Dirty new partner

[dirtynewpartner]

I met a man almost two months ago. I spent a night at his yesterday and was appalled at the condition he lives in. Clothes on the floor by his bed, dirty dishes in the sink and couldn't walk on the kitchen floor with my socks or bare feet as I could feel stuff on the floor.

He has teenage children that come over the weekend, their rooms are a huge mess! Beddings look like they haven't been washed in months. There are crisp and sweet wrappers under their beds and carpets are littered with food particles.

I don't have OCD or anything but this is just a little much. This is a 42 year old man, am I being too fussy here?
This morning he's been in bed only got up to eat breakfast.

I said could we spend an hour cleaning the house and he got up for five minutes and sat back down then called me a nag!

Some of you are a little harsh on here.

I wouldn't have stayed...god alone knows how long ago the sheets were changed & who else he's had in them.

Then you offered to help him clean the house and he called you a nag. Your standards are lower than a snakes belly if you think he's lovely.

He'd be history.

In what way Heart?

It's not so much the state of the house, is it?

It's the fact that you added that he'd only just got up to eat breakfast. So you clearly see his laziness already and it upsets you (otherwise, why mention it? Were you hoping to do something with him today and he annoyed you by being content to lie in all day?). So, he doesn't do housework and he'd rather lie in bed that get up...

That's who he is, and that's what he does. Put up with it or dump him.

Yes a little harsh!!! Off with him then. I quit dating😡

He's calling you a nag this early on ? That would be it for me. It's a convienient way for man to try and shut up a woman

The first few months of a new relationship are supposed to be fun, exciting and uncomplicated .....

.......not spent cleaning some lazy fecker's dirty home!

OP I think you need a little work on your boundaries/standards and assertiveness.

Run. Run away. I had this, I thought he'd just been in his own too long and would change. Seven years I've been cleaning up after the filthy slob now, he hasn't changed at all. Don't be a mug like me.

Well I'm glad at least that he didn't let you clean his house for him. That would set up a very unpleasant dynamic. You're not his Mum. He's an adult. This is him fully formed, take it or leave it.

I'd leave it...

Leave. Would you want a future in this mess?

It's his poor children I feel sorry for,I wonder if they're Mother knows what a shit hole they have to stay in when they're with they're Father!?

I'd run as fast as you can away from this relationship.

My ex Husband lived like this when I started dating him and then I went and married him and I started looking after him and it didn't stop for 9 years.

He was one of the worst things that ever happened to me,he was abusive,lazy and fucking vile in the end but I did have an excuse I was escaping my abusive parents and I was only 16 when we started dating!

Honestly OP if your not trying to escape something awful and your not a child then step away from this man now whilst you can,you don't want to be coming on here a few years down the line asking for help to get away from a manchild!

his poor kids can clean their own room if they are teenagers.. maybe he should nag them more but at the end of the day they are old enough. I don't think you should have been snooping in their rooms either, totally overstepping the boundaries in my opinion.

However him calling you a nag wasn't nice at all but maybe you touched a nerve by criticising his home. Leave him if he's too lazy for you and you think his negative attitude will continue.

Clothes on the floor and dishes in the sink doesn't make a house a shithole.

Blimey. You would hate my house.

My sink has the breakfast dishes in and there is a pile of dirty clothes on my bedroom floor waiting to be washed. In the morning the kitchen floor also has bits of litter on it so we wear slippers before sweeping it.

Not even going to go there with the teenagers rooms.

You know that thread currently running where people are sharing the red flags they ignored..?

These are red flags.

Untidiness is one thing, but dirty should be a dealbreaker. Calling you a nag/using misogynistic language should be another.

Highalert

Clothes on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink are not that bad?

Yes they are. Particularly when you have a newish partner coming over.

Why don't you just go and clean it instead of MNetting, then, LizTaylor? Serious question!

If a new boyfriend stayed over at mine and then requested we spend the morning cleaning up, I'd tell him to get bent.

If a guest criticised the state of my house and then suggested we clean it together, they would not be invited back.

Oh God, if anyone called me a nag I'd be off like a rocket. Wouldn't look back. I hate it when people get labelled nags over something like that. You asked one time and he got defensive because he knows he's living in a pig sty and doesn't like the fact you raised it, hence calling you a nag. Bye bye.

Yes me too,yellow.

If a guest criticised the state of my house and then suggested we clean it together, they would not be invited back.

Same. But my floor wouldn't be crusty...

Run!