Dirty new partner

[dirtynewpartner]

I met a man almost two months ago. I spent a night at his yesterday and was appalled at the condition he lives in. Clothes on the floor by his bed, dirty dishes in the sink and couldn't walk on the kitchen floor with my socks or bare feet as I could feel stuff on the floor.

He has teenage children that come over the weekend, their rooms are a huge mess! Beddings look like they haven't been washed in months. There are crisp and sweet wrappers under their beds and carpets are littered with food particles.

I don't have OCD or anything but this is just a little much. This is a 42 year old man, am I being too fussy here?
This morning he's been in bed only got up to eat breakfast.

I said could we spend an hour cleaning the house and he got up for five minutes and sat back down then called me a nag!

OK my bedroom is a bit of a tip, thees nota lot of clutter in there but it does see a vacuum cleaner once a week its all wooden floors and yes some clothes do get strewn on the floor bu they do get washed and I get showered and clean clothes every day.

Daughters rooms are a grade one tip but they to get sorted around once a week or so but as young adults they are a work a lot of the time but are clean and washed.

Its not as organized as it might be but its a home and a happy home to dad and DD's.

That's disgusting, I'd get out while you can.

To look at from the boyfriend's perspective, he invites a new girlfriend to stay over and she criticises the state of his teenagers bedroom, and tries to organise a cleaning rots.

If I woman posted this about a man he'd be called all types of cunt.

This is who he is and he has no intention of changing - hence the "nag" comment.

I wouldn't bother TBH OP. This relationship is going to be more trouble than it's worth. Two months in and you must realise the life of drudgery you have ahead of you if you were to become more serious.

Get out now. At least he is too lazy to hide his real self and put on a false front as so many men do.

Did you have to DTD in mingling stinking bed sheets? 😱

I'm not sure I'd have got that far, I'd have made my excuses and gone home. If you really like him the so long as he himself is clean and fresh, carry on seeing him but refuse to go to his house or to let him move into yours.

he knew you were coming and made no effort to clean up? not even the clothes on the floor..
and he called you a nag?

yes definitely red flags... don't get too attached to this one

He's the wrong kind of dirty!

Run for the hills, it ain't gonna get better!

I'm home walking barefoot on my uncrusted floors. Said goodbye without a kiss and got a ghostly stare.

Me and his ex girlfriend who he was engaged to have a mutual friend. She spoke to her and asked why they broke up and said it was because he preferred spending days sprawled on the bed and then the pub.
Tsk shame shame
@ohtheholidays you got me there. Was in an abusive marriage felt good to have someone just be nice for a change!

He showers everyday. Clothes are clean, just the house really.

ImperialBlether Why don't you just go and clean it instead of MNetting, then, LizTaylor? Serious question!

Because I already have a load of washing in the machine, and washing up 2 cereal bowls can wait for the lunch stuff - not worth filling the sink. The cat litter gets swept a couple of times a day but she s a bugger for kicking it out. Why on earth should I prioritise keeping my house pristine over my leisure time?

@LizTaylorsFabulousTurban
Funny coz that's exactly what he said.
He works hard all week gets home by 9pm and picks his kids up Friday so he doesn't want to spend his down time cleaning up.

You've dodged a bullet there, OP!

I understand about having a previous abusive relationship. Don't let it make you accept crumbs later on though.

Don't let it make you accept crumbs later on though.

Unless you want to clean them up yourself.

Seriously though, he's not abusive for having different standards of house-keeping to you.

He should get a cleaner.

Unless you want to clean them up yourself

But some crumbs on the kitchen floor, clothes on the bedroom floor, and dishes in the sink is hardly a sign of a slattern surely? If he has such few hours at home, then has he considered a cleaner? A couple of hours mid week does the bathroom, all floors, dusting, and sheets changed. We hoover a couple of time between that. But what I am trying to say is that it doesn't change the snapshot of my house right now.

Yuck.

Please tell me you've ditched him? You're not that desperate for a shag, surely?

He can choose to clean but you can't hide sanctimonious snobbery!

Jesus wept! I'd have turned around and walked out, not shagged him in his minging bed. That you even accepted this, much less offering to clean his dirty house and being called a nag speaks volumes about your boundaries. Please stop dating until you do the Freedom Programme at the least.

Bin this guy. He's a lazy minger.

Have a friend like this. It hasn't improved

Update
He said he will hire a cleaner and really wants me to go back.

After he called you a nag? Like you would even want to go back to him. Would you?

Look around you when you are over at his place.

Now fast forward a few years.... yup it's your home.

So he's going to get another woman to clean up his shit. Nice.

I married a slob. I bitterly regret it. It's a constant source of tension. A cleaner will make things sanitary but not tidy. He sounds beyond gross. Honestly you deserve to live in a clean house. He will think he's made a huge effort by hiring a cleaner and do even less tidying. Anything you say will get thrown back in your face as "how can you still not be happy - I hired a cleaner for you!". His kids are pigs. They will always be pigs. Run.