Nasty argument with DH, feeling broken. Possible TMI.

[thezookeeper]

This might be TMI so please excuse me if I give too much detail, but I don't have anyone to talk to IRL.

On Friday DH were fooling around and he suddenly said to me to go have a bath first and then put his fingers to my nose to prove his point. I was very embarrassed, the look on his face was pure disgust. I washed up and came back but by now I felt utterly deflated and humiliated. I wasn't in the mood anymore. He could see this and pulled a strand of my hair (I'm guessing to lighten the mood and carry on) and then suggested I went down on him. I declined and raised my voice about the hair pulling. DH then flew into a rage about me ruining the morning. After leaving the shower and before going to work he was still ranting and raving about how this was a terrible way to start the day. Then it moved on to the real reason he was so pissed off - that we hadn't had sex now for 2 days. He proceeded to tell me that he was sick and tired of always being horny and that if I didn't satisfy him then he would find others who would and ' just wait and see, I'll show you'.

We have argued regularly about sex and that we don't do it enough. I would say we do it minimum of 4-5 times a week. He often rages about cheating, he has once or twice tried to convince me to have an open relationship to take the pressure off me.

I feel like this time something inside me has broken. I think the humiliation and the way he told me I had a 'problem' has pushed me over the edge. I feel like he could have been more sensitive in how he told me to wash. My self confidence has hit rock bottom and I feel disgusted with myself. I have always been paranoid about how I smell down there but obviously I must have neglected myself recently.

Today we had a heated discussion and he was explaining how hard it is for him to watch women walking in their summer clothes and smelling nice while I say no to him.

In order not to drip feed, I am seriously ill awaiting a procedure that might give me a few more years. The doctors have given me 5yrs maximum as I am right now. There is no guarantee that I will get the procedure in time to help me. I don't always want to have sex, but I do it to try and be fair to him. We have 8yr old DS.

I would appreciate some independent opinions about who is in the wrong and whether I should try to make things up to keep the peace. Right now I feel like I don't want to be anywhere near him.

You deserve so much more. Your DS will be ok, he has you and you can talk it through and support him.

FIrst ever LTB
You poor poor soul.
You shouldn't let your DS growing up thinking this is an acceptable way to treat women.

Cherish the time you have left with your son - don't let that bastard get in the way of your chance to provide your son with years of happy memories spent with his mum.

The only disgusting cunt you should be concerned about is him.

Have my first ever LTB.
He's utterly foul and you deserve so much more

My first LTB.

This is YOUR life. You can make LOTS of truly happy memories with your DS. Not one of them will be truly that if you stay with him. If you stay, your DS will realise when he's older that you lived unhappily for him. That's a terrible burden to place on him.

Model for your DS that our happiness is in our own hands. That's an amazing legacy to give him.

And OP, I'm sorry he's such a sh*t and you're in this situation. It's not your making and you don't deserve to be treated this way.

reading this has left me feeling bereft and traumatised for you OP...

you are worthy of being more than a sex slave to a man who suggests an open relationship to accommodate HIS needs above yours..

please seek help...

putting aside the symptoms of your illness.. many women suffer Bacterial Vaginosis.. if YOU feel you have a slight odour... this may be the cause.. it's a simple hormonal imbalance in your lady bits.. and easily corrected with something like Balance Active Gel from any chemist my lovely.... take good care x

Tell him to leave.
When your DS is older and has an adult's understanding of relationships you don't want him to feel intense guilt for being the reason that you spent your precious years in an abusive relationship.

Leave. You deserve so much better.

I'm living with a serious (although not terminal) illness. Sex is off the cards more often than not, but because my husband loves me and has my best interests at heart, that's ok. This is how a normal man behaves faced with an ill partner.

Your husband is not a normal person. He is horrible. I realise leaving when you are so sick is not an easy option, but you need to at least limit the damage he can do to you and your little boy. As others have said, you need his memories to be happy ones.

Your thread is one of the most upsetting things I have read on here. I hope you have the strength to overcome this and find the love and help you deserve.

My first ever LTB. Horrid horrid man

You poor thing.

I don't if some of the trashier newspapers trawl Mumsnet for stories (don't want to mention specific names in case they somehow pick up on it) but if they do it may be an idea to remove this thread op.

Last thing you need is one of those bastards putting this out there.

