Husband left me but still wants a sexual relationship but i still love him, help

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My husband left me around 6 weeks ago, I have added a screenshot of my post detailing the situation, we have been together 11 years (since we were 15 and 16) married for 8 and have a 5 and 7 year old together please read if you can it will make more sense to the rest of this .

Following the events in the previous post, we are now at a point where he is back living with us while he finds a place of his own to move out to, I and the kids have enjoyed having him around as it's felt like normal before he left and he has been sleeping with me consistanly since he's been home, I have tried everything to make him see how good it is with us at home and make him want to stay but he just doesn't. He reminds me all the time he's now single and makes jokes out of it which really hurt me.
He sends me very mixed signals as he knows how I desperately want him back despite what he's done and how he's acted but he tells me it's not what he wants and he wouldn't be happy coming back to a relationship but then 2 days ago he texted me and asked if I would go on a date with him, I said yes and then he txt saying don't label it, no boyfriend or girlfriend stuff it's just a date..
So we went on the date for dinner and had a nice time.. we came home and he was saying we'll always be friends yeah and I said no, you either want me or you don't and he replied I do want you, I want your body...
And that it's much better now were just friends (I don't feel this way I love and miss my husband and want him back as that again)
Once we got home he also said if we are going to carry on a sexual relationship I need to go on some contraception (we always used the pull out method) and I said why that's been good enough the last few years and he said yeah we were together then.. I got really upset and said this isn't sustainable, he said so you don't want to be my sex buddy then, ok I'll respect your wishes...
I'm in pieces because i love him I always have and he's treating me like he really doesn't care how I feel. I have sex with him because it's all I have left to cling onto but after a nice date and that talk I turned over and cried while he slept.. I know if I carry on he will just do it with me until he meets someone else then throw me to the kerb and he said to me he's happy to be my sex buddy until I meet someone else but I just want my life and husband back I don't want to meet someone else but I can't change his mind and I really thought when he asked me out it was going in a good direction but he has no intention of wanting to get back with me, I'm so so lost :( thanks for any help/advice x

Well done love. The new arrangement sounds much more sensible and far better for the children, as it will give them the routine and stability they need, whilst still spending time with both parents.

The next step is to start ignoring any texts from him which aren't about the children. Don't reply, don't engage, just delete them. If he asks why you aren't communicating, then tell him - politely - that he is the one who wanted to leave and who decided that he didn't love you any more. Therefore it's not appropriate for him to keep using you as an emotional crutch and sounding-board - and that you will only talk to him about arrangements for the children.

He wanted to leave the marriage, so he doesn't get the benefit of a sympathetic ear and your emotional support. Let him face up to exactly what he will be missing and giving up.

I suggest any messages about the DC's go via a friend or family member and then you can block all his emotional messages.

Well done, love. That is much better for your dc and much better for you. Brave lady to come back. I hope you understand how shocked and frightened for you everyone was when you said what your plans were so they rracted harshly to try and get you to listen. And you did.

You're a Class Act, OP, you really are. Without meaning to be patronising, you're young and you've gone through so much and are now having to cope on your own with two children - and an ex husband who is trying his best to satisfy his own agenda. As other posters have said, the new arrangement is much, much better and you have control now.

I really hope that your own family and friends are rallying around you. I'm sure they will if you let them know because as frustrated as they were with you when you were in thrall to your ex, they will be so proud of you and happy to help you move on without him.

It's not going to be easy, it's never easy to end a marriage but, as my wise old granny said to me, "Better an end with horror than a horror without end".

You're on your way and I'm proud of you too. Very. I hope you are proud of how far you've come in the last couple of months/weeks. And what an example you're setting for your children. When they're older, I'm sure they will be justly proud of you too.

He just wants you for sex and that's it. Have some self respect and chuck him out, and don't have anything more to do with him unless it's for the kids.

Another well done op. So much courage. Now you just have to set him straight that you are not available to listen to all his whinging and moaning about how unhappy he is. Well tough shit. He's made his bed, he can deal with it. The consequence of his decision is that you can't be there for him anymore.

