Husband left me but still wants a sexual relationship but i still love him, help

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My husband left me around 6 weeks ago, I have added a screenshot of my post detailing the situation, we have been together 11 years (since we were 15 and 16) married for 8 and have a 5 and 7 year old together please read if you can it will make more sense to the rest of this .

Following the events in the previous post, we are now at a point where he is back living with us while he finds a place of his own to move out to, I and the kids have enjoyed having him around as it's felt like normal before he left and he has been sleeping with me consistanly since he's been home, I have tried everything to make him see how good it is with us at home and make him want to stay but he just doesn't. He reminds me all the time he's now single and makes jokes out of it which really hurt me.
He sends me very mixed signals as he knows how I desperately want him back despite what he's done and how he's acted but he tells me it's not what he wants and he wouldn't be happy coming back to a relationship but then 2 days ago he texted me and asked if I would go on a date with him, I said yes and then he txt saying don't label it, no boyfriend or girlfriend stuff it's just a date..
So we went on the date for dinner and had a nice time.. we came home and he was saying we'll always be friends yeah and I said no, you either want me or you don't and he replied I do want you, I want your body...
And that it's much better now were just friends (I don't feel this way I love and miss my husband and want him back as that again)
Once we got home he also said if we are going to carry on a sexual relationship I need to go on some contraception (we always used the pull out method) and I said why that's been good enough the last few years and he said yeah we were together then.. I got really upset and said this isn't sustainable, he said so you don't want to be my sex buddy then, ok I'll respect your wishes...
I'm in pieces because i love him I always have and he's treating me like he really doesn't care how I feel. I have sex with him because it's all I have left to cling onto but after a nice date and that talk I turned over and cried while he slept.. I know if I carry on he will just do it with me until he meets someone else then throw me to the kerb and he said to me he's happy to be my sex buddy until I meet someone else but I just want my life and husband back I don't want to meet someone else but I can't change his mind and I really thought when he asked me out it was going in a good direction but he has no intention of wanting to get back with me, I'm so so lost :( thanks for any help/advice x

I'm wondering what OPs parents were like.

Underthemoonlight where we both have jobs and had the children it wasn't suffocating at all then as id only see him in the evenings when he finishes work and 3 evenings a week I worked, and his one day off a week so it was only in the beginning we had all that time to spend together..
He has expressed he's looking forward to starting over so to speak and as you say break free but we're on completely different ends of the spectrum on that as I couldn't be more terrified or depressed over that but he's happy for it x

I have known a few couples over the years where in the beginning everything is amazing and they are one half of a whole.

Usually they spend years together. One party though is not faithful. They can spend years trying out maybes till they find the one.

Then they go leaving a devastated spouse behind.

In your case the one prooved not to be the one.

In one instance I had a gf (about 18 years old) who was going out with this guy in his mid 30s. I met him as his wife of 15years was a friend of a relative. They were disbelieving when I said he was going with an 18year old and I got it in the neck for spreading false rumours.

A couple of years later he left his wife who was devastated as she didn't see it coming and thought the woman he left her for was the first woman to turn his head

Yes your relationship is suffocating you moved in together ages 15/16 after 2months quickly dropped your friends in favour of each and had DC and got married of cause it's suffocating and it's apparent your ex wants to be out of this relationship. You are clinging on to everything possible to keep him.

He moved in with me, I lived with my nan.. we were spending 50/50 time at his house and the other half at mine, he had a falling out with his dad who he lived with so he stayed fill time with me there until we got a mortgage and actually bought his dad's house so we live in his childhood home (they made up obviously) x

For fucks sake I'm sorry but you need to love yourself.

This thing is a user.

Ok he may have been great in the past but he is not that person anymore.

Even if he was to switch right back to his usual self you couldn't trust him, could you?

You'd always feel second best.

He is using you for sex so he doesn't have to bother woo-img a woman. My guess is he doesn't want a relationship so it's easier to fuck you than try and have a ONS.

Re: date I think that was for his benefit. To convince himself he wasn't being a complete cunt and was treating you like a human being. 'Giving' you something for letting him fuck you.

He doesn't love you anymore. You don't love him anymore too you are obsessed with him.

To be blunt you'd clean the sheets after bringing another woman home.

I really do feel for you. I got with DH at 18 and am 27 now so nearly the same length of time and I know it would be debestating but I couldn't let my children see me being treated like shit.

Because a 5 and 7 year old will know and it will affect them.

Bottom line is everything has changed now. It will never be the same no matter how much you want it to.

You go out and have fun with friends. Flirt with a few men, have a dance, have a laugh- you will be happy again. Not with him and not in the same way but you will.

If he goes out to spite you and sleeps with someone else he's showing you how nasty he is. Let him. Pretend you don't care and just be glad you know now he's a scumbag.

Both decide what to do with the house and just keep contact related to kids. He deviates either don't answer or remind him again it's only to be around the kids.

What does he honestly think you get out of this? But no, he doesn't care about that either.

Most importantly don't sleep with him. If I lived near you I'd kick your shins every time you thought about it.

Remember if you're going through hell, keep going.

Your guardian did not have your best interests at heart by moving someone in the house when you were still a child. How long was it before you were pregnant? You've never experienced going out socialising and meeting new people going out with the girls shopping or going out for cocktails. You have had zero life experience I'm not surprised it's daunting for you but it's something you have to accept.

Do I by any chance feel he "rescued" you at all ?

I understand your point but we spent that time together because we were happy spending time together, we had our first child 3 years into the relationship so wasn't really rushed and we were already planning the wedding when I was pregnant, he does seem to want to get out but that has came so all of a sudden, He seemed perfectly happy rewinding even 6 months, we even talked of a 3rd baby around 10 months ago x

Do you* ?

