Husband left me but still wants a sexual relationship but i still love him, help

[user1495964242]

My husband left me around 6 weeks ago, I have added a screenshot of my post detailing the situation, we have been together 11 years (since we were 15 and 16) married for 8 and have a 5 and 7 year old together please read if you can it will make more sense to the rest of this .

Following the events in the previous post, we are now at a point where he is back living with us while he finds a place of his own to move out to, I and the kids have enjoyed having him around as it's felt like normal before he left and he has been sleeping with me consistanly since he's been home, I have tried everything to make him see how good it is with us at home and make him want to stay but he just doesn't. He reminds me all the time he's now single and makes jokes out of it which really hurt me.
He sends me very mixed signals as he knows how I desperately want him back despite what he's done and how he's acted but he tells me it's not what he wants and he wouldn't be happy coming back to a relationship but then 2 days ago he texted me and asked if I would go on a date with him, I said yes and then he txt saying don't label it, no boyfriend or girlfriend stuff it's just a date..
So we went on the date for dinner and had a nice time.. we came home and he was saying we'll always be friends yeah and I said no, you either want me or you don't and he replied I do want you, I want your body...
And that it's much better now were just friends (I don't feel this way I love and miss my husband and want him back as that again)
Once we got home he also said if we are going to carry on a sexual relationship I need to go on some contraception (we always used the pull out method) and I said why that's been good enough the last few years and he said yeah we were together then.. I got really upset and said this isn't sustainable, he said so you don't want to be my sex buddy then, ok I'll respect your wishes...
I'm in pieces because i love him I always have and he's treating me like he really doesn't care how I feel. I have sex with him because it's all I have left to cling onto but after a nice date and that talk I turned over and cried while he slept.. I know if I carry on he will just do it with me until he meets someone else then throw me to the kerb and he said to me he's happy to be my sex buddy until I meet someone else but I just want my life and husband back I don't want to meet someone else but I can't change his mind and I really thought when he asked me out it was going in a good direction but he has no intention of wanting to get back with me, I'm so so lost :( thanks for any help/advice x

And what if he then asks for your son too? Will you hand him over as well? If your husband is only seeing them after work and in the morning, then that's surely how much he sees them already? How is it any different?

so at this rate you are going to lose your home and children too - bloody hell. This is so woefully bad and you are blindly letting him do this. You need a word with yourself. He will take them from you and you will end up paying him maintenance and while you live in some flat all alone while he stays in your house not working while you support him!!

You silence I hope is due to getting paperwork and legal help...alas I doubt it. Prove me wrong OP come back and talk...sorry if you feel we are being hard on you...but RL is hard and you are not showing any signs that you are acting on advice given by many ...

So he will have your dd for 7 nights a week and your ds 3 nights a week whilst you work. So 10 child nights iyswim between them for the week. You will have just ds for 4 nights.
10 nights compared to 4 nights! Who will be automatically seen as the primary career? Who will be given the house?

Be careful op. Be very careful.

Or more correctly
10/14ths of his childcare responsibility compared to 4/14ths yours.
Simplified to 5/7ths compared to 2/7ths,

Oh God this thread got so awful, just when I thought ok, OP isn't there yet, she will need a lot more hurt from this arsehole to be able to break away... the arsehole pulled another manipulative trick out of his hat, and again, OP doesn't believe he means any harm.

OP, if you still read, grow up really quickly, and get angry! You will end up with nothing if you're not careful.
Your arsehole husband will play happy families with your kids and a new wife, having residency whilst you pay maintenance and don't see your kids.

Oh my god OP.

I had sympathy for you when you first started posting although I desperately wanted you to grow a back bone. But now you're willing to do whatever he wants even if it means messing your kids around? No sorry, all my sympathy has now gone

Grow up. You're a grown woman. Grow a backbone, find some self respect and stand up for yourself but more importantly think of your kids for a change and not what your 'DP' wants.

Make that 58.

If you let her go you will be making the biggest mistake of your life and ruining both her life and your son's. This will irreparably damage these children emotionally.

