DP cant hold a job and he thinks i dont support him

[soconfused40]

Hello all. I wrote another post sometime ago regarding this but there is a new situation. DP of two years can not hold a job. He has changed 4 or 5 (i lost count by now) in the last 6 months . It is always their fault , they are always try to make him leave because they are jealous of him or worried about their jobs because he is so good, there is always a bad supervisor that will bully him etc. After the first 2-3 jobs i realized that there is a pattern, it can not all be that bad or that jealous of him so there must be a different reason Despite all that i am always supportive to him and i never raised my concerns.
Lately when he complains about his latest job i am trying to show him another perspective. For example when he says that the supervisor bullies him i am saying that what he describes its within the "normal" , he isnt there to be friends. Or when they installed a system at to ensure that all employees do their job i said that its not that bad they are just trying to ensure that people do what they are paid for.
Apparently that means that "i can not support him", " i always support his enemies", " always taking the side of people who dont like him", "he wants a wife that he can talk to and he doesnt want to tell em things because i dont support him". When i remind him that i supported him every time and i just try to give him different perspective he just carries on, he isnt interested to listen the explanation
I am confused as i dont understand why he would think that. Also i am afraid that he really believes that they are all against him and jealous and thats why he is losing the jobs. We dont live together at the moment and i never supported him financially. But we are planning to get married and then his actions will affect our both lives. Any perspectives, opinions appreciated

Actual experience from my mother's life.

Chivvied dad to go and play a sport he liked with 8 year old brother.

Dad back in after 15 minutes. Sad looking db trailing after him. 'Well, i can't really play with him, he's not very good'. Like it was my brother's job to make the experience enjoyable FOR HIS DAD. Total inability to understand what being a dad was about.

I'm sorry but he sounds like he has some kind of personality disorder or is completely work shy and unreasonable.
Does he use drugs? He sounds paranoid.
I remember your last thread. Advice remains the same. Separate. Count yourself lucky.

Why are you with him? He sounds joyless, penniless, irresponsible and hard work. One of those is enough to put most people off, but all four?

NellieFiveBellies and ImperialBlether have said it better than i could.

He won't change.

He will get worse.

Just because you've been together for 2 years doesn't mean you have to spend the rest of your life with him.

Don't know why you're confused... Just dump the loser!

He has a personality disorder. Not his fault, but not your problem either. Except that it will be become your problem if you marry him. He will make your life a misery. Leave.

I remember your last thread and wondered if you could have hooked up with my ex. Once his feet were under the table he just stopped bothering to look for work because he knew I cared enough about making sure the rent was paid. He lost more jobs during our relationship than I had had in my entire life. Well he didnt lose them but he tended to storm out of them because they didnt repsct him enough. Ended up pissing all the money and more up the wall and driving me literally mental
no good when it came to having a child either (yes, I know, I was an idiot, but she is a lovely child)
I suffered 8 years of that shit. even when I set him up in his own business he couldnt keep staff and eventually just didnt bother opening up half the time. Lazy and entitled. Thought life owed him some sort of grandiose living but didnt want to work for it - thought he should move straight to directors level and spend the time schmoozing and having business lunches.

What a relief you don't live together, aren't financially bound to him and have kids!

Yep, ^ THAT!!!

Why are you still with this person OP? Genuinely, please ask yourself this as you are about to either shit or bust unless you a: understand why the fuck you have/you are taking this shit; b: then split.

This 'man' does not love you - Christ on a bike, he doesn't even listen to you.

oh yes and mine has a personality disorder too. unaddressed ASD most probably, but as he is never at fault, he cant see any of his behaviour as wrong, so would never get any help.
Personality disorders are not undealable with, but it takes YEARS AND YEARS and they need both the insight and the incentive to do the hard bloody work. Doesnt sound like your bloke has either

I'm also wondering what advice you are expecting, that will be different from your previous thread.

You received a pretty unanimous 'leave' verdict, so why haven't you? If the situation bothers you and yet he hasn't changed, then why are you still planning to marry him? And FGS please don't tell us that he's a nice guy and that he loves you - because if he was truly a nice guy and loved you, then he'd bring a regular wage in and not criticise you for failing to subscribe to his one-man fan club despite the fact that he can't hold on to a job.

If you insist on staying with him then you are setting yourself up for YEARS of misery.

The definition of madness op

Asking the same question over and over and over again, expecting a different answer

I already said last time, you can see your future from here, your just refusing to believe it

Have you heard of the Karpman Drama Triangle? There are 3 positions; Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. Get off the merry go round. It cant be fixed and it never ends well.

www.google.co.uk/search?q=Karpman+Drama+Triangle&oq=Karpman+Drama+Triangle&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.753j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#q=the+drama+triangle+and+how+to+escape+it

Thank you all for the replies. Some of you asking what i am expecting as an answer different than the previous time . I wasnt expecting anything different, i guess its more like i am trying to find some support and confirmation that i make the right decision and that i am not at fault somehow. Been with a man that constantly blames you for everything messes with your head and you end up questioning your common sense. Thank you again for the replies , you are right i have to find the strength to leave him and it helps to see that i am right in that decision

ETA, I think we have the same friend or at least her doppelgänger

Seriously OP, I can only second what everyone else has said. Can't tell you how draining it is just to have a friend like this let alone a live-in partner/husband. Don't do it unless you want to spend your life worrying about money.

Oh lovey, he really has done a number on your head hasn't he.

He is one of life's victims, nothing is ever his fault, everyone is against him etc etc. He won't change.

Don't marry him - you will end up supporting him and he will drag you down into his whinging moaning worldview and he will make you utterly, utterly miserable.

Its not your fault.

I too remember your last thread. The bloke's an arrogant dickhead who's never wrong - why would you want to marry him? You'd be nuts to, but I suspect you'll go ahead.

I've just read the op only.

Your partner sounds like he needs to grow the fuck up. I don't think he'll listen to you saying that. I suspect he's too whiny and defensive to listen to anyone. He needs to take ownership.

Show him this: m.youtube.com/watch?v=ljqra3BcqWM

Then tell him to grow a set like jocko.

Or pack your bags and leave the looser. Your choice, sweetheart.

Good luck OP.

In a really weird, upside-down way you are in a win-win situation; if you leave him he will blame you on all his misfortunes and if you stay he will blame you on all his misfortunes. What I mean is, leaving him will not be an unkind thing to do to him because it will make no difference to the quality of his life.

It will mean everything to the quality of your life, however.

There's not much to leave if you don't live together. You could do it by text.

Please don't marry him. This will not change. He sounds paranoid and incapable of normal social/work interactions.

You should only marry him if you are prepared to support him financially for the rest of his life, take most responsibility for any children you may have, be prepared for his paranoia to spill over into social interactions so you will lose most of your friends and he will fall out with your family for disrespecting him, and probably the neighbours for spying on him etc.

What on earth does he do/bring that is worth that?

No wedding, no babies.. you'll be ready to ditch him eventually. Have your fun but NO GROWN UP STUFF with this one. You'll regret it.

No wedding, no babies.. Yes, and also please don't move in together.

What everyone else said. Does he have a mother who treated/ treats him like a little prince who can do no wrong and always makes excuses for him? Or, as other people have said, personality issues?

OP has he ever had any counselling of any kind for his behaviour? I'd be seriously talking to him about his childhood achievements and how he found school.
Is he permanently distracted and coming up with new udeas? Is he perhaps fun and impulsive to live with - perhaps more at the start of your relationship?

Changing jobs that often isn't normal. Does he have any long term friends?

And then, please, look up adult ADHD.