The Dating Thread 118. Online and real life dating advice

[Bant]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Hey all, I'm not really on MN at the mo (apart from now, obvs). Looking forward to date with AR, binned off OKC, still on Bumble. That's about it

You wanna review mine then LM? If it's awful you might have some tweaks that might actually make me use it again!!

I'll do it Info - I feel bad I suggested it and then Bant took up the mantle!

PM me your POF name.

I don't care about outing myself (great pun on my mn username there!), I don't post anything here I wouldn't tell my rl friends anyway. I am a chronic over-sharer! :)

Another date with The Nurse tonight. It all seems to be going well- I hope so; I don't think I have the energy to go back to OLD.

Good luck with the date with AR, Cover.

I can't be arsed with OLD at the moment either. The weather is lovely and work is busy and I'm thinking about planning a holiday.

(My boss asked how my dating life was going. In a nice way. I told him I couldn't really be bothered with it at the moment and he said 'oh you know what they say, things always happen when you stop looking'

I almost swore at him :) )

I'm happy to look info and happy for you to look at mine.

Mr Irish keeps messaging me, I am backing away slowly, no more irons lined up .

Out you sound like me, sometimes I wonder if I should stop oversharing

Two checkers, even better!! Will PM the username. I'd say go easy on me but that's not gonna help anything!!

Actually - how do you find someone by their username?

(I found it - it's on the front page, before you log in)

So I really like Mr Navy Officer. It's been 5 dates and a month now. But he's been quieter on Whatsapp. I get that he's busy at work. But I have an extra long bank holiday weekend and he's not suggested a weekend together or even a date night.

Should I just come out and ask when are we meeting up next? I don't want to message him back when he hasn't replied to my last message.

Polar ignore the 'waiting for his reply' rule as you've seen him enough to know he is likely to be interested. Why not say "I'm'm free Sun pm Mon all day" swap for when you're actually free "are you free then too?"

Thank you Lana - I did just that and and he replied back straight away saying that sounded great and did I fancy a date afternoon out (Cinema and dinner) and then staying at his.

He drives to see me all the time (40-60 minute drive) so I said I'll get the train down.

I feel like I'm useles at dating as I've never had to do it (long term relationship from my early 20s!)

Info, I like your profile, it's not too long, not too short, nice photos but all quite similar (love the tattoos), you need to smile a bit more because I'm sure you have a great smile. Your photos are quite similar to mine in the way that most are selfies, I am trying to encourage my daughter to take photos of me whilst we are out doing things but I have having my photo taken.

I don't know what to try. Met someone two months ago and told him it can't work coz of an array of reasons, and he asked me for his money back from the dates he had taken me on

shouldstaysingle

I don't know what I'm doing when dating either, although apparently the wrong thing it seems to be that playing games works but I'm just not like that and can't be bothered with the faff.

My coffee date with Mr Chef went really well today, there wasn't any awkwardness and he made me laugh a lot. I didn't want to leave but had a thing at DD's school. He sent me a msg just after to say he had a really good time but o/c I'm paranoid he's just saying that. My FB is supposed to be coming over on Friday and if there was definitely going to be a 2nd date with Mr Chef I would cancel. But we didn't kiss... in my youth I was very fickle and a bad kisser would be a deal breaker for me!

shouldstay - if I were you I'd reply to say you'd be happy to refund him, except you weren't aware he was trying to buy you.

What a twat. Some men think that because they're buying you dinner that you owe them something.

However, some women think that because they're spending the evening with you, you should pay for dinner.

The only thing you can learn from that is to not be an arsehole, and if someone proves themselves to be an arsehole, then make sure they know they are one, and then learn from it, block, and move on.

Sorry though. What a dick.

allthem - it's unlikely a man would send a message saying he really enjoyed spending time with you if he didn't.

If you haven't made any promises to Chef then as long as you're sensible, there's no problem with seeing FB. It may potentially cause issues in the future if you mention it, or something, in a fit of guilt. But unless you've said you're exclusive then you're not exclusive.

You could still cancel FB later. That's kind of the point with FBs, isn't it?

Bant I've had that from 2 guys previously who have cancelled the 2nd date at short notice. So, kind of expecting it from Mr Chef too.

He's starting work at 6am tomorrow and Friday, I don't know when his next day off is but when he's working it's not unusual to be until 10:30pm. Which is pretty standard for chefs/food managers. So, if there is a 2nd date, it won't be until Sun or next week. If anything happens with him, I know I'll feel guilty if I see my FB even if I know I shouldn't IYSWIM? If the situation was reversed, I'd feel quite hurt.

Basically, I'll see how tomorrow /Fri morning go communication wise then decide whether to cancel FB.

Polar great news. I'm in similar position, was with exH for 18yrs. Now divorced and dating since last Aug. Had some strange experiences along the way, but some good including now. It is harder to trust it when it goes well when it can go very wrong.

Your plan makes sense.

I may possibly have been a bit naive in terms of what people will say. All you can do is what feels right to you. In your situation, I couldn't see a FB, but everyone's different.

And if he hasn't been in touch 24 hours after a second date then you can do what you choose, assuming you were talking every day before now

Dating is shit, innit :)

I think dating is a roulette wheel. For everyone who gets lucky pure coincidence it works the first time there are a whole group waiting trying and trying again. If you leave the game you miss potential opportunities.

Too true, I was feeling quite dejected about it all, hence arranging to see my FB. I thought it was very unlikely I would meet anyone that I actually fancied and got on well with... I really like Mr Chef but haven't heard from him since before 7, seen him online since but he's unexpectedly got a flatmate so expect it's been quite hectic for him rather than he's just not interested.

I would just like people to be honest!!! I used to be so laidback until I had experienced being lied to etc.

@Bant and @Allthembuckets
Thanks hey! Suffering from esteem issues so I actually miss him, I just miss the fact that someone is fussing over me.

I did say to him
I'll refund him and he sent me his bank details. What a twat