Nasty argument with DH, feeling broken. Possible TMI.

[thezookeeper]

This might be TMI so please excuse me if I give too much detail, but I don't have anyone to talk to IRL.

On Friday DH were fooling around and he suddenly said to me to go have a bath first and then put his fingers to my nose to prove his point. I was very embarrassed, the look on his face was pure disgust. I washed up and came back but by now I felt utterly deflated and humiliated. I wasn't in the mood anymore. He could see this and pulled a strand of my hair (I'm guessing to lighten the mood and carry on) and then suggested I went down on him. I declined and raised my voice about the hair pulling. DH then flew into a rage about me ruining the morning. After leaving the shower and before going to work he was still ranting and raving about how this was a terrible way to start the day. Then it moved on to the real reason he was so pissed off - that we hadn't had sex now for 2 days. He proceeded to tell me that he was sick and tired of always being horny and that if I didn't satisfy him then he would find others who would and ' just wait and see, I'll show you'.

We have argued regularly about sex and that we don't do it enough. I would say we do it minimum of 4-5 times a week. He often rages about cheating, he has once or twice tried to convince me to have an open relationship to take the pressure off me.

I feel like this time something inside me has broken. I think the humiliation and the way he told me I had a 'problem' has pushed me over the edge. I feel like he could have been more sensitive in how he told me to wash. My self confidence has hit rock bottom and I feel disgusted with myself. I have always been paranoid about how I smell down there but obviously I must have neglected myself recently.

Today we had a heated discussion and he was explaining how hard it is for him to watch women walking in their summer clothes and smelling nice while I say no to him.

In order not to drip feed, I am seriously ill awaiting a procedure that might give me a few more years. The doctors have given me 5yrs maximum as I am right now. There is no guarantee that I will get the procedure in time to help me. I don't always want to have sex, but I do it to try and be fair to him. We have 8yr old DS.

I would appreciate some independent opinions about who is in the wrong and whether I should try to make things up to keep the peace. Right now I feel like I don't want to be anywhere near him.

I think you might live a lot longer, and certainly be a lot happier, if you get him out of your life.

I'm so sorry you have this illness. I hope you get the procedure soon. I hope they find a cure.

Gather all your resources and get away...

My first ever time saying please leave. You deserve better.

I hardly ever post, but i just wanted to chime in and reiterate other posters. Please leave him. Don't think too much,
just do it, and soon.

Wow, he sounds horrible. I wouldn't want him as an acquaintance, let alone a husband.

Please, please do not waste a single minute more with this selfish twat x

He is EVIL. Get away from him and enjoy the years you have left.

After babies it was months without sex, no drama from partner at all
HE is a smelly cunt
That's abusive
Everyone's bits are sweaty
Leave

I'm sorry you don't have anyone to talk to irl. If you did, they'd tell you that you are not in the wrong. Quite apart from everything else you've said, 4 times a week is more than plenty.

He's disgusting. I know it's hard, I know you feel like you are going to need his support in the years to come, but the thing is -- you aren't going to get it! I feel like you may be putting up with this because you think anyone is better than no-one and it's better for DS to live with both parents given the health issues that may be coming down the line.

But it isn't.

You cannot spend the last five years of your life on this earth with someone who treats you like this. Your precious, precious life can't be spent with an abusive sex-pest my love, it just can't.

And I bet my bottom dollar that when the crunch comes, he'll fuck off anyway. Please don't waste any more time on him. He's vile.

Good god OP, what a nasty little cunt you're married to. It's scary to leave someone but I really think you must, if you only have a few years left you need to make them happy ones xx

Oh my god I agree with the others. Leave him. Your life is precious and your time is limited. Make your years happy

He's an abusive bastard. The odds are that you didn't smell offensive (it's just a way of belittling and humiliating you, and making you feel small and dirty). If you actually do smell different...then I'm afraid I would suspect that he'd already been cheating on you, and may have given you something. Might be worth a GUM check up. After you've kicked out the emotionally and sexually abusive bastard.

You are worth more than this. He is a scrote.

My DH has a higher sex drive than me and this has led to arguments in the past. But he is nasty. If he wants sex more often than you do, he has a hand.

I've never said this on Mumsnet before but he sounds dreadful and you would be better off without him. How dare he set out to humiliate you like that, I'm angry on your behalf

A mismatched sex drive can be a relationship problem, no denying that.
But that is NOT excuse for humiliating and hurting you, making sure that you internalise that his sexual wants (not needs - nobody 'needs sex) are YOUR responsibility and YOUR failure when not satisfied.

Your DH sounds an abusive entitled twat.
You can do better than that.

Yes, wondered about some sort of infection too - if you're washing regularly then it is unusual to smell "disgusting" down there. Except I bet you just smelt natural and normal.

And please run for the hills. What are the practicalities/finances?

I'm so sorry to read this OP. The previous replies are spot on, he is an abusive, nasty, controlling individual.

Please contact Women's Aid for some help in leaving him and getting your life back. No one has to live with this sort of monster.

"I don't always want sex but I do it to be fair to him"

^ this time last year I could have written that myself about my ex and father to my children. I'm now well rid of him and one major reasons was he is a sexual bully. It's the same reason when he raped me Many times over the years I stopped making a fuss. Got to a point where I convinced myself it was my own fault for not wanting to.

Please please please get away from this horrible revolting nasty bullying bastard OP you don't deserve to be treated this way no one does.

This is nothing to do with normal couples who have differing libidos.

He is PSYCHOTIC. He is an evil human being. Nobody should be treated the way he is treating you.

What everyone else said. Leave him. Who the fuck does he think he is?

Bloody hell, bloody hell.

Get this piece of shit out of your life.

Do you have family around you? Do you have support to end the relationship, especially given your health?

Tell him now that your sexual relationship is over and to knock himself out with all those other women. I'm sure they'll be queing up... I can tell you something, no man who can come out with what you had to put up with this morning is ever, ever going to manage to hide that kind of woman-hating personality for long enough to form any other decent relationship. Bleurgh.

Sorry, your partner was nasty, not my DH (although he has his moments!)

He is a nasty, vicious bastard. I know it will be hard but leave him, right now. Give your kids a few years seeing their mummy happy and living a good life. Give them so good memories and find a way to keep them away from their abusive prick of a dad should the worst happen. No way would I want such a nasty piece of work raising my kids!