Please politely tell him to leave you alone and only communicate about the kids. Even those conversations should be brief and to the point. Ignore the rest.

we have agreed he will have both the children overnight on the 3 nights I work and the Sunday all day as is his day with them

So is he having them either Saturday or Sunday night as well? Doesn't he achieve primary carer status as soon as he manages to wangle 4 nights out of 7 anyway? Tread carefully.

I'd like to make it clear that it is utterly idiotic to think that this man wants this contact with your children when he has previously done fuck all childcare. He is plotting to deprive you of your fair share of the marital assets. Discuss this with a solicitor. Discuss none of it, and agree to nothing, with him. This man is not your friend.

You are also hopelessly blind if you still think he was single and hadn't been cheating when he announced the start of that original six-week period. He says it himself - he doesn't want to be alone. He had someone lined up when he jumped ship, make no mistake.

I work tues weds and Sunday night's which are the 3 nights he has them, I have them 4 nights, and he has them for the day Sunday otherwise he'd never have a day to do anything with them or taken them anywhere

That sounds ok to me

Sounds fine to me as well. The children need a relationship with their Dad and he should be given the opportunity to step up and start being an involved parent. If it supports you being able to work then that's even better.

I echo the advice not to trust him though. And if you haven't done so already then I urge you to see a solicitor and get some legal advice. Nothing is set in stone and getting advice - or even starting the wheels turning for a divorce - doesn't mean that you can't pause or stop things if needs be. But it's so important that you get professional guidance on where you stand.

It's also vital that your H understands that you are serious, that he can't mess you about and dance in and out of your life, and that he doesn't get to pick and choose what bits of you he wants. So if he says the marriage is over because he doesn't love you anymore, then that means that you won't live together, you won't have sex with him, you won't be friends with him, you won't be his shoulder to cry on and he's on his own.

It's tough now - I know it is. But trust me, you are going to come out the other side of this with a much greater sense of your own worth. You'll be more confident, you'll have more self-esteem and self-respect and you'll have learned not to let a bloke mess you about because you deserve better than that.

There are lots of really nice blokes out there who are decent, kind, funny, cheeky, genuine and lovely. Life is short - don't waste it with a selfish tosser.

You're so strong OP, what a change to your first post.
You're putting your children and you first, be proud of yourself.
Get something nice in for yourself for after work and treat yourself

Thank you for the replies, I don't feel any stronger but hearing I sound different is a positive :) It was horrible coming home to an empty house after work but the first night is the hardest I suppose.., saw his Facebook posts of pictures with the children and how much fun he was having, I'm happy they had fun but it felt a little sore to see x

I feel for you as I have been in your position. You want to carry on sleeping with them because you want that closeness with the man you truly love and it's all you have left. It's really hard to let go. I don't have any advice for you because the obvious thing would be to leave and get rid of him but it's not easy to do and it's not what you want to do either.
Sorry about the lack of advice but here's a hand hold for you x

A word of advice - and I appreciate this will be very hard for you. But I would unfriend him on Facebook and block him so that you can't see his wall. Ditto any other social media.

The quickest way to start trying to move forwards, is to stop watching him, analysing every move and post and everything he does. If he starts going on nights out, you are going to sit and obsess over every photo and the people he's with. If he meets someone else then it's going to be viciously painful to see photos and check-ins of him with someone else.

Delete and block. If he asks why then tell him politely that it's nothing personal but you're sure he will understand that it's necessary for you to distance yourself so that you can start to heal and move on.

I agree paul

You don't have to unfriend him, if you just unfollow him you won't see his posts.

Psychedelic normally I'd agree, but the problem with un-following is that OP will simply look his page up - and she will, because it's what you do when your world has fallen in and the man you love has suddenly become a stranger.

Unfriending also sends a clear message - that she's not his friend.

Why do you still have him as a connection on social media?

Well done OP.. That inner strength is coming through.

You ok op?

I have an ex-friend whose 30 something boyfriend was very gentlemanly about her wish to be a virgin on her wedding night (for religious reasons) to the extent of paying for separate rooms on holiday. He struggled to find a date for the wedding, however, with work commitments.

Later, he ended up in the papers for doing something that could be construed as a 'homosexual act' and lost his job.

He still says he is not gay.

Ex-friend married someone else (and a better choice too!)