Nasty argument with DH, feeling broken. Possible TMI.

[thezookeeper]

This might be TMI so please excuse me if I give too much detail, but I don't have anyone to talk to IRL.

On Friday DH were fooling around and he suddenly said to me to go have a bath first and then put his fingers to my nose to prove his point. I was very embarrassed, the look on his face was pure disgust. I washed up and came back but by now I felt utterly deflated and humiliated. I wasn't in the mood anymore. He could see this and pulled a strand of my hair (I'm guessing to lighten the mood and carry on) and then suggested I went down on him. I declined and raised my voice about the hair pulling. DH then flew into a rage about me ruining the morning. After leaving the shower and before going to work he was still ranting and raving about how this was a terrible way to start the day. Then it moved on to the real reason he was so pissed off - that we hadn't had sex now for 2 days. He proceeded to tell me that he was sick and tired of always being horny and that if I didn't satisfy him then he would find others who would and ' just wait and see, I'll show you'.

We have argued regularly about sex and that we don't do it enough. I would say we do it minimum of 4-5 times a week. He often rages about cheating, he has once or twice tried to convince me to have an open relationship to take the pressure off me.

I feel like this time something inside me has broken. I think the humiliation and the way he told me I had a 'problem' has pushed me over the edge. I feel like he could have been more sensitive in how he told me to wash. My self confidence has hit rock bottom and I feel disgusted with myself. I have always been paranoid about how I smell down there but obviously I must have neglected myself recently.

Today we had a heated discussion and he was explaining how hard it is for him to watch women walking in their summer clothes and smelling nice while I say no to him.

In order not to drip feed, I am seriously ill awaiting a procedure that might give me a few more years. The doctors have given me 5yrs maximum as I am right now. There is no guarantee that I will get the procedure in time to help me. I don't always want to have sex, but I do it to try and be fair to him. We have 8yr old DS.

I would appreciate some independent opinions about who is in the wrong and whether I should try to make things up to keep the peace. Right now I feel like I don't want to be anywhere near him.

So sad reading this, it's dreadful, poor you. This is not normal and the way you are feeling is utterly natural - you are being ABUSED.

Get yourself and your son as far away from him as you can ASAP. Disgusting human being.

OP I'm not saying it's going to be easy but 100% LTB immediately if there is a chance you may only have 5 years left to live (and I hope you have the procedure and have many more btw) you absolutely owe it to yourself and your child to make them the best 5 years of your life filled with love, fun, laughter and adventures.

Don't let this turd bring you down or insult you like this.

Erm, he's not "psychotic" rolo. Please don't throw around words you don't understand.

He is a horrible, manipulative bastard though.

2 days???? You already have sex 4-5 times a WEEK???? And he's after more? Jesus wept. He obviously doesn't give a damn about your feelings or needs, it's all about him, and his sex pest god awful attitude.

Urgh!!! He's abusive, obviously. Also completely self absorbed and doesn't give a damn about you. As a PP said, he should be cherishing and nurturing you to make your life as content as possible instead he's demanding, humiliating and sexually abusing you.

Please dump his pathetic bullying arse and enjoy your life free from his hideousness.

Many couples I know have gone through stages of little or no sex due to babies, stress, illness, etc and their partners response has been to patient, affectionate in other ways and do what they can to help the one having a difficult time. He's the complete opposite. He's a bawbag of the lowest type and you do NOT need to put up with this shite!

Unwashed human bodies smell. It's universal, however there are ways of communicating to an intimate partner that they need a wash that are kind and sensitive.

You're terminally ill op and you're having sex with your partner 4-5 times a week and he abuses you because it's not more?!

If five years is all you have op, then you deserve for them to be without this kind of horrific treatment.

He might be the worst person I've read about on here.

Fucking hell.

If you have a life-limiting illness I see how you might feel you are stuck in this relationship. But your "partner" sounds horrific - truly horrific.

Do you have RL support? Can you get some, if not? Women's Aus, counselling services via GP or a charity related to your illness? I feel you need real help on the ground - you are being treated appallingly, but you seem to see it as almost normal.

He's pressuring you into sex don't give in or feel guilty that you don't want to. I made a mistake with a previous partner I didn't want to but he'd made me feel terrible so I had to just lay there and let him do it otherwise I'd get a mouthful of horrible words or pushed around! I obviously let him as I knew I deserved better and will be treated better and I did I met someone had a baby and he's the nicest man I have ever met.

Don't let some stupid boy make you feel like that. Shock him and tell him to go then tell him be strong tell him ok if you want it go get it but don't expect to come back in the door or even come back! Change your locks in your door etc if he wants to treat you like dirt do the same! He will then freak out!

