Online Disappearance

[CactusBridget]

So. I "met" and have been messaging/Skyping/talking to a guy on Muddy Matches for over three weeks now. I'm not friends with him on FB, he's got some public stuff that shows on his FB profile, inc pics of he and his ex. We agreed that once we meet next week, we'd get into the whole FB thing. I currently use Whatsapp to message and phone him. We live miles away from each other, but would have met sooner only he was on hols last week, and me this week. He told me out of curiosity he still reads messages he receives on Muddy, but I haven't bothered since chatting with him. For my Birthday last week, lovely message about us celebrating together next year, and we'd be going on hols together next time. Etc., etc. So, we had a perfectly normal chat on Friday and complete radio silence since. Do I:-
A) Ring/message to check he is still alive and hasn't fallen off his horse or had his phone eaten by said horse.
B) assume he's met someone else this weekend
C) let him vanish into black hole as he's obviously not interested.

Aww, what a shame SoENFJ. It can be so hard to find someone can't it.

For those saying "it's only 3 days" or "he might just be busy" etc, IME, any change in communication is a bad sign. If you have been chatting daily and get a sudden silence, or reduction in messages, it's never good. Ever. No one is that busy that they can't send a quick message.
I totally agree with the meeting sooner rather than later, ideally within a week. And also that future-faking is a bad sign...anyone that's ever said "oh, we must do such and such next year" has disappeared shortly afterwards.
I disagree with Hilda that it's a people shop...that's a horrible way to look at it! It is a numbers game and you'll come across far more people that you don't want to have a relationship with than those you do but it doesn't take much to treat everyone you come across with honesty and respect. OLD would be so much more pleasant if more people could manage that!

He rang half an hour ago, although I was gearing up to ring him. We had a chat. He invited me to a wedding and I told him honestly I couldn't go. He doesn't really understand why I can't leave my kids for a whole day and a whole evening (they're a pre-teen and a teen). He thinks that they'd survive right. It's not that simple. Anyway, I just told him honestly that I couldn't go to that wedding. It was left in a bye, chat some time kind of way.

ItoldyouIwasFreaky omg sweetheart how the hell are you!!! I am glad to see you online. I'm your name-changing pal from way back when...... bacon. Long time ago now.

So SoEn does he know that's it then in terms of a relationship? Geography is a bummer. Feel for you. Nice Ines are hard found. 😢

I think so. I told him not to wait for me. He said he was very patient.
But I know he's just softening the end, making the conversation easier. I said I'd come and visit him in his town some time this summer if I got a free day but we discussed my lack of freedom so he's knows there's no date for this yet. He has no dc but he couldn't leave his dog because his dog would howl all day and upset the neighbours. So one of the times he came to see me he brought the dog with him and the second time, a friend minded his dog but his dog bit the minder's dog. So. He has got to understand that if a dog complicates things, two eye-rolling children complicate matters more.

I like him as a person though, and nothing happened between us, so I won't be in touch every ten minutes but I would like to keep in touch. And then visit him as a friend? Does that sound OK>

Nice ones

Oh yes that does sound ok and you never know in time. Stuff changes. Xxx

Hello SoEnfj! Should have recognised you from "no response is a reponse"

Sorry about your fella. Sounds like you did the right thing though and I don't see any reason why you couldn't keep him as a friend.

All's well here. I have an actual boyfriend! 8 months now and going well. I've have my usual angsts but not so many. He's really lovely and we're very happy. Memories of bacon are fading...

But he may not even exist? Not as the person you think he is anyway. Count your losses and move on to someone who deserves you.

So.....the Jolly Roger was on WhatsApp just now, so it's not A) 😂

No I didn't message him. Before anyone asks! Was archiving thread and it popped up he was online.

Following this tread with interest. Was considering Muddy. Tried POF but abandoned the profile. The most interesting online convo I had on POF was with a man who went on and on about applying for a job at Sainsbury's . Was hoping Muddy would be different because at least there is a mutual interest. Firm on the fence after reading this threat.