It's not normal you have a codependent relationship on him, you don't have friends never experienced socialising as an adult. You never really gained your independance.

Your DH is behaving like a spectacular arse. However while you were settled down with all you ever wanted, I suspect he has started to look around at the lives of other people his age and realizing his life looks nothing like theirs.

From his point of view, he has somehow ended up with a mortgage, kids, wife and a business all of which depend on him. While he can see a lot of people in their mid-20s who have nothing of the sort and look young free and single.

Neither of you have lived a typical young adult life or relationship - you have liked it but at some point he has started to find it suffocating.

He wants to break away, he tried it with OW who was his great trip to freedom. It hasn't worked out for him so he is back with you, his plan B. But you are worse than his plan B as to his mind you represent everything wrong in his life that is holding him back.

I think he is an arsehole you should get rid of ASAP due to the way he is behaving but sadly I think a break in your relationship was probably inevitable given that neither of you ever had the chance to grow up.

Underthemoonlight I was 15 when we met and got together, we planned out daughter and I was 17 when I fell pregnant with her but 18 when I gave birth, we married when I was 18 and I was 3 months pregnant at the time.. our relationship was very physical from the off, we slept together a few days after meeting (when we became an item) and all the time, several times a day/night, being teenager that's probably normal though?

I went out a few times after my daughter was born while he'd watch her but I genuinely didn't enjoy the experience I just wanted to get back home to my family x

Why did you post, you have been given excellent advice and are ignoring it. If you want to be told keep shagging him, continue being a doormat, ignore the effects this is having on you children I think you will be disappointed.

Pick yourself up retrieve your backbone and self respect and think about the fact that not one person is agreeing with your behaviour.

You were still a kid when you got pregnant. You pushed all friendships away. It's not normal to have a full on relationship at that age to the extend your living together and having under age sex, it was a poor decision on your nanas part.

Birdsbeesandtrees I wouldn't say rescued, I didn't really have anything to be rescued from? I was a bit of a hard to handle teen and he calmed me down and helped put me on a good path, but wouldn't say rescued.. I just felt very intensely about him from the beginning and made him my everything, now that's left I feel I don't have much left only the children but they are a constant reminder of him and what we made together x

OP...I was you a few years ago. My SBXH..did have MY issues..we were together 20 years..he was the love of my life..I did the pick me dance..I made it sooo easy for him to come back..we even went on holiday

well lm here still standing and he has gone..but now without causing huge distress to dc's who didn't know if he was coming or going...if I had my time again I would have listened to advice.
I see it now..he was a complete manchild...I thought I couldn't live without him...but do you know what?I found out that I was the strong one..I bring up MY kids ..work and have made good friends. one piece of advice I had was you can't love him better...or indeed love him any more to make him see what he's giving up. He doesn't want it...no looking back at what you thought you had can do that. I found that as I grew he got weaker...he hasn't got anything now. But I never want him back...if you listen you could save you and dcs a lot of heartache. Stop focusing on him.
stop second guessing him...Focus on you and dcs.

what are YOU going to do now?

Please take advice AND act on it. only he can change...
alas I doubt you can hear all this advice...but I'd be delighted to hear that YOU are now making plans.

I'm not ignoring anyones advice, I've read and valued them all., I'm answering questions asked to me to help people understand the situation x

Underthemoonlight i know it wasnt normal but i (we?) Really thought we'd made it having gone 10+ years with each other and having all the grown up things like house children etc, so I agree it wasn't a normal start but I thought marrying your childhood sweetheart and growing old together was the dream and that we had it, I think that I'm still in shock or denial about that x

Onanotherday thanks for your comment, it's positive to see you have came out of similar on the other side, but I think I'm a long way off, I don't want to see a future without him in it even though I know it's fraught with disaster given the recent events, I think it's getting harder as time is passing not easier as I think before I always thought in my head, he'll come round this is just a phase but now it's really real x

This is my final post on this thread OP, because reading your posts isn't doing my blood pressure any good.

You think he might 'spite' you by 'doing something' when he's out tonight. He did something to spite you when he cheated. He will cheat if he wants to, because you forgave him, and even if you didn't, he wouldn't care. He does what he wants, with who he wants, when he wants, because you don't have any self respect.

You said you are sleeping with him because if you don't he'll go elsewhere. How very very sad. He's gone elsewhere and will again, regardless of what you do.

If you carry on with this waster, frankly you deserve everything you get.

Sometimes people change though, make mistakes and learn from them, this is all i hope for from him., id love to be able to say leave and don't speak to me again, in fact I always told him if he ever cheated that would be it no 2nd chances, no anything and I honestly believed I would say that but then being put in the situation I unfortunately can't turn off my feelings for him despite him hurting me

Please read summeriscoming's post. It is excellent.

We have all been in a position like you once. I have done it. Slept with a bloke who I was desperate to get back with. It just does not work. I know you think that if you go on dates etc it will be YOU ending the relationship but I promise if he wants you back, he will come running. He is not going to think 'Oh she is going on dates, she does not love me any more so I will leave her alone and get a divorce'.

Trust me, if he sees you moving on AND STILL LOVES YOU, he will be beating down your door to get to you. I know this is what you're worried about, but don't be. It doesn't work like that.

He already cheated when he left for the OW of course he slept with prior to you splitting he isn't going to leave without having anything to go to. Now he's sniffing around wanting sex but to be single. You have mug written on you're forehead

PowerPantsRule I really don't know anyone or have anyone I could go on a date with yet and internet dating seems really dangerous to me! I am afraid of that also but more because he says he doesn't love me so then he won't care but I don't know if it's denial or what but I think he does love me deep down he just doesn't realise it because he's bored or having this crisis or something or purely because he knows id always be there waiting for him? x