It's my birthday tomorrow and he's forgotten

[rainsbow]

I don't need a song and dance or presents or anything, but he's not even asked if I'd maybe like to go for lunch or something. Instead he's just banging on about the usual taxi service we have to provide the kids on a Saturday. I feel really despondent.

"Don't be a bloody martyr. I did that for years myself. It isn't he and the DC don't love you. It is possibly that you're so bloomin good at all the birthday stuff that they're used to your prompts. But yes, its annoying."

This ^^

OH is crap at remembering birthdays and asks me to remind him because he hates the passive aggressive hints and martyrdom that would happen if I didn't. He also isn't big on birthdays for himself. He wouldn't care if no-one bothered about his. He doesn't bother about Mothering Sunday, couldn't care less about father's day, and Valentine's day doesn't happen in our house.

I don't know why you can't just say "let's go out for my birthday" or something like that.

And happy birthday

Good for you, I hope you have an amazing day.

Right so he did get me a gift. An extravagant one so I feel like a bitch for saying this. He's booked a three night trip to Lisbon. I'm phobic of flying, he's well aware of this. I've even been on a BA course which didn't help. I never ever fly so why the hell has he done this??

Happy birthday OP! Hope you have a lovely 30th!

I'm sorry though there's no excuse for forgetting your partners birthday even more so when it's a 'big' one! I bet he doesn't forget his birthday

Posted too soon.

Well done him!!

Maybe he wants to take you both out your comfort zone away from the daily life? Go OP, you'll have a great time!

Seriously sparkling I won't set foot in an airport never mind a plane. Now I feel like a bitch for seeming ungrateful, I appreciate the gesture and am so thankful he didn't forget, but he knows there's not a hope in hell of me boarding a plane.

What a lovely gift.

Happy birthday op.

Talk to you gp and get a sedative to take for the flight. Show your kids how brave mummy is for facing her fears.
And happy 30th birthday

Valium! Lots of. And alcohol. You seriously won't care what's happening. I'm exactly the same as you and it's the only way I can board a plane.

Ps. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 🎉

perhps he is fed up of his life being restricted because of your phobia
i am sorry but i would find it very hard of my husband just said 'not a cat in hells chance of travel happening'

get some tranquilisers, do some meditation..put your big girl pants on and focus on how fab being in a new exciting city will be

I wonder when he booked the trip...
I'm sorry to be an old cynic,but did he just book it in a panic this morning?
If he's fully aware of your phobia he's being very naughty to say the least.
Happy birthday.

Tried Valium, tried fearless flying course, tried cbt, don't drink. I won't even go inside an airport.

What theroot said

Fear of flying, any phobia is no joke. Would you be up to trying again to push through the anxiety?

Anxiety UK info

Theres lots of advice and things to potentially try. Not all solutions will work for all people but likewise just because the one course didn't work for you, it doesn't mean another wouldn't. Medication in parallel with cognitive treatment can benefit some too (this has helped DH). At 40 I managed to get DH on a plane. Very nearly went with the three DC without him, didn't sleep or even close my eyes the night before because of his anxiety. Now he doesn't like the plane or airport bit but loves being abroad after so many years of not travelling he's the one saying where are we going next.

I'm so pleased that he remembered and the DC got you cards and little gifts. Have a lovely lunch and rest of birthday.

Happy birthday OP. I'm glad your husband didn't forget. I can definitely relate to having no friends. I shall be spending my birthday in a couple of days alone haha. I'm just grateful it's not a big birthday like yours. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Are you sure it's by plane? Could be by train/coach etc?

Happy birthday.

How is this a gift? Your terrified of flying!

Seems really insensitive to me.

This is just a really weird set up from what I can see. You clearly don't communicate- how on earth have you not mentioned it your birthday in the last few weeks? Especially a 30th birthday! Do you just not talk???
Your parents getting the dc to do the cards and gifts instead of dp - also weird! Unless this is a newish relationship and he's not their dad but that wouldn't explain why you are celebrating Father's Day for him. So I have to assume he is either dad or been in relationship long enough to be step dad as opposed to mums boyfriend. So why is he not doing the cards from dc?
Then getting up and going for a run without even wishing you happy birthday and buying you a gift he knows you will hate and can't use!
It's all just weird. It doesn't seem like a normal, communicating couple.

So talk to him. Ask him why he booked a trip that involves flying. Maybe he wants to support you in having another try at working through your phobia.

Or maybe he just fancies a holiday abroad for himself.

I'm always wary of gifts that benefit the giver just as much as the recipient. Why is that a present for you, when he'd be going too?

I agree. The set up seems odd. Why did your parents sort the presents from the children? Why didn't you talk about your 30th beforehand? Have you asked him why he bought a present you're too anxious to use?

You haven't ever said anything like, you'll conquer your fear for your 30th or something have you? Maybe that might explain it! Otherwise it's a really odd gift if he knows you won't fly!!