Dirty new partner

[dirtynewpartner]

I met a man almost two months ago. I spent a night at his yesterday and was appalled at the condition he lives in. Clothes on the floor by his bed, dirty dishes in the sink and couldn't walk on the kitchen floor with my socks or bare feet as I could feel stuff on the floor.

He has teenage children that come over the weekend, their rooms are a huge mess! Beddings look like they haven't been washed in months. There are crisp and sweet wrappers under their beds and carpets are littered with food particles.

I don't have OCD or anything but this is just a little much. This is a 42 year old man, am I being too fussy here?
This morning he's been in bed only got up to eat breakfast.

I said could we spend an hour cleaning the house and he got up for five minutes and sat back down then called me a nag!

I used to be a total slob when I lived alone. Having a child was a turning point. I wanted him to grow up in a nice home. So a cleaner comes fortnightly and I keep on top of things. My point is that people CAN change when they feel that they have a reason to.

On the other hand I bloody hate it when people call a woman a nag for making a request or suggestion. It's totally dismissive and designed to shut you up. Very offputting.

He called you a nag! You'd be an utter fool to go back. He's a pig. He CBA'd. And exactly what Radar said. You really need to establish some better boundaries and self-worth if you think this person is worth your time at all. He's not 'lovely', he's a minger who thinks any effort on his part is 'nagging'. You deserve so much more.

Oh and my ex was a slob and it was a major factor in our split. I felt like he didn't care about me and DC cos he made no effort to make his place liveable. Plus I felt like an unpaid skivvy which caused a lot of resentment.

Calling you a nag is the kicker.

Well he may be in for a shock because many cleaners won't do dishes, laundry or tidying. (I did because I'm just fab ) Which seems to be his biggest issues! They come to clean And if there is laundry and litter on the floor the cleaner can't hoover or mop. He'll have to shift all that stuff before the cleaner comes so he might as well do it himself anyway.

That's even more worrying - first night staying over, you offer to clean for him, he calls you a nag, then he offers to get a cleaner so you go back? Neither of you have much self respect do you?!

You'd be a fool to continue with him just because he wants to throw money at the problem

And the other thing, you've only known him two months and he's a 'partner'? He's a sort of boyfriend you've known for the dating equivalent of 5 minutes. It's very worrying that the first time you went to his house he made no effort whatsoever to make it decent and, even worse, you shagged him in a filthy bed. Just . . . get some standards!

I don't think I would have been able to get anywhere near the bed after I'd seen the state of the house, it would have put me right off.
He made no apology for the state of it either, not a good sign, lack of respect for others.

New reality show idea - how clean is your spouse?

Agree with PPs though - you shouldn't have to take this on, and nag comment was horrible. He should be embarrassed!

Everything ExPat said. Boak!

He called you a nag.

He can't look after himself.

Have you no self respect?

Clearly not

My DP was 36 when we met a couple of years ago. His flat was very grim. Relatively tidy but horribly dirty.

I had to clean the toilet seat before I could go to the loo and would never walk around in bare feet.

We now live together....he's not the cleanest creature in the world but has definitely bucked his ideas up and does as much house work as I do. His standards are very low but he's happy to do his share to meet my standards (which are about average, would probably be an issue if I was a clean freak).

So don't necessarily dump him over this one thing...have you asked him about it?

But yes...agree with PP don't clean his house for him!

I cannot imagine being so desperate to not be single that I'd go back to the flat of someone who lived like this for a second time.

And I'm certainly not a clean freak!

How revolting. Hutch up skirts and run. You deserve better than this.

I think it's weird that people would turn down a lovely, respectful, loyal, hard working and decent man because he didn't keep his own flat to their standards.

Out of all the things men can do/be...a bit dirty when living alone isn't really that bad.

So judge all you like...but I'm now almost married to a wonderful man who does his share of housework to make me happy.

Hitch...darn auto thingy. Although it sounds as though my GPigs have a cleaner hutch and more self respect than the Neanderthal you refer to.

Kitten

I'm not exactly the tidiest of people, but I know that if we're going to have company then I tidy up.

The fact that he didn't, and he then called you a nag, is a little difficult to accept after just 2 months

That's disgusting stumbly. I feel really sorry for you for having set the bar so low

Stumbly it doesn't sound like your man had a bad attitude though, OP's guy made no apology or felt any embarrassment for the shit hole. How did your man react when you pulled him up on it?

Read the thread again stumbly they're advising OP to finish it because of his attitude to her.

And this man isn't living alone. He is having his kids in that hovel.

Tbh, I don't think his "nag" comment is inexcusable.

People do have different standards of cleanliness/tidiness. He may have felt embarassed that a guest offered to clean his house...