What do I do?

[neverthoughtidhadtonamechange]

I really don't know how to start this, I don't want to drip feed either (so if you want to know anything just ask)

DP who is sleeping has just received a call from another woman (I wouldn't usually answer his phone but the same number called 12 times and I thought it could be urgent)

As soon as I said hello she hung up, I have tried calling her back but she has switched her phone off.

Now I don't know what to think because he has cheated on me in the past, he come clean about it because he was feeling guilty, this was 3 years ago, he thinks I have got over it but I haven't, every time I think about it, it just makes me feel very vulnerable.

A bit of a back story, for the past few months we haven't really been getting on the greatest due to him not wanting to spend time with me and DS5, he goes out and doesn't come back until late, and his excuse is "I don't feel as if you want me around you" - it is really hard to be around someone who doesn't speak, it feels like every conversation is forced, and when I suggest that we do things as a family he doesn't want to, he'd rather take DS out alone, which makes me feel very insecure, I am really not happy at the moment, the only reason I have stayed with him is for the sake of DS.

I am not silly or naive I suspect that he is seeing other women, and the worst thing about the whole situation is that my friends and family think he is perfect, he has got they charm.

12 times though! Come on...if he won't call the number, you have your answer.

Who wouldn't wonder who the hell it could be...12 times?!?!

OP I have to ask, why did you post? Because literally every single thought or piece of advice you have been given have been dismissed by you. At some points you have even said 'why would I do that?' As if people are asking you to cut off a leg it's just suggestions - if you don't want to hear opinions, advice and ideas, what did you post for?

That should've said that I think it looks suspicious, not that you'd have your answer.

@Migraleve I posted because I don't have anyone in RL to discuss it with, I regret posting it as it feels like some of you are here just for entertainment.

It's not entertainment, but people are asking questions or giving advice and you're snapping at people who aren't posting what you want to read (see my earlier post).

Your husband refusing to call the number looks dodgy IMHO, plus he's already cheated on you and makes you anxious and insecure, what exactly are you getting from this relationship?

@MyGastIsFlabbered I would not call it snapping, as those people were being slightly rude.

I just can't get my head around people asking me to call that number, I don't know her I see her as irrelevant, she does not play any part in my life.

He is not my husband, we are not married, yes he makes me anxious and very vulnerable but he doesn't make me feel
insecure, that is one thing no one could make me feel.

I am not getting anything from this relationship at this moment, but we've had some very good times together and those memories are what I'm holding on to.

Insecure was not the word I should have used when referring to him wanting to take DS out alone.

OP I just read the thread and his response is exactly what a cheater would say. I mean seriously if there was no issue why wouldn't he?

Ok so he doesn't make you feel insecure but he does make you feel anxious and vulnerable. Having cheated once he should be bending over backwards to reassure you and make you feel like you and your boy are the centre of his world. Doesn't seem like he's doing either. Honestly, being single is better than being someone who cares so little for your feelings.

And I agree with other posters, his reaction to the missed calls speaks volumes. If he had nothing to hide he'd phone it if only to make you feel better.

I'd have to leave if I he was making me feel like this. I hated feeling betrayed - my DH denied it too, I thought I was paranoid and going mad - it all came out when I finally realised I couldn't live like that

Op , you are entitled to make of these calls what you want, you are the one that's living this. I would just say though that I think this woman is desperate to get hold of your OH because her OH has found out and is threatening to tell you what's going on, so she's trying to warn him.

I was with my ex husband for 12 years. 4 children.

I never EVER thought he would cheat on me. But he did. While I was asleep upstairs.

I moved out with all four children to a rent two bed flat. I received housing benefit and other benefits for a short while to help me on my feet. He denied an affair all along (I still didn't know at that point.....i was THAT niave).

He asked me back after three months. I waited another 3 months and decided to give it a go for the sake of the children.

He said he wasn't having any contact with her any more.

I was back 2 months before I checked his phone. There was a call from her the day before. No name. Just her number (we were friends so I knew her number).

My entire world fell apart that day when I confronted her.

PLEASE take this seriously. He has cheated on you before. He is already lying to you.

He's cheated, is cheating again. Do you want to share a partner? I know I wouldn't.

I'm sorry OP but someone who makes you feel anxious and vulnerable is not someone you should be planning to spend the rest of your life with - you deserve better than that.

I have spoken to him again, I have asked him to call the number, he said that he is not calling the number because he doesn't know who he is going to be calling, and that if I'm so interested to find out that I should call the number to find out, I told him that I added the number into my WhatsApp and it's a woman, he answer "why would you do that, you are always bringing problems to yourself this is why you are like this, then you want to put the blame on me" he has now gone to shower and get ready for bed, he has left his phone with me and told me if the number does call that I should answer and ask her who she is.

Really didn't want to share this with you all but I can't start something then not finish it.

Wow. I'm wondering what you're looking for here. He's obviously treating you like a door mat. You don't want to call the number because you don't want the confirmation. I'm thinking you are your own worst enemy.

Sorry.

I would text her with a Hi, sorry I missed your calls xx from his phone

@wishyoudjustmovetfout it has nothing to do with confirmation, if the number calls tonight I will speak to her.

It's the Avon lady

Wow, he's really done a number on you hasn't he? 'Bringing problems on yourself?' Who the fuck does he think he is? It's his bloody phone.

OP - do you understand that you are making no sense?

• The woman didn't want to speak with you before - why would she speak to you now?
• Ans if it was some sort of OW - surely he'd have told her off....

It's very unclear what you get out of this relationship. What you both get.

@Josuk I just don't want to keep and thinking about it as it's just going to make me ill, I didn't sleep last night and I haven't eaten anything today, I wish I wouldn't have posted this on here.

Yes I know she didn't want to speak to me before, and I don't really want to speak with her either.

I'm not getting anything out of this relationship, I am going to have to speak to a friend in RL about this because I can't keep it to myself anymore, I know I've posted it on here, but I'm finding it very hard to take advice as I'm only seeing letters.

It doesn't sound to me like he wants to be with you, why wouldn't he want to go on holiday with his partner and child? Why does he take your son out on his own without you? This doesn't sound like a happy relationship whatsoever.

If you want to know who she is then text/call her. It's all well and good saying you don't want to snoop but it's the only way your going to get answers as he's clearly not going to tell you the truth is he. I suspect you are scared to snoop as you know you won't like what you find, it's not snooping if you have genuine concerns that he's up to no good.

OP - please go and get help.
I don't think you need any more advice. You've got so much, and all kinds, from all sides.
And you can't process any of it.

You sound confused and emotional. And you don't sound like you are thinking with much clarity or are making sense. You opinions and statements switch polarity.
It's strange to observe.

You said you have money. Go see a private couselor. Won't be faster than on NHS.
You owe your DC a heathy mother!!!!

WHAT 'DEBS' SAID!!!!!!!!! Do it!!!!!!