Nasty argument with DH, feeling broken. Possible TMI.

[thezookeeper]

This might be TMI so please excuse me if I give too much detail, but I don't have anyone to talk to IRL.

On Friday DH were fooling around and he suddenly said to me to go have a bath first and then put his fingers to my nose to prove his point. I was very embarrassed, the look on his face was pure disgust. I washed up and came back but by now I felt utterly deflated and humiliated. I wasn't in the mood anymore. He could see this and pulled a strand of my hair (I'm guessing to lighten the mood and carry on) and then suggested I went down on him. I declined and raised my voice about the hair pulling. DH then flew into a rage about me ruining the morning. After leaving the shower and before going to work he was still ranting and raving about how this was a terrible way to start the day. Then it moved on to the real reason he was so pissed off - that we hadn't had sex now for 2 days. He proceeded to tell me that he was sick and tired of always being horny and that if I didn't satisfy him then he would find others who would and ' just wait and see, I'll show you'.

We have argued regularly about sex and that we don't do it enough. I would say we do it minimum of 4-5 times a week. He often rages about cheating, he has once or twice tried to convince me to have an open relationship to take the pressure off me.

I feel like this time something inside me has broken. I think the humiliation and the way he told me I had a 'problem' has pushed me over the edge. I feel like he could have been more sensitive in how he told me to wash. My self confidence has hit rock bottom and I feel disgusted with myself. I have always been paranoid about how I smell down there but obviously I must have neglected myself recently.

Today we had a heated discussion and he was explaining how hard it is for him to watch women walking in their summer clothes and smelling nice while I say no to him.

In order not to drip feed, I am seriously ill awaiting a procedure that might give me a few more years. The doctors have given me 5yrs maximum as I am right now. There is no guarantee that I will get the procedure in time to help me. I don't always want to have sex, but I do it to try and be fair to him. We have 8yr old DS.

I would appreciate some independent opinions about who is in the wrong and whether I should try to make things up to keep the peace. Right now I feel like I don't want to be anywhere near him.

Oh my god he is nasty, if your on borrowed time, please enjoy the last years of your life without him. life is too short to spend it with an abusive prick, he has humiliated you and makes you feel worthless. Not what a loving and caring husband or partner does.

Did you even need to wash really, or was he just trying to be a vicious cunt? If sex was his priority he wouldn't have said something so instantly libido deflating.

It's quite possible you can have more quality time with your DS if you are away from the constant stress your unbelievable tosser of a husband is putting you under. Sorry to say it, but how sick will you have to be for him to stop bleating about his needs?

You are seriously ill, and all he thinks about is himself and his needs, nothing about you. Seriously loose 12 stone of this nasty abusive prick.

Mum left dad when I was 7 ish - BEST thing she ever did and I'm grateful that she had the courage and strength to make us free

Your DS doesn't know how miserable you are together -

Leave him

He is utterly vile.

Please leave him and enjoy the time you have left with your son who will get over you separating.

Eight is old enough for him to have some understanding.

Especially if you end up happier and stronger away from him. Your DS will see that.

As for the shitprick - he breaks down at the thought of your illness, but can treat you like that? REALLY? Self-indulgent, emotionally dishonest piece of trash.

Leave the fucker and tell him to cry to the mirror.

Make real memories, not fake ones.

Good luck with your illness. I for one hope you leave, have your treatment and end up with MANY more happy years.

Its not you its him, he should be respecting you and your son. Please make the most of your son and find a way out, people on here are fantastic for support and advice. Your thread has really struck me, you deserve to be cherished and you time needs to be without a person who is so selfish and hideous, no one should suffer this.

He is hideous. Please don't waste the time you have left placating this selfish bully.

OP seriously, the next time he threatens you with "I'll find someone else, just you wait and see" tell him to go the fuck ahead. He sounds like an awful person and is probably aware deep down that he won't be able to find anyone else who will put up with his attitude.
Even more so with you mentioning your illness. You need to take your DS, and he will bounce back just fine, go make new memories. Go on holiday if you can, or at least days out. The park, the cinema. Take long baths just because you want to, read, watch your favourite trashy TV, whatever you like but please god do it without that man involved. You and your son will be much happier for it, just power on through the initial "breakup" feeling. You deserve so much more

Your DS has heard you and your husband arguing. What kind of memories do you think he's making? Don't make your time unhappy just to keep the family together. Your DS will be happier if you are.