Could you manage independently, OP? Because if you can, I too would suggest that you leave. This is toxic to your health and wellbeing in every sense.

If you cannot physically manage without his support in other ways, then this obviously becomes more difficult.

Oh OP 💐 I'm so sorry about your illness. I read your post with my jaw almost on the floor.

This man is abusing you. Please please don't put up with his disgusting behaviour for one more minute. If you need help leaving/kicking him out, do phone Womens Aid. This man is a monster and deserves no more of your precious time, your fear, or your body.

I feel.so incredibly incensed on your behalf op I really wish I had to opportunity to tell him for you. He sounds absolutely horrible. With my realistic head on I'm imagining your son is your primary concern in relation to tour illness and i also imagine it's easier to imagine leaving him in the future if his home life and father relationship can be a constant. That provides something of a mixed emotion. So, no LTB from me but I do think you should only have sex when YOU want to, even if that is never and that you should to all extent and purposes do your own thing and try and find some well deserved happiness

Yes he is a total prick and his behaviour is foul.

But I wonder if you leave him but you have a life limiting illness (5 years?) whether he would have a much greater chance of gaining full time residency of your DS. So please take some very careful advice before you do anything.

I always feel very sad reading posts on here from women who are with abusive partners. My DH can be the worlds biggest pain in the arse a lot of the time, but he's also gentle, kind, and would never in a million years speak to me like your DH speaks to you.
You say you have a life limiting condition.........so get the fuck away from him, at speed, and get out there and grab life by the horns. If he can treat you like this knowing you are ill, then god knows how he's going to react as things progess and your health worsens. Give yourself the chance to find someone who genuinely loves you....this man doesn't know the meaning of the word .

LTB. I am so sorry OP.

I hope to God this isn't true..what a dreadful dreadful man....how fucking dare he tell you to have a bath....I'm sorry you've not long to live.but pls pls pls don't waste another second of your life on that nasty inhuman bully of a man

You have sex around five times a week. You may have five years left. This will mean you'll need to shag this dickhead 1,300 times! Is that what you want?

Thank you everyone for replying. To be honest I am a bit shocked about the strength of the reaction but maybe that is part of the problem with me, it is just part of my life that I have accepted until now.

I have been thinking, if this was a friend saying all this I would tell her to run away. It is so hard for me to see how I can get out. DS is terrified of us divorcing because he has heard us arguing before and made me promise never to divorce his father because 'then we can't make memories together anymore'. He has so much to deal with that us splitting would really hit him hard.

Part of me thinks I need to stay if not just to provide a stable life for him while I am still around to do so. I would do anything for DS to lessen the stress already surrounding our little family.

To the previous poster who asked how DH feels about my diagnosis. He keeps breaking down if we discuss it, he says he doesn't know how to live without me or how he will bring up DS without me.

However, again a previous poster said I would probabaly live longer without DH, that is quite possible too. I accept that. But is it worth it to break DS's heart? I don't know.

He might be the worst person I've read about on here

Without a doubt.

I still can't believe what he did and said to the Op about washing. It's horrific.

However, again a previous poster said I would probabaly live longer without DH, that is quite possible too. I accept that. But is it worth it to break DS's heart? I don't know.

Your DS will bounce back, as flippant as that sounds. He will.

So please, please don't waste another precious minute on this waste of air.

Your son and you can make happier memories without your wanker of a husband.
You won't break your sons heart by leaving but your son could be heartbroken if he realises in years to come that you spent your last few years with a man who treated you like shit. If your son hears you argue he may be able to process that when he is older and realise this. He may even rightly guess you stayed for his sake. THAT would truly break his heart.
The only c**t that "stinks" in your relationship is your husband.

LTB

Op, your son is too young to understand the realities of life. Please leave this horror of a man and enjoy the 5 years your Drs have spoken off because one day your son will say I'm so glad my mum left him and enjoyed the rest of her life.

And all this business of your husband saying he can't be without you etc. The bastard is reeling you in with that so you remain his victim.

Please don't promise your son anything except the promise you and him will be happy alone.

Zoo, I think having a miserable mum would break hid heart more. You may not have long left, do you really want to spend those precious years trying to make some scummy cunt happy?

Darling woman. My mum died when I was 7. I was the youngest of 4. Without a doubt she stayed with our dad because she was dying. I wish she hadn't. They fought all the time. I grew up with a shitty idea of marriage. Married a shit even worse than my dad.

Don't stay for your son. Leave with him. Give him a brilliant idea of what women are like. Give you stbx a chance to practice being a parent alone.

And hopefully find a lovely man to be lovely with. Even if it's for a short while.

Does anyone else find it hard to breath after reading this thread? I feel as if I have a weight on my chest it's just so bloody awful and upsetting.