What do I do?

[neverthoughtidhadtonamechange]

I really don't know how to start this, I don't want to drip feed either (so if you want to know anything just ask)

DP who is sleeping has just received a call from another woman (I wouldn't usually answer his phone but the same number called 12 times and I thought it could be urgent)

As soon as I said hello she hung up, I have tried calling her back but she has switched her phone off.

Now I don't know what to think because he has cheated on me in the past, he come clean about it because he was feeling guilty, this was 3 years ago, he thinks I have got over it but I haven't, every time I think about it, it just makes me feel very vulnerable.

A bit of a back story, for the past few months we haven't really been getting on the greatest due to him not wanting to spend time with me and DS5, he goes out and doesn't come back until late, and his excuse is "I don't feel as if you want me around you" - it is really hard to be around someone who doesn't speak, it feels like every conversation is forced, and when I suggest that we do things as a family he doesn't want to, he'd rather take DS out alone, which makes me feel very insecure, I am really not happy at the moment, the only reason I have stayed with him is for the sake of DS.

I am not silly or naive I suspect that he is seeing other women, and the worst thing about the whole situation is that my friends and family think he is perfect, he has got they charm.

I would text her with a Hi, sorry I missed your calls xx from his phone

This!! ^^

@Josuk I will admit I am emotional I've always been an emotional person, I have had private counselling sessions before but it didn't work, so I don't want to go down that route again, please do not tell me that I owe it to my son, he is a very happy little boy who always has a smile on his face.
@JustDontGetItAtAll have you not read the thread? I have said numerous times I will not be texting/calling her.

I think you need to hide this thread now, you're not taking on board anything that's being said and if it's distressing you then it's time to leave it alone.

I think OP is being given a bit of a hard time here. It's very easy to tell her what she needs to do when you're not involved.
From past experi

Whoops, posted too soon.
From past experience, being cheated on and trying ti move on is really hard and it's difficult to see the wood for the trees when you're in the situation.

OP, I've been in this situation -- been cheated on and had it 'resolved' then suspected it was happening again.
W

We don't know for sure what's happening it your DP should be supporting you in this. He has admitted an affair in the past and now has had some very odd phone calls. Even if it's not an affair, he should be trying to get to the bottom of it with you and not putting blame on you for stirring things up
I know you don't want to phone her but you need to get to to the bottom of this one way or the other, otherwise it'll keep eating st you.
Good luck OP. I've been in your situation and I know how awful it feels not knowing what's going on. I hope you resolve it

I think you're getting a very hard time on here from a lot of people, at a time when you're feeling distressed and uncertain about what you want or what is best to do.
It does sound as though your partner has emotionally checked out of your relationship though, and if this is so, then it's time for you to make some major changes and start looking for a separate place to live. It's his house, so it will be you moving out with your son. Perhaps you could find something close by, so your ds's contact can be easy and you can both continue to co parent him.

If I've been one of the posters giving you a hard OP then I apologise.

OP this is an awful situation. But,,, as he has cheated before and knows you are vulnerable (and supposedly loves you) then why wouldn't he call her when you asked him to? I know why.. because as soon as she heard his voice she would have talked to him normally and it would have shown they know each to her.

!2 calls? defo not a friend OP
No amount of counselling will help when the person causing the issues is still around.

Im sorry OP, you must know he is cheating? He could have easily put your mind at ease if he wanted to by calling her back (considering he cheated in the past) but he didn't... I think he has been cheating

Sorry OP , Hope your ok xx

12 calls that was meant to say!

Yes I feel as if many of you are giving me a hard time, and treating this as light entertainment, especially the person who said that it's the Avon Lady was that suppose to be a joke? futher more why would you come on here to make a joke about my current situation, I guess it makes you feel better about yourself, I have been on this site for a while and I have never ever mocked anyone, I don't know why people think it is "fine" to do so.

Ignore those people OP. But do try and listen to the people that are pointing out the obvious. Your DP should have been more than happy to put your mind at ease considering his past cheating.

Im sorry OP :-(

He said he won't explain himself because he never asks me to explain myself to him.. which he doesn't

He honestly sounds like he doesn't give a crap about you or this relatiotionship, this isn't how you treat someone you love.

