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Original poster

AIBU: husband is pissed off about me not drinking at his work function

125 replies

revolution909 · 19/06/2017 08:35

Last night there was a huge drama because I decided not have a drunk when it was an open bar.. I think the reasons why are irrelevant - I had a lot to drink the previous night, this week we're going out more than once so I was trying to "calorie count for the week- Now out of spite he's not going to drink at my birthday party teach me a lesson, and because he wants to" calorie count". Even though he has apologised I still. Feel sad about the whole ordeal. I don't think I needed to have a drink to have a nice time (which I did) but he just wouldn't believe me. BTW I'm usually the one that sometimes has a few too. Many drink and he has to look after me (this has only happened about three times but that's the joke). I don't know I just feel sad and makes me want to cancel my party :(

OP posts:
AguacateMaduro · 19/06/2017 08:37

Omg, I'd tell him to stay at home. Not for not drinking but for telling you what to do.

Rioja123 · 19/06/2017 08:38

He sounds like a controlling arse.

RJnomore1 · 19/06/2017 08:38

He's acted badly but I'd say it depends why you had a lot to drink the night before. I'd be a bit marked if dh refused to drink on a night out with me when I was looking forward to letting my hair down with him because he was too busy drinking with his mates the rest of the week.

I would most definitely not threaten to ruin something of his in revenge though.

Jengnr · 19/06/2017 08:38

How would him not drinking at your party teach you a lesson? It's not going to make any difference to you is it?

It's weird thing for him to get upset about though. Why's he being such a bell?

YoureNotASausage · 19/06/2017 08:39

Sorry OP but how do people find such shitheads to be their partner? A decent guy doesn't suddenly act so disrespectfully to their partner. I wouldnt be with someone who treated me like that.

Quartz2208 · 19/06/2017 08:39

Why does it matter, did he feel it was a waste of money he want to take care of you laugh at you

Thebookswereherfriends · 19/06/2017 08:39

Why does it matter if he doesn't drink at your party? Just say "fine, don't drink." It's a really strange thing for either of you to be bothered about. Does he think it seemed like you weren't enjoying yourself at his work do?

tribpot · 19/06/2017 08:40

Eh? You want to cancel your party because your DH is going to not drink? Or do you suspect he is going to sabotage the party in other ways to punish you for not drinking yesterday?

Hopefully you can see that this is a ludicrous and messed up dynamic. Your choice not to drink had literally no effect on him yesterday (and may have been helpful if, for example, it meant you were able to drive) but he decided to ruin your night because of it. Now he intends to ruin another night because of it as well, but hilariously in a way that involves him having to not drink (which sounds like it would be very beneficial).

Why is your reaction not "good idea, we should both try and regularly have nights out where we don't drink"? And leave him to it?

ijustwannadance · 19/06/2017 08:41

He seen his arse because you wouldn't get pissed? Seriously?

Does he usually tell you how to behave? Does he/you both have issues with alcohlol?

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/06/2017 08:41

@rjnomore that's more or less what he said. That I happily got drunk the night before with my friends (he's also friends with them but they're mostly mine iykwim). I just think him not drinking at all will make me feel all awkward and self conscious and probably I wouldn't drink too much

OP posts:
cakecakecheese · 19/06/2017 08:42

What a weird thing for him to get worked up over. Is he always like that?

Bluntness100 · 19/06/2017 08:42

I find this strange too. You're both upset by the exact same thing. You more so, you actually want to cancel your party as he won't drink? What's that all about? Why is it so important to both of you that the other drinks at social events?

Bluntness100 · 19/06/2017 08:43

I just think him not drinking at all will make me feel all awkward and self conscious and probably I wouldn't drink too much

What? He's your husband and you'd feel like this if he doesn't drink? Honestly that's so weird.

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/06/2017 08:45

@tripbot yes that's what I'm worried about. No I don't think we have a drinking problem, I drink 3 times a month, while he probably does it at least twice a week. He thought I was bored, I wasn't.

OP posts:
ChicRock · 19/06/2017 08:45

The best thing you both could do would be to lay off the booze completely as both of your attitudes to alcohol are really fucked up.

OddBoots · 19/06/2017 08:46

I know many couples where one doesn't drink at all or they each have different times when they drink for a range of practical and personal reasons. Why does it matter to either of you if the other doesn't drink?

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/06/2017 08:47

Well also I think not drinking "just to teach me a lesson" on my birthday is a very asshole thing to do. There I said. You don't try to get even at your OHs party (or ever for that matter)

OP posts:
EyeDrops · 19/06/2017 08:48

I just think him not drinking at all will make me feel all awkward and self conscious and probably I wouldn't drink too much

If that's how you feel... then YABU to complain that your DH felt the same way at his office party! No excuse for him to be an arse about it, but then it would be just as wrong for you to make yourself miserable by cancelling your birthday party? What a weird issue.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/06/2017 08:49

I think this might be the first thread on MN where a couple are arguing about the other one NOT drinking! Confused

ShelaghTurner · 19/06/2017 08:51

I really don't understand this. Drink if you want to or don't drink if you don't want to. How the hell does whether someone else drinks or not have an effect on your enjoyment of something? It's pathetic. I mostly don't drink, just don't like the taste of most alcoholic drinks. But I couldn't give a toss if everyone else does, unless they're the driver! It's such a childish thing to get the hump over.

Loopytiles · 19/06/2017 08:51

You both have weird attitudes about alcohol IMO.

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/06/2017 08:52

Maybe I phrased it wrong. I'm fine if he decides not to drink as long as it came from his own heart (and not to try to teach me a lesson / get even).

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 19/06/2017 08:52

Why would you be self conscious getting drunk around him when he is sober?

Loopytiles · 19/06/2017 08:53

Yes, him saying that was disrespectful and stupid. Childish.

Candlefairy101 · 19/06/2017 08:53

By the sounds of it you two are each other's drinking partners, otherwise you wouldn't be upset that he doesn't want to drink at your party and visa versa.

Did you drink the night before his work do because you already had plans or did you go out on a whim, have a hangover and then not want to be his drinking buddy at his do?

My DH and I don't like drinking unless the other person is, we would either both not drink or both drink it doesn't really matter because you can still have a good time but you do like tonne in the same wave length as the person you go with.

If I was you DH I would be angry that you had a drink the night before and let that affect his night.