OP, you don't sound very devastated actually. Your posts just remind me of (usually an OW) who just wants to talk about someone she cannot have. You're not an OW but just the same, you cannot have the man you want. So you just want to talk about him.
If it were possible to hate somebody I've never met, I would hate your (ex) husband for what he's doing to you. The next wave of damage will be from your children when they realise that you put him first, last and always - and then yourself because you won't get out of this doormat mode.
Do you want to know what your husband thinks of you? I'll tell you because I was in the same position as you (although not with children) - and my ex never blamed me for our break-up, not ever, but I asked him WHY he thought it was ok to treat me like this - and he said, "Because I could, because you loved me so much. I was testing you to see how far you'd go. I thought you'd accept it but I was wrong, at the start I just wanted to punish you for putting up with me doing this so I kept upping the ante, doing more and more to hurt you and I felt better in myself when you ended it. I wish I'd never done it but I did and I lost you".
Now, I'm friendly with my ex to a degree but I will never, ever trust him again. The difference between you and I, OP, is that I was never as dependent as you are but I did love him and that 'love' made me put up with crap far longer than I should have.
Just how far are you going to let him push you? Humiliate you? Will you be watching when he brings other women to your home and fucks them in your bed? Will that be alright? Don't discount that he would do that because if you are in line to be 'punished' for loving him then that could be on the cards.
I don't care whether you think you can turn off your feelings for him or not, your feelings for your children should be on full scale. Put an elastic band around your wrist and every time you think of that waste of space, twang it hard so it hurts. You'll stop. You have everything to live for and you have your children who are counting on you. Do NOT let them down.
I really thought long and hard about posting what I have as it's deeply personal but, if it makes you stop and think for a minute - and you can learn anything from it and stop being such a wet doormat for your (ex) husband, then it was worth it.
I really do wish you well but please, there is a reason why your family and friends are getting fed up listening to you... your obsession is unhealthy and grating. You will not keep getting understanding and sympathy here either if you carry on because nobody wants to listen to you gush on about your abuser, it's nauseating.