He's married. Should I meet him for lunch?

[VIX1820]

I was dating a guy a few years ago for approx 5 months. Things ended and he is now married to an American girl and lives in Boston with her. We have the occasional text convo every couple of months. He's coming back to the UK in a couple of weeks to visit family and has asked if I would like to go for lunch. I'm guessing he won't tell his current wife what he's doing. Is this a bad idea even if it is innocent (on my part at least, I can't speak for him!) I'm single but would never do anything with someone involved but I'm just wondering if this is completely out of line on his wife?

We only got back in contact last year when I bumped into him in a restaurant on holiday. (small world) I'm only assuming she doesn't know as when I asked if it was just him or the both of them visiting he said it was just him. I asked is (wife) is cool with that? He said something along the lines of that it will upset her unnecessarily so hes not sure if he would or not and I haven't asked again what his decision was. Should I?
I'm not sure if she knows about the texts or not, I've never really asked 'have you told your wife you text me?' Would be nice to catch up but then it looks like the general consensus is that it's a bad idea, so maybe best to avoid!

Sounds even more dodgy, you know you are his secret.

it will upset her unnecessarily

In that case I would steer clear and let the 'friendship' drop. For whatever reason, I would assume from his response that there are 'issues' and you really don't want jump into the middle of that shit soup - do you?

Smacks of 'a woman in every port' as someone said upthread.

And yeah, being your relationship advisor is his way of keeping a foot in the door, I had an ex who would do this, and as soon as I was single, he would suggest dinner. Eugh

I wouldn't mind if I was his wife. My DPs past and present have always had close female friends. In fact my DP is meeting his female bestie for a nice dinner alone tonight.

Yes, dodgy in that case. Could have done without the massive drip feed OP.

And tell him why you don't think it's a good idea, he sounds horrible, I'd also not be discussing my relationships/sex life with a married man.

Do you still fancy him?

It's not how it looks
I don't want her/him to get the wrong idea

Two of the more stupid statements used to describe a casual shag. Wouldn't you like some real friends, OP?

So are you actually single of in an 8 month relationship as per the other thread you're posting on?

It wouldn't bother me if my DH met a female friend (even an ex or an ex crush) for lunch and I wouldn't think twice about accepting an invitation myself. The not being able to tell the wife about it doesn't say good things about their relationship though.

Do you still fancy him?

Course she does.

Wouldn't you like some real friends, OP?

This is as much an ego stroke for her as it is for him.

So are you actually single of in an 8 month relationship as per the other thread you're posting on?

Ooh yes this

I think I am overinvested....

Gosh, fancy just bumped into him on holiday , really?
You're playing with fire and you know it. His unsuspecting wife staying at home while he lunches with an ex?
Absobloodylutely no way should you meet up, or were you hoping for a quick fling?

Have you asked your bf if he minds you meeting him?

The fact that you have to ask the question and have reservations means that you know it's not right so don't do it.

Simple as that. Question answered

Tbh this is actually sounding like the OP is having an emotional affair with this man, is fully aware she is a secret and is now considering meeting him.

What other thread?

Just saw it, you're a delight OP aren't you, clearly lacking in any self respect going by both threads.

Don't if you value your own time and if you want to have a chance of meeting somebody.

You'll end up feeling close to him. Then nobody else will compare. Blah blah blah. You'll end up hurt and he'll just have his wife on standby.

I've never dated a married man but I dated a man who, like, didn't want to label it............ It ends up being torture. VALUE your time. Don't throw yourself in to a bad situation on purpose.

Wouldn't you like some real friends, OP?

This is as much an ego stroke for the OP as it is for the guy. I mean, she's texting a bloke she went out with for 5 months for to discus boyfriend problems with him... who actually even does that? As if he genuinely gives a rats arse

So is OP VIX1820 and Anonforthis46 with a namechange fail along the way?

I must be the only one on here that would, if its totally harmless and only lunch then yes i would do

Yes Bad, same person.

Why on earth would you want to? You only dated for a very very short time, and unless you were friends before there's no friendship to be carrying on surely? Weird