Hi Red.
He's "just not that in to me" is the consensus. No manners anyway.
I think there are nobs and nice guys on any site. The bit about meet sooner rather than later I'm taking on board and I'm way more savvy thanks to this thread on Red Flags etc etc.
Good luck in your search. 😉

That's a shame Cactus. Hopefully the next one won't be a keyboard raider. Not sure if I will give it another go. Men I really get on well with tend to be living far away. Really far away like separated by sea far away. I'm mid forties and not sure if I have the energy for it or time to date tbh. Guess I'm after distraction more than anything else right now.

It's obviously genetic. Muddy man was up as 50 and then "confessed" he's 53 when we spoke. Since changed his profile to 53. Told me he was getting his OLDER BROTHER to sign up whilst they were away on hols together recently, and just seen bro's put himself down as 50 too! Lol!

Add 5 years to whatever age they say they are. Women are the ones telling the truth as they dont want to be cliché. Men don't give a rat's ass about being cliché.

Thats utter bull crap. Lots of women lie about their age - and their dress size come to that. Just because one guy didnt text lets not categorise 50% of the human race 😂

Redcomet I met my lovely BF On MM. I was actually very similar to the guy in this! My drunk friend signed me up and BF messaged me but at the time I was still so cut up over my XH that I really wasn't ready for that. So I dithered him around. We met after a year of sporadic messaging then became friends and he met someone. After about 4 years from first meeting, he was single and it just happened! I think because we were friends without any agenda for so long it took the pressure off and gave me the time to recover from XH.
I feel awful for being such a cow now and he does tease me about it!

That's not true Pink, far too many men look so relieved and happy when I turn up looking the size and age presented in my photos, a lot of men, especially those who date a lot, are braced for a woman who turns up three stone heavier and ten years older because it happens all the time! Apparently it's 50/50.

A lot of men lie about their age but it's obvious when the photo is of a fifty something and the profile says forty. Women tend not to be found out until meeting because they airbrush their photos to look younger!!!

F me! Home and chatting to another guy on MM. Got from hello to phone chat in a day and suggesting meeting sooner rather than later. All going good. Red Flag antennae set to high alert. Cactus has copped herself on. Seemed nice and normal.
Then. He made a comment that he didn't mind his ex wife having sex with someone else when they were together, it was that he didn't know. So marriage ended cause of not affair, but her lying about affair????!!! Said something to effect of having been to wild parties in the past with her and these things happen. After I got off floor - where I'd fallen, he said if it happened with us he would be fine about it. Feck me Pampas Grass pink. I asked why he didn't just go on a swingers site as I explained I would be NOT into watching someone who I was in a relationship with shift another woman. I have a great sense of humour and don't care if I'm a prude, but Pampas said he'll ring me later to explain better as he is at work. Like that stopped him up to the point when I fell goldfish silent. What are these guys on?!!!

My friend chatted to a man who wanted a polyamorous relationship and proceeded to tell her all aboutique his imaginary harem of women. Might be the same bloke @CactusBridget?

Emma. Polyamorous. I've acquired a whole new lexicon this week since turning 50 and telling you all about my OLD woes! God wonder if it is same man?! Should be a parallel site we can post on called Mucky Matches for these types! 🤣

He was mid-50s and all his profile pix were of him posing with his twenty-something daughters. At first glance, it looked like his daughters were part of his polyamorous team. When we realised that the glamorous women in his photos were his children, well, er, okay then

Cactus, one guy on MM who contacted me and seemed very keen had a profile picture of himself holding his ferrets. (Not a euphemism )

Another guy posted a picture of himself at a sporting venue of which I am also very fond, so I sent him a nice chatty email. Nothing. I gave up on MM in the end as there were too many entitled men looking for a 'lady'. One even said he was often compared to Colin Firth and that so many women contacted him we shouldn't feel upset if he didn't reply . Shame that he couldn't spell or punctuate.

Life's much simpler for me being a mad cat lady.

In stitches Emma and Cinders! 😂