He's married. Should I meet him for lunch?

[VIX1820]

I was dating a guy a few years ago for approx 5 months. Things ended and he is now married to an American girl and lives in Boston with her. We have the occasional text convo every couple of months. He's coming back to the UK in a couple of weeks to visit family and has asked if I would like to go for lunch. I'm guessing he won't tell his current wife what he's doing. Is this a bad idea even if it is innocent (on my part at least, I can't speak for him!) I'm single but would never do anything with someone involved but I'm just wondering if this is completely out of line on his wife?

Nope.

And if you think his wife is in the dark about you then maybe knock the texting on the head too.

You don't want to be on some list of a "girl in every port".

If you were the wife would you be happy if you found out your dh had been for lunch with an ex and kept it quiet?

So you are considering meeting a guy (cunt) that's going to meet up with an ex without his wife's knowledge; in other words, collude with him.

I think you know the answer.

He wants sex not a friendly catch up.

Please don't go. It won't end well if you do.

No, what's the point?

"I'm guessing he won't tell his current wife what he's doing"

Why?

Let me guess, she doesn't know about the texts either, and they are sufficiently intimate she'd be hurt and feel betrayed if she read them?

Cut it all out.

Cut it all out

Yes

What is the nature of the texts and would you be happy for his wife to see them? If it's just friendly chat, you get on well as casual friends and don't hold a torch for him now, I can't see the problem with lunch. Nobody takes their knickers off in Pizza Express. If you suspect he might be up to no good, don't do it.

Don't be that person

Delete and block

If you have to ask then you know the answer.

No

You only dated for 5 months years ago, so what would you be meeting him for If not a shag?

I could understand it if you were together for a long time and had remained close but 5 months that's all you dated for.

No I wouldn't be meeeting him but then I probably wouldn't be having text conversations either

Bad idea, I think. You know how it'll end.

I agree with Squeaking - if you were his wife and could read every single one of the texts without raising so much as an eyelid then yes, I'd meet for a casual lunch.

If there's questionable content on the texts then I wouldn't and you should jack the whole thing in.

No. And why?

I wouldn't go no.
Opening yourself up for a situation there.
Think about his wife.
How would you feel if you were the wife?
It's not pleasant to be on the end of that

Respect yourself and step away

I'm going to depart from the consensus here and say it depends. If you're still flirting and therefore meeting as ex-lovers, it's inappropriate. If you're meeting as friends who happened to be together at one point but who now exchange pleasantries on the weather, the test match and the latest TV, it's fine.

I recently had lunch with two different exPs (separate occasions). There's nothing 'going on' - we're just mates now. In both cases, their partners knew about it but weren't able to make it (I have met both women, and they are lovely).

If you're posting on here you no
The answer why would
You meet him if he is keeping it quite
From his wife??

The texts are entirely innocent, he's given me relationship advice etc on boyfriends since for example-that's why I'm confused about whether this is a bad idea or not. I don't have those sort of feelings towards him anymore (we dated 5 years ago). I imagine he won't tell his wife purely because of probably how it looks, rather than what it is. But just the fact he isn't telling her makes me feel like in that case it would probably be best to decline...

OP you are not responsible for what goes on in his marriage. If you are genuinely just friends now I see no issue with having lunch.

If you have been friends for 5 years then i don't see a problem, you're also assuming he hasn't told his wife when there is no reason to suspect this. I would have no problem with my H meeting up with an old friend if he was travelling for business and wouldn't assume he was off for a shag with someone he had a brief relationship with. You're over thinking.

How do you equate "entirely innocent" texts with the fact that you are discussing your relationships since him??? You are deluded. Innocent texts would be the occasional comment about a mutual friend or the US presidential election or something like that. How do you think his wife would react if she saw those texts?

VIX

The whole "not telling the wife thing" regardless of reason just smacks of deception.

Honestly, put yourself in the wife's shoes - would you be cool if your DH had secret? interactions with an ex? Truly?

If his wife knew then it would be fine. If he hasn't told her then obv he regards you as something other than just a mate, so NO, don't do it.

Tell him why.

He isn't telling his wife that he is texting/ meeting with another woman. What kind of man do you think that makes him?