is going on... proseccco, artisan gin, craft beers - spin on an existing issue....

Completely stressed out of my t!ts with moving house, and associated finances, but a drink isn't on the radar - I can't afford it as much as anything! Just need to suck it up and keep the faith that it will all work out - one way or another....

Onwards - keep the faith - braver, stronger, awesome!

Hi all. I just wanted to pop in and say hello. I was on the very first of these threads back in October 2013, when I managed a significant period of sobriety, sadly I relapsed that time , but have now been continuously sober since March 12th 2016. That's 495 days,

And I drank a lot, for a long time.

I have a blog for anyone who is interested ... it started about giving up alcohol and is still primarily for my sobriety, but it now looks at the abisvevrekationship I managed to leave, and my life as a sober woman.
It's at www.alcoholfree2016.com

If you read, you will see I have struggled, sometimes a lot. But I do not for one single minute do I regret giving up alcohol.

I'm now going to read your recent posts, and add anything intelligent I have to say.

Lily xx🌷

Tutti - please don't feel ashamed, you are amongst friends here, and I know I have countless embarrassing and shameful stories that I could dwell on. But you do have a choice, you do not NEED wine .... and a whole new life exists out there free from alcohol.

GMS I am also 52, and drank a LOT for a LONG time. I've been that woman , and suffered the shame and humiliation. But not once in the last 495 days have I woken up being ashamed of how I behaved the night before. I never worry about driving, I never blackout. It is a calmer, more peaceful, gentler and more authentic way to live.
Take each day separately, sometimes each hour, plan what you will drink if you go out (and a back up) always leave if you feel uncomfortable ( I'm sorry I'm not feeling well / am faint ) if xcuses are necessary, don't spend time with anyone who does notb100% support your decision ( initially) I can and do now, but not at first. Eat what you like, stock up on nice alcohol free things to drink. Treat yourself regularly. Focus on you. I promise it's worth it x

BJG congratulations ! My mother could always tell too and she hated it, so I drank more to be defiant !

pink welcome back x

efc chalk it up to experience. You have learned something very useful. Don't push yourself in the early days and ALWAYS have a way home ....

lily thanks for the link I have some weekend reading to do!

I love the calmness sobriety brings. In bed with cup of tea and Netflix after busy day in work.

I'm having a big think about how I manage stress and for me what I see as obligations. I'm meant to do an event next year I really don't want to do, so today I've emailed the organiser. Said im not available, didn't make up lies and excuses.

Small steps in putting myself first.

For me its tiredness efc
I tended to keep going until dropped and wine kept me going.
Now Im fuckit and go to bed when Im tired.
Still AF, knackered,old but happy
Hope you are all ok j