Do you ever have need to explain yourself to him? Honestly, having cheated he should be bending over backwards to make you feel loved and secure, he isn't, what does that tell you about his feelings for you? He sounds like he genuinely doesn't give a crap about you, only you can decide if you want to live like that.

@MyGastIsFlabbered no I don't, he is not the sort of person to ask questions, if I were in the same situation as him (the late phone call) he would ask me once who is it and take my word for it, he wouldn't ask me to call the number back.

He says he hasn't done anything wrong, and he expects me to leave it at that.

Yes but you haven't cheated. He has, therefore he has the ground to make up, not you. He's made you feel like this and yet is still throwing it back at you as if it's your problem, nothing to do with him.

Just because he wouldn't ask you to call the number back doesn't mean he shouldn't! He's the one who cheated and you've already admitted your still not over what he did. He does nothing to make you feel loved and secure. He sounds really strange especially the fact that he avoids spending any time with you or as a family. That's not normal.

Ok I didn't see your reply!
I'm telling you to ring the number because you've already said they didn't speak - so how do you even know it's a woman? Just because the WhatsApp picture is of one doesn't mean it is. (Mine isn't if me!)
Ring the bloody number and say 'hi, had a few missed call - who's this'
Or answer and say 'dp is busy, can I take a message'

You don't have to be all 'woe is me, why are you ringing my beloved husband' - just ask who it is! I really don't understand how it's so hard!!

I don't think I'd be wrong in saying there are genuine people here that actually do care about other people's predicaments.
The responses you are getting, as far as I can see are giving good advice but I feel you just don't want to see it.

12 calls from a woman (?) to a man that has previously cheated is dodgy at best. A response that sounds defensive towards you is fairly dodgy and a pretty text book response from someone who is pretty cunning, but not cunning because it seems fairly transparent.

You have the number. You could ring it and explore more. I know I would. I'd be like a dog with a bone if this was going on in my life. BUT you don't want to do that.

You've got absolute reason to question further. OR, and I think this is more the case, you are absolutely head over heels with this guy and you're utterly terrified of finding out something that will hurt you. Fair enough but there is the question of dignity here. Here's playing you. He has you wrapped round his little finger and it seems you are taking his word. Maybe you enjoy this kind of treatment / drama ( and I use drama in a loose sense ) but I think this is hurting you so my lovely, pull up your big girl knickers, tell him that because of his past behaviour you need more reassurance about these calls. If you don't get it, ring that number.

Please start thinking about you!! About your sanity and about what you want and expect from what should be a mutually respectful relationship because as far as I can see, there isn't much respect coming from him.

Stand up for yourself.

I genuinely hope you are ok.

ChrisPrattsFace

Ring the bloody number and say 'hi, had a few missed call - who's this'
Or answer and say 'dp is busy, can I take a message'

Excuse me, who do you think you are to be giving me orders? Why are you ordering me to do something that I said I'm not willing to do, you sound very deluded!!

How dare you come on here and think it is fine order someone that you've never met, I guess this is just entertainment to you and your a dying to find out who the woman is, you are forgetting that this is got nothing to do with you, you sound like a person that loves to gossip and likes order other people around.

I know I would. I'd be like a dog with a bone if this was going on in my life. BUT you don't want to do that

Me and you are not the same, I have now forgetton about her number has been deleted. I have more important things on my mind other than to worry about another woman, and I am not head over heels about him, I would never be head over heels over a man, I love him because he came into my life and saved me and gave my a precious son, and the reason I am staying with him is because of my son my mum and dad split when I was 9 and it wasn't a nice experience, my dad moved on and had two other children but I can't fault him
as he has always given me everything and made sure I'm having the best life possible and made me feel as if I'm royalty, I don't want my son having to see dad on the weekend or putting him through the trauma of us having to move house.

Wow. Can't you see the difference between advice and giving orders?! You've been on here a while, apparently, have you never seen things written like that before?

So my advice is then is to grow some pretty thick skin, it's highly likely you'll need it. You've had some pretty good support here, hope it helps,