How much housework do you do at your DP's if you don't live together?

[Tearsoffrustration]

DP not happy because all I do is the dishes twice a week (see him after work one night a week & Saturday evening until Sunday night).

I said i can do more (his bathroom needs a good scrub tbh) but that it would eat into our time - he wasn't happy with that answer.

Clear up any issues with this BEFORE you move in. Start as you mean to go on or you'll have arguments/resentment later.

Just because you work less doesn't make you his housekeeper, or worse mother (very unattractive). Tell him it's 50/50, if he doesn't like it you can use your shared finances (bet as the larger earner he doesn't want shared finances) to hire a cleaner.

I can't get passed the bathrooms being dirty. Surely. Common courtesy dictates you clean and tidy certain areas such as kitchen, lounge, toilet, bathroom before you have visitors. The fact that he can't be bothered to me shows he's a lazy sod. I don't know how long you have been together, but he's not doing a very good job of impressing you.

It's sad that you say he has ''years of minimal housework ahead of him'' and this is because you're going to do his share when you move in with him. You're nuts.

I help clear the table after a meal and help load/unload the dishwasher. That's it. We're moving in together soon so it will be a different split (probably 60/40 on his side as he's tidier than me! ) but for now, he cleans his place and I clean mine, as it should be. Why shouldn't your bloke do his fair share when you move in? I'd be worried if that was his attitude. Best to set the ground rules now and don't let him treat you like a live-in maid.

I never did any housework at DH's before we lived together.
He never did any at mine.
We both had cleaners and did our own washing etc.
Sometimes we cooked together but mostly the ones whose house we were at cooked.

When we moved in together (he into my house) I always put on the washing although we'd both empty the machine, we each sorted out own ironing. I did more cooking when my boys were home, he did more when it was just the 2 of us. After the cleaner left we both did vacuuming, I did more bathroom and kitchen cleaning, he did more mowing and outdoor stuff. I think it was pretty even.

You should both benefit from you moving in. He gets all house keeping and possible cooking done. What benefit do you get? Twice as much work and running around

If he stops work at 6pm then you should too, any jobs need doing weekends evenings are 50/50

Do you actually think not is reasonable to clean another adults home for them?

(Unless it's your profession)

Do you have low self esteem?

Damn. I meant

Do you actually think it is reasonable to clean another adults home?

Lol. Whuuut?

If you move in with this man, you have absolutely no-one else to blame but yourself. He is clear as day signalling that you're the skivvy. It'll wear very thin. That golden cock of his - is just gilt.

You are signing up for a lifetime of skivvying.

DP hates me doing anything housekeeping-ish at his house. I once washed out and refilled a bedside water bottle for him while he was ill and he was absolutely mortified.

I change the loo roll if I finish it. Sometimes take his and my cups/glasses to kitchen, or stack the recycling if it's untidy in the bin. That's about all DP would reasonably "allow".

This man showing you who he is OP, don't move in with him

He's training you up.

Fuck. That. Noise.

Absolutely do not live with this man. I'm curious, why did he break up with his last GF?

Evening all!

I'm interested why people think, if I've got 10 hours a week when the kids are in school and he is in work, why I shouldn't get as much household stuff done, so we can spend the rest of the time doing things as a 'family'.

For those who say LTB - what did I tell people 'yeah things were great but he wanted me to do a bit of cleaning so I told him to get stuffed?'

He doesn't spend any time at mine therefore does no housework.

Who cares what you tell people? You can tell them it wasn't working out, end of. That's a ridiculous reason to not break up with someone.

I'm interested why people think, if I've got 10 hours a week when the kids are in school and he is in work, why I shouldn't get as much household stuff done, so we can spend the rest of the time doing things as a 'family'.

Well a) you don't even live there yet and he's already getting shitty about it b) it's not automatically all your job just because you have a few more hours free.

Theres nothing wrong with doing housework whilst the kids are at school. We've all done it (including me today).

However, you said in the op that Dp is not happy because 'all you do...' . Therefore there is the expectation that he expects you to,do more, and you don't even live there. There is no evidence in your posts that he does any housework himself ('dirty bathroom') and he expects you to,do,it. That implies he sees you as his skivvy, not partner.

You also said there is years of minimal housework ahead for him. It implies you don't expect him to pull his weight. At weekends, will it be expected that you do everything?

Well, good job you checked in with MN first then isn't it, before it all went tits up! So no need to move in with him now

This.

The problem is that currently you don't live with him and you have your own home to keep clean. You don't spend as much time as he does at his so he needs to clean up behind himself. Whose dc will be living with you?

Tearsoffrustration
I'm interested why people think, if I've got 10 hours a week when the kids are in school and he is in work, why I shouldn't get as much household stuff done, so we can spend the rest of the time doing things as a 'family'.

I'm shocked you can even ask. Why should you not do his housework? Because it's not your house and you don't live there!!!

I don't think you've answered those who have asked how much housework he does in your house. I'm not surprised because I'm pretty damn sure the answer is zero since he won't even clean his own place.

Do you honestly not realise how absurd and unacceptable his expectations are?

If it's not a deal breaker for you, it's not. Don't come crying to us in a few years when he does absolutely nothing and you're picking up his dirty socks from the living room floor.

Actually do, because you're allowed. But someone might say they told you so.

"You should refuse to even go round there unless he cleans the place in preparation for your visit, you're an important guest he should want to impress you with his housekeeping skills"

^^ This x 1000. I'm appalled he can't be bothered to keep it nice for your visit. But to expect YOU to clean it???

Why doesn't he ever come to your place?

What I find odd is that he expects you to do housework when you visit twice a week.

Now if you visit every weekend and he's always the one... Let's say cooking... I can understand a bit... But it sounds more like he expects you to do cleaning type work.

Just a word of warning... Your only working 10 hours a week... Sounds like you will be financially dependant on him, unless you have another source of finance.

Money can equal power... He's already asserting himself... Don't let yourself get pushed around by him... Plus it's his house... You aren't married... Any arguments and you and DC could be immediately homeless once you move in.

Just think carefully and protect yourself, because you're giving up your own home and that's not always a wise move.

There is nothing like financial independence.

I wouldn't move in with him. He needs a cleaner, not a DP.
I do nothing except basic cleaning up after myself. If DP didn't have a dishwasher I would do the dishes because he cooks. He doesn't clean my place and I wouldn't expect him to.
I did once clean the bathroom at his, because I have to use it; but he lives with 2 teenagers, you can imagine how long it stayed clean ... I just squint now and try not to notice it.

None .. not my house. If he cooked I might wash up and vice Versa but that's it .

( and he never cooks)