Husband left me but still wants a sexual relationship but i still love him, help

[user1495964242]

My husband left me around 6 weeks ago, I have added a screenshot of my post detailing the situation, we have been together 11 years (since we were 15 and 16) married for 8 and have a 5 and 7 year old together please read if you can it will make more sense to the rest of this .

Following the events in the previous post, we are now at a point where he is back living with us while he finds a place of his own to move out to, I and the kids have enjoyed having him around as it's felt like normal before he left and he has been sleeping with me consistanly since he's been home, I have tried everything to make him see how good it is with us at home and make him want to stay but he just doesn't. He reminds me all the time he's now single and makes jokes out of it which really hurt me.
He sends me very mixed signals as he knows how I desperately want him back despite what he's done and how he's acted but he tells me it's not what he wants and he wouldn't be happy coming back to a relationship but then 2 days ago he texted me and asked if I would go on a date with him, I said yes and then he txt saying don't label it, no boyfriend or girlfriend stuff it's just a date..
So we went on the date for dinner and had a nice time.. we came home and he was saying we'll always be friends yeah and I said no, you either want me or you don't and he replied I do want you, I want your body...
And that it's much better now were just friends (I don't feel this way I love and miss my husband and want him back as that again)
Once we got home he also said if we are going to carry on a sexual relationship I need to go on some contraception (we always used the pull out method) and I said why that's been good enough the last few years and he said yeah we were together then.. I got really upset and said this isn't sustainable, he said so you don't want to be my sex buddy then, ok I'll respect your wishes...
I'm in pieces because i love him I always have and he's treating me like he really doesn't care how I feel. I have sex with him because it's all I have left to cling onto but after a nice date and that talk I turned over and cried while he slept.. I know if I carry on he will just do it with me until he meets someone else then throw me to the kerb and he said to me he's happy to be my sex buddy until I meet someone else but I just want my life and husband back I don't want to meet someone else but I can't change his mind and I really thought when he asked me out it was going in a good direction but he has no intention of wanting to get back with me, I'm so so lost :( thanks for any help/advice x

' all what help lead me to he is depressed or having a bit of a breakdown, '

Bullshit. He knows exactly what he's doing.

Still=STI

Birdsbeesandtrees what brings you to that conclusion? Not being rude generally asking, in my view e were like est friends, we went on days out, family holidays etc talked every single day, if I needed anything he was there for me and I the same for him, he's ask my opinion on things he wasn't sure about, he financially supported me through driving lessons, bought my cars, paid insurance etc I'm just wondering what makes you say that? Of course the last 6 weeks behaviour yes I agree but this is a 180 from who he was previously x

Do you know what your problem op is you stayed and married your first love from the age of 15years old. You have never experienced different relationships you have solely been focused on your dh. You have clearly put him above yourself which is why he knows you can be at your beacon call. The moment another woman comes on the scene again he will drop you like a hot potato. Have some self respect don't be treated like a mug and leave. Make a life for you and DC and show them that you don't accept unhealthily relationships if you don't you will all be the go between.

Nope, this is who he really is.

The bit where you said ", I happily gave up friends or a social life when I was with him because he was all I wanted"

Is really not normal. Why did you give up all your friends and social life ?

It's really not very healthy to be so dependant on another person to this extent.

Perhaps I am coloured by my experience of this but your posts are heavily reminding me of a school friend and her partner.

Also got together young , each other's firsts. Their relationship was at first very very intense with the two of them spending every hour together and unable to even sit separately without holding hands across the table or between seats.

Also lead to her being very isolated and having no life outside of the relationship.

Do you remember anything like this ?

You've also said he speaks to you very nastily, has told you to fuck off and so on. You actually sound intimidated by him if not a little afraid.

Has he ever broken anything or slammed doors ? Or pushed you ?

Focus on you and your DC. Every action you make is shaping the way your DC will see relationships. Would you want either of your DC to be used by their OH?

If my DH dared to tell me he only wanted me for my body he would be out of the house in a hot minute. It's either the whole of you (as in you are married) or none of you.

If you want him back you need to make him work for it. That starts with kicking him out. Get rid of him.

Btw DS1 DF left me for OW I loved him but I never was going to play the pick me dance and I never had him back dispite the phone calls. I'm now happily married to my DH.

Remember op your only worth what your willing to let people treat you. It's in your hands.

I feel you don't seem to think you are "whole" without him and cannot be as good alone as you are with him.

If this is who he really is shouldn't it have taken less than 11 years to come out though? I'm sure we all know those people who are very on/off or you just know one or both are cheaters or just generally in a relationship that won't last but we were (for 10 years) very stable and everyone including me is shocked this has happened.. people always said to us they wanted a marriage like ours etc :/ x

Do not kid yourself. He is not depressed or having a breakdown.

He was fucking someone else, that didn't work out and now he's off out tonight looking for another shag.

He tells you stuff as he wants to have his cake and eat it. He is a completely selfish, self-absorbed bastard. And he could not give less of a fuck about your feelings.

Birdsbeesandtrees we have spent every night of those 11 years together except for 3 I believe when he had to stay away from competitive runs he used to do.., yes it was very intense but we loved each other very deeply.. He didn't ask or tell me to give up my friends I just didn't contact them anymore as I just wanted to be with him and that's what we did, then we got jobs so worked all day and were together in the evenings, then came marriage and the children..
He has only spoken to me like that since the split and when I say or do something he disagrees with.. by nature he is a lovely person unless you push the wrong buttons then he has a fiery temper but I've never been on the wrong end of it.., in his younger days he'd punch things if he was in that frame of mind but I've not seen him do that in years x

And no he's never laid a finger on me or pushed me, and you are right I definatly don't feel whole without him, we were 2 halves of the same person and he possessed all the qualities I don't have so we complimented each other and I wouldn't have changed anything about him (prior to this of course) x

Your delusional op he does love you he wants freedom to do what he pleases

Did he give up his friends ? Or just you ?

Just to clarify before the split if you said or did something he disagreed with how would he react ?

No friends from the age of 15 and a full on relationship just isn't normal.

OP what you are describing as not feeling whole without him isn't normal/healthy.

You are separate people. You are describing yourself as dependent on him.

We both did, I only had a very small circle of friends, he had more than me but we spent every spare moment together in the beginning.. He moved into my house about 2 months into the relationship but we were already spending everyday/night together anyway..

And no I mean since the split if I disagree with anything or say something he doesn't like he gets shitty, but wasn't like that before... we rarely argued to be honest, obviously sometimes but never anything to write home about he would mostly go quiet and not talk rather than have a slanging match with me x

Maybe it wasn't normal but it was what we both wanted and I thought it had worked out wonderfully, we'd grown up together, had children experienced all these things together but obviously I was wrong, i never entertained the thought we wouldn't be together forever because that's how secure I felt we were x

maybe have a read of this

You do not have a healthy normal relationship. The fact he moved in with after 2 months when you 15 is appalling. What on earth were parents thinking!

Problem op is you never grew up properly you went from your parents straight to being in a full on dependant relationship with your dh. I doubt you have many life experiences to speak of if you have lived in your bubble. It's clear maybe your dh is now wanting to experience and break free of what sounds like a suffocating relationship from both sides.

Birdsbeesandtrees neither me or him have any addiction/mental health or domestic violence issues but that aside alot of the article does sound like me and my feelings toward the relationship and him x

I don't believe the addiction or mental health problems are essential. I thought that might ring some bells.

I would seriously suggest you have some therapy for yourself to sort out your feelings around your relationship if you are able.

Did he move in with you and your parents?