DP cant hold a job and he thinks i dont support him

[soconfused40]

Hello all. I wrote another post sometime ago regarding this but there is a new situation. DP of two years can not hold a job. He has changed 4 or 5 (i lost count by now) in the last 6 months . It is always their fault , they are always try to make him leave because they are jealous of him or worried about their jobs because he is so good, there is always a bad supervisor that will bully him etc. After the first 2-3 jobs i realized that there is a pattern, it can not all be that bad or that jealous of him so there must be a different reason Despite all that i am always supportive to him and i never raised my concerns.
Lately when he complains about his latest job i am trying to show him another perspective. For example when he says that the supervisor bullies him i am saying that what he describes its within the "normal" , he isnt there to be friends. Or when they installed a system at to ensure that all employees do their job i said that its not that bad they are just trying to ensure that people do what they are paid for.
Apparently that means that "i can not support him", " i always support his enemies", " always taking the side of people who dont like him", "he wants a wife that he can talk to and he doesnt want to tell em things because i dont support him". When i remind him that i supported him every time and i just try to give him different perspective he just carries on, he isnt interested to listen the explanation
I am confused as i dont understand why he would think that. Also i am afraid that he really believes that they are all against him and jealous and thats why he is losing the jobs. We dont live together at the moment and i never supported him financially. But we are planning to get married and then his actions will affect our both lives. Any perspectives, opinions appreciated

He can't hold down a job because he can't cope with not being in control of everyone, from the sounds of it.

You are describing an abusive relationship. It would only escalate if you marry, move in together, and above all if you have kids.

You are doing the right thing. This will eat years of your all too finite life. Stop throwing good love after bad - you're with him from the sunk costs fallacy, I suspect. Get out, stay out, and find someone worth your time.

Who cares about his childhood? The OP is not his shrink! He needs help? Almost certainly. But the OP is not equipped to provide it, and anyway, as the old joke goes it takes one therapist to change a lightbulb, but the lightbulb has to really, really want to change.

Incidentally, I have ADD. It makes life somewhat hard at times. But I don't spend my life blaming other people for my own mistakes and challenges, and I certainly don't emotionally abuse my husband.

you are not at fault. you are making the right decision. we are here for you. ltb. send him a text now. put his stuff in a black bin bag, change the locks and tell him when he can pick up his stuff. if he doesn't you will bin it. don't be there when he's supposed to come round or have someone with you.

You can't possibly respect him.

Make your plans now.

You need to make a decision, op. I have a friend like this, she must've changed 12-13 jobs in less than 2 years. It's always someone else's fault. She's currently job hunting again after 3 months at current job. I don't think she'll ever change....

Sleep YY know several adults with ADHD. They are not abusive controllers and arse holes, whereas that guy is.

And the OP isn't his HCP anyhow.

You don't have to leave him.
You only have to walk away.
See how easy it is.
You feel so weak by it all and you are afraid to call it a day.
Don't waste anymore time and energy on this one op.

Life is to beautiful to waste on someone who brings you down.

Oh Op - he doesn't actually want to work!
Everyone 'bullies' him? They want him to do a decent days work for his wage.
They want to check his work? That's because they want a decent days work for the wage they pay him.
Every one is jealous of him? Well, what else could it be? They must hate him because he's so smart/good looking/drives a flash car/perfect skin - because to come down on him for any other reason would mean a level of self-searching that he doesn't have, and will never have.

He's an idle, entitled twat. And you will end up serving this entitled twat for your entire life.

Thank you all again for the replies. For those who ask about his childhood, i never met his dad apparently he was very abusive person. His mum was allowing the abuse but i assume she was a victim herself too. Having said that, i used to excuse his behavior because of his past but i wont anymore. Plenty of people had bad childhood they didnt all turn like he did. As for adult ADHD , i dont think he has this problem, he is very capable of concentrating etc. Its mostly that he really thinks that he is better than anyone else and somehow everyone is against him. Today he threatened me "not to cross the line and become his enemy" and other sort of cr@@. he makes it so easier for me to leave

He is threatening you?

Tell him it's over. You are so fortunate that you have none of the complications of shared finances / house / children etc. Thank your lucky stars you have been given a god sent opportunity to get out now.

And don't try and make him 'see' your point of view. He never will, and he will make you out to be the bad guy. There is no point going around in circles with someone like this.

Run, run like the wind.

So are you going to leave, OP? Immediately?

Threats are the start. Drop him and find a real life with someone who is decent

Ltb.

If you marry him he will bleed you dry emotionally and financially. You will never be shot of him and you will pay for his mistakes for a very long time. Marriage is risky at the best of times.

And bloody hell do not have kids with him! He will end up the stat at home parent and do fuck all! Then you'll never be able to leave him as he will get resident parent status and you'll be weekend mummy living in a bed sit.

I have a friend from uni who married a guy just like this. That's what happened to her.

Please get out op.

Some of the stuff you said reminds me of my parents OP.

There's always some sort of problem that's never really their fault or some sort of "hardship" they're experiencing (or worse a conspiracy against them). It's difficult as from an outsiders perspective you would be inclined to believe them as they're great company, welcoming etc but when you've been around it long enough you start seeing the cracks.
My DF had recently started working for a company on a self employed basis, v little contact with other self employed workmen/tradesmen as its never on location. But apparently other tradesmen are trying to get my DF and his subordinates "out" as they're not English (eastern EU) and the company used to be mainly English up until now.
Also my DM apparently had trouble and was disliked at previous jobs due to being better than her superiors (team leaders/managers etc) and they didn't like it. Granted my DM is extremely talented and fast learner at everything she does and other people openly admit that but it's like she's expecting everyone to have it out for her.

It's tiring and irritating and if there was no family ties I would've ran for the hills ages ago.

For the last couple of hours he keeps sending messages with threats and insults. Last night he hang up the phone on me and dissapeared and now its my fault that i didnt chase after him. I have a shity character and he is above me and much better than me and he is with me despite my flaws. I guess i should feel grateful. He regrets nothing and i should not cross the line and become his enemy because he will revenge me for treating him like shit.Etc etc Its like the delusional mumble of a madman at this point and i am so tired of it all. I dont even know what i did other than not chasing him when he hang up the phone.

It's time to block his number, I'm afraid.

Don't doubt yourself. Do leave.
It will of course all be your fault for being, unsupportive, controlling, obsessed with money and you were never good enough for him anyway. In his head. Not in reality.

on the bright side he shows me exactly what he is and i will be stupid to stay with a person like that

Oh x post. The not good enough has already started.

He sounds quite mentally unwell actually, it wouldnt surprise me if he becomes actually dangerous to be around pretty quickly from here.

Yes it does sound crazy and yes its time to block. He lost the plot . And He just text me that i am a whore that never supports him and i am always against him. I am sorry for bothering you all with all that mess

Op I would count yourself very lucky you have seen his true colours now and not after you got married and potentially had DCs!

He strikes me as someone who would not hesitate to use them against you.

Make sure you keep any texts that have threats in case you need to involve the police :(

Well at least this has made it easier to get rid of this loser!

Send one final message:

'I will be blocking your number after this text. Never contact me again. I have kept every abusive message you have sent me and will be taking advice from the police regarding your harassment and threatening behaviour. I repeat: our relationship is over, do not contact me by any means again.'

Maybe don't block immediately as it will be useful to know what his response is.

FizzyGreenWater's message is a really good one. Please send it to him and get him out of your life. Stay strong and don't allow him back into your life. He is potentially very dangerous. Good luck!