Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Monster in law

130 replies

Rainsbow · 27/05/2017 09:15

I hate her. Just full stop. Everything she does is bloody annoying, rude, irritating, exasperating etc etc. I've managed to avoid seeing her and speaking to her since December. Dp and I are getting married soon so obviously she'll be there and I dread it. Dp has met up with his folks several times and just excuses me going too. Not sure what the point of this is but I worry about it big time. His parents are potentially coming here next month (they live 100miles away) and I really think I'm going to book into a hotel. On the contrary, I get on so so well with my own mum, I see her every day.

OP posts:

Original poster

Rainsbow · 29/05/2017 07:22

I'm never ever going to like her and she doesn't like me either. TBH I can't be arsed to try with her. She's so arrogant and self-important.

OP posts:

Joysmum · 29/05/2017 07:25

Thank goodness you've got a supportive DP. Interesting he doesn't get shit for not getting the girls to send a card.

I'm with him though, Mother's Day is for mothers and everything else is a construct of the greetings card industry.

Trollspoopglitter · 29/05/2017 07:29

Nope, don't see any of it in her text but I do see the arrogance in your own posts. That's the worst you could come up with too

Original poster

Rainsbow · 29/05/2017 08:13

Oh do move on glitter. I'm delighted that you get on so well with everyone who you pass. Some of us don't meet eye to eye with all our family members.

OP posts:

Joysmum · 29/05/2017 08:16

Luckily it doesn't matter a shiny shit what a bunch of randoms say Rainsbow.

It must be bad for your DP to have taken to pulling his own mother up in her behaviour. The general concerns us on MIL threads is that it's more of a DP problem than a MIL problem. At least you've not got that as an issue. I'm glad he can see it and she's not just tried it on when nobody else is about so that he's doubting you.

springydaffs · 29/05/2017 10:55

You're the kind of DIL that give DsIL a bad name. She may be a pita but you really are making things much worse with your horrible attitude.

What's your future plan, to get rid of her altogether?

CatsAndCandles · 30/05/2017 12:05

You're the kind of DIL that give DsIL a bad name.

I don't understand this at all. It's normal to get angry at some point after being treated badly.

Trollspoopglitter · 30/05/2017 21:12

"Oh do move on glitter"

How about you don't post on a public forum asking for opinions if you don't want to hear them?

ladymariner · 31/05/2017 06:44

How old are you op, you sound very young! Have you stopped to consider how your dp is feeling about all this....perhaps he is happy for the afternoon to pan out as you had planned, just to avoid any unpleasantness. They're his parents, and you.might not like it but he loves them, and he's going to want to see them.
Interesting that you see your mum every day and that's ok but he wanting to see his mum is considered a problem. Are you positive he didn't have a point when he said you were over sensitive?

MrsBertBibby · 31/05/2017 07:47

My mother is a nightmare, very difficult, negative and manipulative. My lovely partner would be perfectly justified in avoiding her, but he doesn't because he is my partner and wants to support me in my dealings with my family. Because we are grown ups. And we love each other.

Do you love your partner, OP?

Original poster

Rainsbow · 31/05/2017 08:41

I'm 29 with two kids so thanks for the advice of growing up .

He supports me because he knows what she's like. He's choosing to marry me whether she likes it or not.

OP posts:

EndInjustice · 31/05/2017 08:49

Rainsbow, I get where you're coming from. But you must think long and hard about being related to her - can you really cope with years and years of having to deal with this woman?

Original poster

Rainsbow · 31/05/2017 08:57

End yes it's a pill to swallow. Given dp is ok with me not taking part in meet ups, I think that'll just continue. She's happy with it too.

OP posts:

Imbroglio · 31/05/2017 09:04

She's happy with it too. Really? Then what's with the goady texts to your fiance about Mother's Day cards?

I get that her behaviour is poor. But I think its six of one and half a dozen of the other. And the result is that your fiance and children have to accommodate you both.

springydaffs · 31/05/2017 17:13

Perhaps a mark of maturity is recognising the older you get the more you have to learn

EndInjustice · 31/05/2017 17:31

If only wisdom really did come with age, Springy!

Some people never learn, never change and never come round to another's POV. I don't believe it's a sign of immaturity itself to think one has nothing more to learn, just inexperience.

OP is not so much immature as being a younger person on the defensive and bogged down in a nasty atmosphere which could probably be improved by the older lady acting in a more mature way and helping the situation.

Springy, do you think the MIL could be persuaded to take a more mature and constructive approach, even in her advanced years?

springydaffs · 31/05/2017 22:17

Maybe! Definitely maybe... who knows?

We're not talking about her though, we're focusing on op's dilemma, at op's request. We only have op's perspective on the situation.

springydaffs · 31/05/2017 22:19

Op isn't helping the situation, I think that's clear.

However, such an entrenched position on your part op could suggest you've been hurt?

AddToBasket · 31/05/2017 22:34

I think your approach is immature too. Going out is rude - they are coming later because you are going for lunch.

You sound like someone who will have lots of troubled relationships/friendships because you just can't learn to swallow your feelings enough for family harmony. Do your DH a favour and stop being childish.

Original poster

Rainsbow · 01/06/2017 06:59

Daffs the comment that has resonated most , I was told 4 years ago by her when i found out I was pregnant with dd2 (her granddaughter). I was 25 for this pregnancy, but 21 in my first pregnancy (different relationship). The comment went like this:

"How did your parents react to the news?"
"They're really excited!"
"Well, yes, I don't think they'd be surprised, they know their daughter".
"Excuse me?"
"Well, you've already had one young pregnancy haven't you".

OP posts:

springydaffs · 01/06/2017 07:35

Wow, that is either desperately tactless... or toxic. Hard to tell.

"They know their daughter" could have been an unbelievably 'two left feet' way of saying, well, they know their daughter wanted to start a family early... I'm clutching at straws here tbh. It's going to be a longstanding relationship and, with those, we have to clutch at straws sometimes... .

But it's clear why you've taken against her with a vengeance

Hellothereitsme · 01/06/2017 07:44

We can all take comments out of context and make someone look unreasonable. You decided from day one that you didn't like your MIL - this is your partners mum someone he loves. Ok she might make crass comments but you sound rude and spoilt.

EndInjustice · 01/06/2017 10:28

such an entrenched position on your part op could suggest you've been hurt?

Luckily, no, I have been surrounded by sensible people, and 'hurt' is not the case.

But we're talking about the OP here.....aren't we?

user1466690252 · 01/06/2017 10:42

my MIL gives me such extreme anxiety so I do understand. It's the barbed comments and controlling of the atmosphere that I struggle with, but she's not a bad person, it's just her way. DP recognises this as she does it to him aswell, but she's his mother and I respect her as that. As much as I would never like to ser her again, I can't, so we make the best of a difficult situation and "control " the time we spend together with activities like days out with the kids so there is a distracion and less opportuinity for her to be rude to me. maybe that would help? keeping a bit if structure to the visits means we have nice days together, going to their house or her coming to mine always, without fail, causes me the evening in tears due to her nastiness.

Blueskyrain · 01/06/2017 11:15

You've called her far worse on this thread than anything she's said about you. You are being unreasonable and really should grow up. You don't have to be best friends, just be civil to her.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.