This thread is heartbreaking, it's brought tears to my eyes.😢
Vile, doesn't even begin to cut it !
Lovely, for your young Son, to ask you not to divorce, means he must be aware of the unpleasant atmosphere at home. You are the adult, leave this excuse of a man, your son will bounce back. You may indeed prolong your life, by living in a stress free environment. You can make many calm and happy memories with your son, in peace.
Please speak out, and consider your options, obviously, your son will still spend time with his father, but you don't need to.
You don't ever need to have sex with him again, ever. Disregard the bullying hygiene comments that he made, he wanted to bring you down, in order to control you.
I'm so very sorry that you are enduring this.💐

Like many other pp's this is also my first LTB. You deserve to live the rest of your life without this stress and hopefully with people around you who actually care. I also agree that your ds will cope better than you think. If you can't actually leave right now for whatever reason then maybe consider ending the relationship but still living together in separate rooms in order to provide some stability for your ds - but much better for him and you if you can leave altogether.

He is a shit!

My lovely cousin chucked out her bike DH. She too has a life limiting illness. It has transformed her and her positive outlook has helped her health enormously. Good luck.

bike DH?

Vile DH. Oops!

You want to make nice memories with you and your son without that prick around. Please gather your strength, ltb. You will do more harm to your son by staying with this lowlife.

Jesus christ what a vile man. It doesnt sound like he cares about you at all, he just wants a sex doll. He has no respect for you, humiliates you and threatens to cheat, I don't know how you could ever bare to have sex with him again. Please dont waste another minute of your life on this bastard.

Your DS is scared - because he only knows Mum & Dad together, and kids are not good at projecting into the unknown.

He can't know that everyone could be happier apart. It's really sad he thinks you can't "make memories" without his father. Please show him that's possible and give him the tools he needs for a happy future.

If you can, please take steps to find out your options for leaving. I hope you have RL support.

OP - if you are having to have sex without wanting to, that is coercion. I reckon you are being raped on a regular basis,

Get out now, and enjoy your life. Let him see how much sex he has (without paying for it ) when you've kicked him to the kerb. He won't be getting 4-5 times a week without you, that's for sure.

And the correct response to him going off the idea (of sex, after sniffing his fingers ) and him suggesting you go down on him - is 'You have a bath. I'll see how I feel when you smell better.'

Then leave.

Bastard.

FUCK HIM OFF

Your ds sounds scared already. Children certainly pick up on tension and unhappiness and it doesn't make them happier.

My first LTB too.
Given the circumstances I think he is one of the worst men I've read about on here.
Leave the evil fucker and enjoy what time you have left to make lovely memories with your son.

This reminds me of another posters H. She was called GettingBigger or something similar and her husband was absolutely vile. With help from posters she got away. Last I heard she and her dcs were doing okay.

OP, do you want out? If so, you only need to say and you'll have tonnes of posters giving you practical advice to make it happen.

Oh OP I am honestly heartbroken for you! You do realise that your partner is abusive don't you? This is sexual and emotional abuse! Unfortunately it is also common for women in a situation where she is unwell/ relies on care from her partner to be subject to domestic abuse in various forms. You are in a vulnerable position, with a likelihood of deteriorating health. Unfortunately that will be the perfect opportunity for your partner to escalate his abuse. Please contact Woman's Aid before things get any worse!

Your partner is treating you with so much disgust and disdain! He is evil to behave the way he is! Next time he accuses you of smelling, let him know that the only smell on you is the stench he left behind when he last forced you to have sex!
Ignore my comment if it will result in you receiving abuse though!

Do you have siblings? Living parents? God Parents for your ds? Very close friends? Your partner is already telling you that he won't cope in looking after your ds in the event that the worst happens. He seems to be incredibly angry with you and is lashing out to punish you for putting 'him' in this situation. Your little boy is going to need so much love, support and stability to get him through your illness, possible declining health and possible death. (I really hope and pray that this is worst case scenario and that you will live to see your little boy grow up.) You need to look at people in your life who can be that stable, loving support should you pass. You also need to be open with your family/ friends as to how abusive your partner is being. If you were my daughter/ sister/ friend/ niece, I would want desperately to have you and your son with me, helping you enjoy the time you have left in a safe and loving environment! Let your partner go off and have his fill of whatever he thinks he will get. I'm willing to bet that not many women would put up with his disgusting attitude towards women and his abuse!

I'm also heartbroken for you. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve so so much better. Good luck op.