Online Disappearance

[CactusBridget]

So. I "met" and have been messaging/Skyping/talking to a guy on Muddy Matches for over three weeks now. I'm not friends with him on FB, he's got some public stuff that shows on his FB profile, inc pics of he and his ex. We agreed that once we meet next week, we'd get into the whole FB thing. I currently use Whatsapp to message and phone him. We live miles away from each other, but would have met sooner only he was on hols last week, and me this week. He told me out of curiosity he still reads messages he receives on Muddy, but I haven't bothered since chatting with him. For my Birthday last week, lovely message about us celebrating together next year, and we'd be going on hols together next time. Etc., etc. So, we had a perfectly normal chat on Friday and complete radio silence since. Do I:-
A) Ring/message to check he is still alive and hasn't fallen off his horse or had his phone eaten by said horse.
B) assume he's met someone else this weekend
C) let him vanish into black hole as he's obviously not interested.

Cactus I said about the reg flag (referring to his message about next year) as IME I find that people who promise the world and more before a meet has even happened tend to disappear or ghost. It's happened to me a few times - I always tread carefully if a person brings up future events like that before I've even met them.

LesMis. Thought it nice that he thought to do Morning/Night texts. But yup, not wildly significant as haven't met him.
Myusername200. This is my first "ghosting" and I take on board what you've said about over promising. Will be mindful of it in future.

Don't pander to his ego by getting in contact again. He will be pissed off you're not that into him, which leaves you feeling better about the whole thing.

I think this is about to happen to me again

Same story as OP - guy who seems really keen and sends loads of messages before meeting. Trying to finalise plans to meet and boom, goes silent. I am on the verge of giving up on OLD.

Like your thinking Maud! 😁👍🏻

Gosh give up then Nearlyfree. Let him make move. Especially if you can see it coming.

This happens frequently and is another reason why i'm not loving the online dating scene. Men are like kids in a candy store!

Definite red flag him saying about celebrating together next year, im now very wary of anyone who makes reference to future holidays or meeting their family as its always turned out to be rubbish.

Sorry it sucks doesn't it when you've invested time and effort into someone and they can't even be straight with you and tell you they've met someone else. It wouldn't even have entered his tiny mind to be considerate to you.

Thanks Earthangel. I've only been online 6mths and the learning curve is pretty steep! 😩

Candy store good analogy. 😩

Isn't it a form of love bombing, a narcissistic behaviour? Idealise, Devalue, Discard. At least he's done the discarding without the devaluing so count your lucky stars.

This is why if I ever do OLD again I will not chat with someone for more than a week without meeting them in person. If they don't want to meet, then bye-bye.

OLD makes it too easy to get invested in a person you've never even met.

It's only been 3 days though- is it that weird?

He is just not that into you- if he disappeared on you. Sorry.

Obviously C

I agree with importanceofhappiness don't bother taking so much time out of your day to text somebody you haven't met. I used to do that at the beginning but I don't anymore. I would quite honestly say ''gonna say bye now, I'm going to watch the people versus OJ Simpson'' or whatever. I'd rather watch crap on netflix than waste time on people I haven't met.

The only time I felt a date went really well and he didn't want to see me again, but never communicated that, he sent me a fucking linkedIn request, on tooozday as Katy Perry would say. A linkedIn request.

This is all v helpful. Thanks gang. 👍🏻

I'm gonna go against the grined here and say A. But I would send him a whatsapp so you know if he's read it or clearly ignoring...then you know.

I'd do that anyway because it's the not knowing which would annoy me.

Just a quick message like "how was your weekend"?

God no. An unanswered whatsapp tells you NOTHING you didn't already know.

No response is a response.

Soenfj - with ya! Silence is golden. 😉

Maybe he's waiting for you to strike up a convo first though??

I don't know, I'm new to this dating game as well having just come out of a 19yr relationship.

You guys haven't even met and you think it's weird you haven't spoken since Friday? Chill out

I feel suitably stupid. 😔

Op you mention a horse. Assuming you really mean an actual horse, does he compete? It's county show season and horse people the country over are busy busy busy. Just a thought.

OLD ghosting is so common now that I think testosterone driven men (of all ages, professions, life stages and circumstances) are ruining the dating scene for everyone, including themselves. It's disrespectful and shows what idiots they are evolving in to because of their inability to behave well towards another person whether they want to see them out not. I've given up on OLD. I've realised it doesn't even matter what the woman looks like, behaves like or circumstance they're in due to the nature of OLD, it is a breeding ground for men to treat women badly and keep moving on to the next to maintain their excitement. Very immature.

Yes horse horse. But not excusing the vanishing on his giddy upping.

Yes Finding. Think it's buzz. He said he'd marry me if my Beef Welly was good. Feckington! I was caught in the virtual Dick Sand. Numpty me. 😩