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Original poster

New boyfriend....hmmmm.....

110 replies

CokeZero · 15/05/2017 11:26

Bear with me, I've never posted here before!
I've come out of a very long term relationship (18 years) and have started seeing somebody new. Very early days - couple months in.

Now. I really like him and he's made it clear he feels the same. We've been pretty much inseparable since getting together and I have met friends and some of his family already!! Just how it's panned out.

I'm never usually paranoid (promise). But there's something just not sitting right and I wanted some opinions .... whether I'm being crazy basically....
the main issue is He is VERY secretive with his phone. Now I'm not sure if it's just because I was used to the complete opposite with my old partner .... but it's the usual case of - always turns on silent when with me, never leaves it in a room if he's not in it, phone screen is never visible if reading messages, god forbid if I was to see the screen whilst he was on it!
I don't even want to, but it's the feeling of being secretive that I hate. He is on social media but I am not so can't have a look on there...

However, everything else is perfect.

I am useless at seeing red flags and listening to my gut as been with one person pretty much my whole life! But obviously this is not something I am prepared to bring up with him as such early days! Blush

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 15/05/2017 11:42

If his phone is passworded he's cheating, always.

Shoxfordian · 15/05/2017 11:42

As you've only been dating a couple of months I wouldn't say this is a deal breaker. Is he generally trustworthy? Is he reliable? Does he give you any reason to think he's lying to you? Some people are just private around their phones and you have only been dating a couple of months

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 15/05/2017 11:42

Get a friend to spy on his fb??

MinorRSole · 15/05/2017 11:44

Well calm down, my dh and I both password protect are phones but that's because our dc's are little shits inquisitive

We know each other's passwords though

Secrecy is worrying though

MinorRSole · 15/05/2017 11:45

*our phones

user8384511 · 15/05/2017 11:46

Social media has changed the dating arena hugely since you were last out there. It's a lot to take on board.

He is on social media but I am not so can't have a look on there

You can change that. Anonymously if you wish.

TheQueenSnortsAvocados · 15/05/2017 11:47

My phone has fingerprint security. Does that make me a cheater??

Kursk · 15/05/2017 11:47

Both our phones are password protected. Neither of us cheat. We know each other's passwords

user8384511 · 15/05/2017 11:48

If however you just don't like the way he is behaving, why bother to find out if he's a cheat? If you like open, artless men without any side to them, just find one like that. His behaviour has unsettled you already. I say this after wasting years on the wrong people and squaring it away all the time. Now I have a one-strike-and-you're-out-policy.

QuiteLikely5 · 15/05/2017 11:49

I think it's ridiculous taking your phone whilst leaving the room! Seriously who would do that on a constant basis? He's hiding something - probably worried incase a message flashes up -

Can't you tell him you find it OTT and feel like he is hiding something?

QueenMortificado · 15/05/2017 11:50

If his phone is passworded he's cheating, always.

What utter bollocks

NerrSnerr · 15/05/2017 11:51

'If his phone is passworded he's cheating, always'

What? My phone is passworded and am definitely not cheating. It has a password so if it gets stolen the thieves can't get into it. Surely that's most people's reason?

Chops2016 · 15/05/2017 11:52

If his phone is passworded he's cheating, always

Are you for real? 🙄 what a ridiculous comment.

OP, have you tried just asking him? It's only early days. Better you're blunt and ask now than keep on going and brooding about it for months.

Pinkheart5917 · 15/05/2017 11:52

If his phone is passworded he's cheating, always what? Who doesn't have a password on a phone these days? Confused

Not sure it's a red flag tbh, as you say your last dp was open with his phone so maybe your just comparing the two.

Your haven't been dating long at all and maybe he puts the phone on silent on your dates becuase it's polite, when I was dating before meeting dh I always put mine on silent it's rude imo to have a phone keeping going off.
I've been with dh years and I still take my phone everywhere with me, I'm glued to it.
If dh is next to me I'll read my text/email etc with him there but wouldn't be happy with him learning over my shoulder or such like
My phone is password protected Shock and dh doesn't know the password Shock

You can join social media for a nosey if you want?

You say everything else is perfect and it is very early days so if your happy for now I'd just go with it
OR
Plenty more fish outs there

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/05/2017 11:54

He might just be a private person. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions from this, but at this stage in any relationship I would be prepared for him not to be 100% as he presents himself, most people aren't.

malovitt · 15/05/2017 12:00

My phone is password protected and my husband doesn't know the code. I have a right to privacy.

My friends sometimes send me texts with quite personal details of their lives which are intended to be read by me only.

ItsNachoCheese · 15/05/2017 12:04

Im single atm but even in a relationship i had a password on my phone as its more secure than just swiping to unlock it. I have a fingerprint unlock now as with having a ds it is easier than having to put a code in

mustiwearabra · 15/05/2017 12:07

If his phone is passworded he's cheating, always

Er, no.

Kursk · 15/05/2017 12:15

If it's a work phone, some companies insist its password protected.

debbs77 · 15/05/2017 12:16

The guy I was seeing had his phone constantly in his pocket, and had a password. I only ever saw the screen once when he showed me something. Plus his Facebook was totally locked down and he ignored my friend request.

However, I met his daughter AND his parents who he lived with (part of the reason I ended things!) And there was no cheating! Unnerved me though

MommaGee · 15/05/2017 12:18

Maybe he had a controlling ex?

Barbaro · 15/05/2017 12:20

Frankly you're an idiot it you dont password protect your phone these days especially if you are like most people and use your phone for online banking or shopping.

But it doesn't mean he is cheating. Its early days he maybe just doesn't want to share everything with you so quickly.

user1486956786 · 15/05/2017 12:21

Can't you just casually ask / joke around 'you are on your phone a lot!'

Maybe he's a secret mumsnetter :-)

PizzaPlease · 15/05/2017 12:23

Ask to borrow his phone to make a call or send a text, see how he reacts. Passwords are normal, but if he says no or hovers then you know something else is going on.

MaidenMotherCrone · 15/05/2017 12:23

How did you both meet?