How much housework do you do at your DP's if you don't live together?

[Tearsoffrustration]

DP not happy because all I do is the dishes twice a week (see him after work one night a week & Saturday evening until Sunday night).

I said i can do more (his bathroom needs a good scrub tbh) but that it would eat into our time - he wasn't happy with that answer.

Do not move in with this man. He thinks your purpose is to clean.

In fact, LTB.

Well, good job you checked in with MN first then isn't it, before it all went tits up! So no need to move in with him now.

I'm going to go against the grain here. I don't live with my DP but spend 2-3 nights a week at his, and help with whatever chores that need doing while I'm there - empty the dishwasher, hang out the washing, hoover, pick up shopping, wipe down the shower, etc. I'm contributing to the mess while I'm there, so I do my bit to help clear it up, just as I would if I was staying with family or a friend.

He rarely comes to mine as it's less convenient and there isn't really space, so he doesn't contribute to the mess or housework in my place - but I think I'd be naffed off if he came over every week and I had to clear up after him once he'd left instead of him mucking in as we go.

What??! Why would he think you should clean his bathroom, or do any of his housework? Why would he even want you to spend some of your time with him cleaning his house?

I am actually open mouthed at this suggestion! How often does he pop round to yours to scrub your loo? (not a euphemism!)

Unless you go round to his and trash it on a regular basis, you need to tell him to sod right off!

Why on earth would you even consider moving in with someone who has amply demonstrated his sexist, lazy outlook, OP? Just exactly what is appealing about the prospect?

You are very likely to end up on here in a few years' time in a relationship of entrenched economic and domestic inequality -- you 'only work part time' so it was 'natural' for you to stop working when you had a child, meaning you are now doing 100% of the housework and childcare and too economically dependent to leave easily when you belated realise you are in a relationship with an asshat.

Think very carefully now. Mr Entitled has a disgusting bathroom he's too lazy to clean himself, expects housework done by you, even though he lives alone, and you spend one night a week there. Like a sap, you agree to tackle the bathroom, but no, that isn't good enough, because he doesn't want it to eat into your time together -- does he want you to make a special trip when he's at work, with your Marigolds and Lemon Jif???

Think, OP. Think very hard. Then put on your sports bra and sprint away.

Honestly I despair. Women like you (and there are still far too many) enable men like him. You'll be back on here in a couple of years time whining that he sits on his arse and does nothing while you do everything. And it will be entirely your own damn fault.
Give your bloody head a wobble, seriously.

He doesn't sound like moving in material to me. I'm surprised he ever left his parents' home.

I did none! DH would clean the place before I visited make dinner and then make breakfast! We've lived together for nearly 10 years and he pulls his weight with housework and the DC.

Don't settle nobody should settle he can't even clean his bathroom that's rank!

I would not live with this man in a million years

None. How much does he do at yours? Don't move in with him. He wants a maid.

I changed a toilet roll once.

Only been with my current dp for 6 months, but would not dream of opening his bathroom cabinet let alone cleaning it ... he cleans his own flat (I would say "obviously" but evidently not!), makes dinner, brings me coffee in bed, makes breakfast, shoos me away when I start trying to clean up dishes... and this is not a romantic man, just a fully grown adult.

You should refuse to even go round there unless he cleans the place in preparation for your visit, you're an important guest he should want to impress you with his housekeeping skills

I rarely post on this kind of threads but am amazed you call this person your DP, when such a basic level of twattiness has just been revealed.

He is not your partner. You don't know this man.

Actually, you do now so take it as what it is, a warning. And ditch the lazy, entitled twat.

The good news is since you don't live together yet, you don't need to LTB

RUN.
You'll move in with him though right?
Please raise your bar.

I think this is tricky. If you are just visiting 1/2 nights per week or you are spending an equal amount of time at yours - then nothing beyond cleaning up after yourself and help cooking/cleaning.

If you are de facto living together at one house ten I would expect the partner 'visiting' to do more.

Also I pay for a cleaner to clean my house, would I fuck be interested in spending my time cleaning someone elses flat!

Sorry OP but you would have to be 'insane' to move to in with this guy!

None!! Obviously we'd maybe cook dinner together and wash up together or take turns to do this and the same at my place. But clean his shower? No way! LTB (oooh my first LTB - I've been mumsnet christened! )

when me and my husband were first dating , the only housework any of us would do at each others would wash up if the other one have cooked.... that's ridiculous that he wants you to do the housework

Have not RTFT... but nothing!! And he doesn't expect me to!!!!

The signs are all there, you'd be mad to move in with him given his attitude. Don't be one those women who wish you'd taken heed of your instincts.

Errr none?

You'll do 100% of the housework at your own house - so 0% at his!

It would concern me that he had this expectation when you don't even live together.

He should do a share of the housework on weekends.

I assume you will have a joint account so that yours and his salary will be combined to become family money?

Oh dear.