This is the most frustrating thread on MN. OP, I don;t believe for one moment you will take any notice of any of us because you have firmly made up your mind to roll over and let this vile man dictate his cruel whims just in the vain hope he may stay.

He won't stay.
He doesn't love you.
He had zero respect for you.
He will take the children.
He will turn the children against you.
You will lose your home.
You will lose your children.
You will pay him maintenance.
You will see them with another woman being wife and Mum.

We get the dubious prize of saying "told you so".

You won't listen.

Make that 59.

OP Seriously, please come back and post and do let the lovely bunch above be your thinking brain and your moral/sense checking compass. Please. I promise you it is beyond patently obvious that you are not thinking straight right now so hand it over to this lot rather than trust yourself with decision making. Please.

He's not at all sorry for what he's done, is he? Over a decade of marriage could have been salvaged if he'd made steps to show he was sorry.
But you've been deregulated from wife to someone who has sex with him and does some chores. That is ubelievably disrespectful to you. Your children will probably pick up on this.
It must be so hard when you have feelings. But look at it from the outside - he's treating you terribly.
Go to a solicitor and start living a better life

This is incredibly sad, reading the postsa out your daughter.
In the nicest possible way, you have blinkers on. A nice holiday at nannie's? Come on...

*posts about

I know OP you may be gone - but the 'only for a month' is quite dangerous. Nothing should change for the children at the moment, except he will be gone. Splitting them up and ridiculous half measures like being looked after by Nannie is all about control and possessiveness and nothing about what is right.

My DHs children split up after the divorce, some with us, some with them, and even though they thought they were doing the right thing they caused untold damage. The children learned to take sides, to never have to stay with one parent as the other would take them in whenever, to feel their own importance, to manipulate. It's crap. Two are now failing completely as adults. All they needed was to have been kept out of the indulgence, whose the best parent, the indulgences and just continue to be parented.

Don't do it.

Sorry to not reply in a while, had alot going on and found some of this hard to read and backed away.., we talked again and he is not taking dd, we have agreed he will have both the children overnight on the 3 nights I work and the Sunday all day as is his day with them, just as it would be if he moved into his own place permanently x

Thanks for coming back OP, that takes courage. I think the new arrangement is much more sensible.

That is great news!
Well done. It may be hard to read what people say, but they are just desperate to protect you from making mistakes (and mistakes that they or others have made in the past).

Thank you, I know people want to help and an honest opinion is what I came here for in the first place but truth is sometimes a hard pill to swallow I'm finding., he spent his first night at his mum's last night without any of the kids, was texting alot saying he felt lost and he's unhappy with how his life has turned out that we were supposed to be happy always, but not saying that he wanted to come back to me so abit emotionally confused today, and don't really know what to make of That, can't lie and say that I didn't miss him or wanted him to come home but that's still me being hopelessly honest.., I'll be working tonight and tomorrow night so he will be picking up the children in a few hours so off they'll all go 😕 x

He's feeling sorry for himself as you took his sex toy away from him. You and your dc deserve better. It's going to hurt though even if it's the right decision.

F**k him with knobs on 😡

Brave girl. Well done.

I've been harsh on here to you but it has been out of frustration. Us vipers on MN are outside your relationship so we can see clearly and dispassionately what is happening. You, poor lamb, are totally immersed in the hurt and misery and confusion. Most of us are probably speaking from experience and are older then you.

User you sound sweet and kind. I mean well as I think do the majority of posters here on your thread. Life can be tough and you are young and inexperienced. I admire your honesty and truly wish you the strength to unravel yourself from this horrible situation. Well done on not being persuaded to give your daughter away.

You need to shut down his text emotion-vomiting ASAP. Tell him that he has created this situation and that he needs to get counseling if he's having problems dealing with it. That you don't want or need to hear his emotional bullshit because you have your own emotions to deal with considering the bomb he's set off in your life.

Don't let him use you as an emotional vomitorium.

Well done OP and stay strong! I think he feels guilty of leaving you and wants to look good. I hope one day you will find happiness but don't take him back as he will break your heart again. Men often think with their knobs unfortunately.