What do I do?

[neverthoughtidhadtonamechange]

I really don't know how to start this, I don't want to drip feed either (so if you want to know anything just ask)

DP who is sleeping has just received a call from another woman (I wouldn't usually answer his phone but the same number called 12 times and I thought it could be urgent)

As soon as I said hello she hung up, I have tried calling her back but she has switched her phone off.

Now I don't know what to think because he has cheated on me in the past, he come clean about it because he was feeling guilty, this was 3 years ago, he thinks I have got over it but I haven't, every time I think about it, it just makes me feel very vulnerable.

A bit of a back story, for the past few months we haven't really been getting on the greatest due to him not wanting to spend time with me and DS5, he goes out and doesn't come back until late, and his excuse is "I don't feel as if you want me around you" - it is really hard to be around someone who doesn't speak, it feels like every conversation is forced, and when I suggest that we do things as a family he doesn't want to, he'd rather take DS out alone, which makes me feel very insecure, I am really not happy at the moment, the only reason I have stayed with him is for the sake of DS.

I am not silly or naive I suspect that he is seeing other women, and the worst thing about the whole situation is that my friends and family think he is perfect, he has got they charm.

You would be leaving because his dad is an arsehole who makes his mum sad.

Ds would be loads better with a happy mum. You are his home.

I'm certainly not of that mentality thanks. I'm am not dependent financially on anyone nor would I want to be.

Saiman is saying what I was trying to say.

@SomeKindOfGenius well you wouldn't have asked such a thing, it should have never come to your mind.

@neverthoughtidhadtonamechange hey Hun,

For me personally I'm not a snooper either but for me if I felt any doubt I couldn't be with that person.. no one could blame you after he cheated already if it was me I'd of gone then because I personally wouldn't be able to move past that and reading this I should say you've struggled to... I don't think you are staying for money etc but a move with a child is daunting and then the little one having questions will hurt to but staying and hurting yourself, children sense that so truthfully either way your child will get hurt but he will get past it if you leave or partner does... two unhappy parents makes a sad child whether this happened or not you clearly haven't moved past what happened last time.. I would seriously put you and your son first your partner can still be a good dad even without you being together and you already sound a good mom so the child will be ok x

@MrsMamaG2016 thank you very much, best advice given. I am going to leave but I can't leave instantly, that's what some people on here don't understand, thanks once again enjoy your Sunday x

Op trust is the most important part of any relationship. Sometime it can be repaired. Other than the late night calls is there any reason to think he is having another affair?
Prior to the calls last night were you happy? Had you moved on together from the last affair?
This could be a random error and the person last night was trying to contact someone else.
I think you need a proper chat with your partner and you need to be honest with yourself.
Life is too short to be in a relationship where you are unhappy.

@eatingtomuch hey, no there isn't any other reason to believe he is having an affair, when he cheated the last time I didn't know about it, he come clean because he was feeling guilty even though it's when me and he weren't getting on too well. I'm not happy due to the fact that he doesn't want to spend time with me and DS I suggested a holiday during half term and he said to go with one of my friends and her son, which I did it's things like that which make me feel anxious and I feel as if I am not nice to be around.

@Saiman no idea why you are throwing insults to my sons father, I understand you may be having a bad day or generally not happy with your life, but that's no excuse.

@neverthoughtidhadtonamechange you know what you do, for you and your child.. just try stay positive and things will work out ..good luck Hun x

You're very defensive OP, I get that you're probably shocked by it all but I have to admit if my boyfriend got a load of late night phone calls I wouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion he was cheating, the fact that you think that speaks volumes.

Leave or don't leave, it's entirely your choice, but don't get snippy with others who are trying to support you, albeit in a possibly clumsy way.

FWIW I walked out with my 2 DCs then aged 5 and 2...we've never looked back.

@neverthoughtidhadtonamechange

You have missed what I am saying. You confirmed to someone up thread that it wasn't about the house or the money. That's why it "came to my mind". I was trying to say good, if it's not about those things there can't be much else practically stopping you.
You have since explained that you consider it to be about where your son lives and that's fine but I wasn't accusing you of being there for the money.

I don't understand why you have posted that in my thread, why on earth would I want to hire a hacker?!

Ignore the hacker post that's now deleted, it's just spam.

@MyGastIsFlabbered I am not being defensive, I just won't have a stranger online insulting my sons father, I have given it a thought and I believe that he is not having relations with the women that called him yesterday but I will talk to him later.

@Saimanno idea why you are throwing insults to my sons father, I understand you may be having a bad day or generally not happy with your life, but that's no excuse.

I am very happy and having a great day, thanks.

Not sure what your issue is with me. Your partner is an arsehole. He has cheated on you at least twice, is lying to you and making you feel bad for being suspicous (which is abusive) and you know if you split he will refuse to leave and would rathee see his son move home than him move.

Your 'sons father' is abusing your sons mother. Producing kids does not make it impossible to be an arsehole.

But you have said he cheated on you previously, most posters on here take a dim view of that and honestly 'arsehole' is mild compared to some of the names he could have been called. If you didn't want anybody saying anything negative about him then maybe you shouldn't have started this thread?

Not read through all the posts but read some, sounds like he is cheating on you by not wanting to be put the the spot, that would make me think he is hiding something x

Your DH is exploiting your passivity.
He is making it quite clear he is not interested in you anymore.
But a lot of women float along in these circumstances to keep up appearances.
I wouldn't do it, but a lot of women do.
It really is okay to not be married.

Can someone just ring the bloody number back??????

😂😂😂😂😂

Hi OP
I've been in your position and you need to ask yourself a couple of questions.

1. Do you love him?
2. Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?
3. Do you trust him?

If the answer to 3 is no, then it will destroy any yeses to 1 and 2. If the answers to 1 and 2 are no then you have your answer.
I tried to carry on after my exdp cheated and the lack of trust ate me up. He did eventually cheat again but our relationship was destroyed long before. Only you know if you believe him but I read upthread that you thought you needed to leave. I'm pleased that you don't need to worry about money, it's not the case for most people.
Take some time, think this through and good luck xxx

@ChrisPrattsFace really? I have idea why you are telling me to call the number, I have already said that I am not going to call the number, what exactly am I going to get out of calling another woman? what exactly do you expect me to say "Hi I want to know why you are calling N's phone?" Why would I embarrass myself like that? and why would I embarrass him like that too? It feels as if this is just entertainment to you.

OP - you seem to have strange yo-yo swings.
First you say - he is cheating, I am leaving. Definetely. He is making me so anxious I can't take it....
Then you say - I've given it a thought and I believe he is or cheating....

Are you for real? I don't know if he is cheating or not. But I can see - your moods are oscillating. Can you, possibly, be depressed?
I hope you figure out to deal with your issues.
Reacting, overreacting, etc - and not on basis of reality, but rather based on your moods - is not an easy way to live...

@RamsayBoltonsConscience
Yes I do love him, and I will never stop loving him due to the fact that he gave me our son and he also rescued me when I was in a dark place, and going through depression.
I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him if he changes some of his ways I'm willing to change some of mine too.
I do trust him even though he makes me feel anxious and sometimes very vulnerablez

Why would it embarrass you to call the number? It would only embarrass him if he's up to no good.

TBH I feel like you wanted everyone on the thread to say "there, there hun I'm sure it's just a wrong number, nothing to worry about" and you're throwing your toys out of the pram a bit that you're not getting this response.