Online Disappearance

[CactusBridget]

So. I "met" and have been messaging/Skyping/talking to a guy on Muddy Matches for over three weeks now. I'm not friends with him on FB, he's got some public stuff that shows on his FB profile, inc pics of he and his ex. We agreed that once we meet next week, we'd get into the whole FB thing. I currently use Whatsapp to message and phone him. We live miles away from each other, but would have met sooner only he was on hols last week, and me this week. He told me out of curiosity he still reads messages he receives on Muddy, but I haven't bothered since chatting with him. For my Birthday last week, lovely message about us celebrating together next year, and we'd be going on hols together next time. Etc., etc. So, we had a perfectly normal chat on Friday and complete radio silence since. Do I:-
A) Ring/message to check he is still alive and hasn't fallen off his horse or had his phone eaten by said horse.
B) assume he's met someone else this weekend
C) let him vanish into black hole as he's obviously not interested.

B sorry. .

B, but be prepared for him to contact you with some wild story about why he hasn't been in touch in a few weeks or so.

C ..because he probably isn't single

D) Assume he is bobcat hunting with his uncle

It's B. On the very small chance that is in fact A, he'll be in touch again. But IME, they never are...

Sorry. It's bloody annoying and hurtful when people do this!

When someone ignores you then they don't want to hear from you, I really is that simple, I never understand these posts asking should I make contact again, NO, you shouldn't.

What a git though.

You're all telling me what I know and it's great to get the external kipper slap around the chops, but at risk of sounding super sappy, we really clicked. Yuck. Hate to say it out loud. "Met someone else, have a nice life" would be mannerly. Ho hum.

I'd sack him off and agree don't be surprised to get some over the top excuse as to why he's not been intouch.

This puts me off online dating so much although having said that i have made some great mates who it fizzled out with but the friendship is great, obviously not when i've been ghosted.

Plenty more OP! Good luck

PGoat D)

Sorry just ready your reply! An you're right, whats the problem with them sending a message just to give you the heads up

Hes not worthy of a reply, save it for someone who's bothered :) it is especially not nice when you ' click ' though, thats a kicker

Ghosting. Googled it. I've learned a new word. I am she. Bollocks.

Thanks Sparkley.👍🏻

Tempted to send "I presume you are bobcat hunting with your uncle" lol!

Probably met someone else. And that woman is probably not his ex.

I'm going to go with the majority and say B too. I also agree that he may pop up in the future with a wild excuse as to why he's gone quiet.

It's shit but unfortunately seems to happen a lot within the dating scene.

Off topic but I also find it a little too forward that he was sending you messages saying next year you'd be on holiday and celebrating together - I'm assuming you've not met at all in person, I'd probably class it as a red flag. Maybe he's all talk and doesn't intend on meeting anyone in the flesh. Just a thought.

Please send him that! 'Haven't heard from you in a few days, no worries. Presume you're out bobcat hunting with you uncle, enjoy! You don't need need to reply!

OP, I really feel for you. I've been ghosted by 3 guys recently after first dates that I felt went well. On two of said dates, they asked me if I wanted to see them again then I never heard another thing!
Its not nice. Its not just you, I know it doesn't make it any easier, but I don't want to go out with someone who is so rude they'd do this anyway!

ps I did send one guy a rather sarcastic text saying "I hope you haven't been eaten by your cats" after he had completely ignored my nice friendly and non-stalky previous text..

When you say perfectly normal chat on Friday, do you mean the one just gone? 3 days ago?

If so my vote is A, and until you know for sure, assume he's been busy during the weekend or didn't want to come across as desperate or something (although in the phone call, I think it would be a good idea to check if this was the case, and ask him to let you know in future if he's likely to be too busy to talk).

If you can though, try to not get yourself too attached to him and remember you are still dating, and you don't thoroughly know him yet (and the same goes for him knowing you). He might also be chatting to other ladies and he might not know who he likes most yet, or (hopefully not, but still possible) he could be still with the lady he says is his ex so either of the concerns expressed by fish and averageguy could be possible.

Ahhhh the old Bobcat hunting with the uncle chestnut. It's happened to us all.

Seriously, I'm thinking C

I think it's only ghosting if you've actually met the person and formed some kind of in-person relationship with them.

Before that, you may feel like you've 'clicked' but you don't know the person themselves, just your own projection of who they are, based upon what they've said. You don't know what they actually look like, what they sound like. You don't know if those photos are actually of them or just a very well thought out catfish. You don't know whether someone else is telling them what to type.

Sorry, this happens a lot with online dating (it just happened to me) but until you've met them at least once, you're both just words on a screen.

This is why you shouldn't overinvest

Nope. He can't be too busy to send a goodnight or a good morning message. He's managed to every day since 6/6 and literally hours on the phone even when he was on hols last week with his brother. (Yes I got Hm to send a selfie of them in case he wasn't actually with his bro). Red flag re next year celebrating, I hadn't thought of it like that before. Just thought that was nice thing for him to say.

Bant, we've Facetimed and Skyped for hours. From the FB snooping I did manage to do, everything checks out. Ex is ex. It's really surprising he couldn't just manage "I've had a change or heart", or something like that. Main thing is, that based on input from all of you, I'm not going to contact him again.

It sounds like he's just bailed on meeting in RL.for whatever reason. Btw in my view, good morning/night texts are an arseache...what do they even mean??! Red flag if you either send/attach any importance to them...this person is s stranger, why rely on him to text you literally morning and night?

B or c but as he was already talking about spending your next birthday together before you'd even met in real life did that not put you off?