I've never said LTB before, but there's a first time for everything. What a horrible, nasty sex addicted asshole. Get rid.

Op the best thing you can do for your son is to leave him, and make happy memories for him. This prick is setting the worse example for him, and you don't want his final memories of you watching you being abused by this nasty man, and living in a strained and unhappy household.

I hate to be so blunt, but you need to realize that the only 'memories' you are creating for your DS are bad ones. He's hearing arguments, he's seeing your terribly sad face, and he's picking up the horrible 'vibes' from you both.

Better to create happy memories with both of his parents separately.

If I knew I was facing a life limiting illness, I would not want to waste a precious second of my and my son's time together with any negativity in our lives.

Leave. Your son will adjust. With love and support from you and the people in his world, he will be fine.

BTW, your H is a bastard cunt. And IMO he's either already cheating or looking for a 'good' reason to do so. Frankly I'd probably tell him to go ahead and find a fuck buddy if it meant that I'd never have to share a bed with such a vicious prick again.

OP

What is life like outside of the home?
Do you have a network of friends?
Does your DS have friends too?
Are your parents close/still around?

I only ask as leaning on those around you should you opt to terminate the marriage will make the whole thing less scary, I promise.

Absolutely what everyone else has said. he is revolting and does not deserve you. Please leave now - friend or parent to turn to? Good luck with your health procedure [flower]. he is vile

Of course ds wants his status quo, all kids do, mostly because they don't like change and don't know what anything else would look like. It's why children shouldn't have to have the responsibility of a say in big decisions like a separation or divorce. My parents divorced, I hated it, I was furious with them for a month or so, but life on the other side of that upheaval and change was much better for all of us.

If staying isn't the best thing for you, how can it be the best thing for him ? A happy, relaxed mum plays a huge part in any child's happiness.

What an absolute bastard.

Oh OP this is just awful. Nobody deserves to be belittled like this. I suspect your H knows that your DS wouldn't want his mummy and daddy to split up and also knows you'd never want to cause your son any pain.
But growing up and seeing his mum slowly become a shadow of her former self will cause him even more pain.
As well, if DS sees H humiliate you, that might set a bad example for him about what is an acceptable way to treat you/women in general.
This warrants my first ever LTB too. Sorry

This man is a monster from hell.
He is abusive and I am the last to call LTB usually.
LTB.

it is just part of my life that I have accepted until now.

You have been socialised to accept his horrible behaviour.
This is NOT normal.
it is NOT right.
It is NOT the norm.

Think of what you are modelling for your DS in terms of what a relationship is like. 'We cannot make new memories' - yes, he can: with mummy and with daddy, just not with them both at the same time.
Get him out of this noxious environment.

He's hardly cherishing you in your last years, is he? Kick him out. You really will be better off without him.

What he did to you in bed was fully intended to hurt and humiliate you. This is not the kind of "man" you need to be shackled to. He's fucking vile.

That he makes demand on you which you feel you must co-operate with, and that he's already suggested that he has an open relationship, not that you do as well, tells you everything you need to to know about how he values his sex-life over your well-being.

Think ahead. Think about what this sort of animal would be as a lone-parent if the very worst happened to you. He can't be kind and decent you now, so how could he be kind and decent to your child? This is not the sort of man I'd leave in sole-charge of a bloody plant!

Get out. Get out now while you can.

You don't need this toxic man in your life, however long that happens to be. Get some advice from a solicitor or Women's Air, Citizen's Advice, wherever. Can you kick him out? Get the locks changed. You have an illness and a child to look after. It should n't be you leaving the family home. It should be him. Hope your prognosis is better than suggested.

You've already had fab advice I just wanted to say I'm sorry

He sounds like a like knobhead, you deserve happiness.

You know how in films, when someone is given a terminal diagnosis and decides what to do with the short time left on earth? No one ever says "I really want to feel worthless for the rest of my life."

It doesn't matter what your husband thinks or feels right now. Kick him out and "make memories" with your son.