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Original poster

Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

999 replies

backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:00

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

OP posts:
alphajuliet123 · 12/05/2017 16:29

He should be home now if he cancelled his o/t and finished at 3.

Hopefully he and backscratcher are at home having a good laugh at the misunderstanding, while getting ready to go out to sisters birthday do together.

Confused

.

GreenHairDontCare · 12/05/2017 16:31

I'd call the Premier Inn just for peace of mind, and then just do watchful waiting to see if there's anything else that piques your suspicions.

TBH if I ever got to the point I was this suspicious it would be over for the good of my own MH.

TroysMammy · 12/05/2017 16:33

I don't know of any Davids that are called or referred to as David. They are almost always called Dave, Davy or Dai.

BillyButtfuck · 12/05/2017 16:35

I hope you're okay OP

blackcherries · 12/05/2017 16:36

I know plenty of Davids who call themselves that and I also know straight men who aren't afraid to openly like cocktails... It's not really got anything to do with how much the OP should suspect the worst though...
All this game playing hasn't really helped.

mmmchocolatex · 12/05/2017 16:39

Hope it all goes okay Flowers

blueskyinmarch · 12/05/2017 16:40

My DH is called David. He is know as..David. I don’t think that is unusual at all.

Jimcanna · 12/05/2017 16:42

I don't know of any Davids that are called or referred to as David. They are almost always called Dave, Davy or Dai

What does that even mean in relation to this thread?

This threads gone a bit fucking bonkers.

Karanka · 12/05/2017 16:43

I don't know of any Davids that are called or referred to as David. They are almost always called Dave, Davy or Dai.

Every single David I know is referred to as David. That really is overreaching.

6079SmithW · 12/05/2017 16:43

I think you should tread very carefully OP.

You have described what a good man your DP is, and what a good relationship you have. Don't put that in danger because of (so far) unfounded suspicions based on one text which thee could be any number of explanations for.

It's obvious you've been very hurt in the past, and understandably you are sensitive to potential indicators that the situation may recur, but your DP is not your ex, and this is not the same relationship.
The problem with jumping to any conclusion (e.g. he's cheating) is that you will always be able to find comments/actions which (though in reality may be entirely unconnected) fit your theory.
Sit down and have an honest appraisal of your relationship. How have things been recently? Has anything changed? Are there any other instances of unexplained/unusual behaviour? Then an open conversation with your DP. Don't mention the text. Just talk about you and him and your relationship. I'm sure you'll get a much better understanding of what is going on that way rather than hanging about a Premier Inn on a random night (and missing your sister's birthday to boot!)

inlectorecumbit · 12/05/2017 16:45

My DH is David.. His DM would be spinning in her grave if anyone dared to call him anything else Grin

Original poster
backscratcher · 12/05/2017 16:46

I've just finished work and am about to head home now. I'll read through the messages then and reply to any questions etc that I've missed.

Someone asked if I usually stay overnight. No. My sister lives only about 15 mins away by car, but we thought we'd make a 'night of it' for her birthday (a significant one) as my kid and her kids are with their dad/in laws and two of her other closest friends are staying over too.

There is no need for him to think I would disapprove of him meeting friends. Even if he was blowing out my sister's birthday to do so. He would always tell me if he was going out for a drink. He wouldn't have just 'forgotten' to tell me or think he didn't have to tell me. It's just something we've always done - said 'oh by the way, I'm seeing so and so tomorrow' etc. It's never been an issue.

He's a Guinness or a Jack Daniels man. Definitely not French martinis.
I'm going home now and I'm going to phone him and speak to him.
I will tell him what I saw on the phone.

Thank you for all your messages.

OP posts:
m4rdybum · 12/05/2017 16:47

My DH absolutely loves mojito cocktails, so it's not unusual for a straight man to like them...

I don't think anyone should can say 100% that he is cheating, but the text itself seems a bit strange and if it were me, I'd know I would need to get clarification of what was going down. Because I admit I can be a little jealous.

Whatever method you choose, you need to address this and not let it fester - because you'll always be second guessing yourself, and him.

(Please don't start putting tracking devices and recorders all over the place - that's just too far!)

3luckystars · 12/05/2017 16:49

Good luck.

Reow · 12/05/2017 16:54

Good luck OP Flowers

stayathomegardener · 12/05/2017 16:54

Don't ring him.
You need to do this face to face.

littleredpear · 12/05/2017 16:54

Good luck. I've been you.

If it's bad news, think of what your next move is.

Don't let him come home x

confusedat23 · 12/05/2017 16:54

Good luck OP ❤

Hidingtonothing · 12/05/2017 16:55

OP would you not feel more sure of his responses if you had that conversation face to face?

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 12/05/2017 16:55

I hope he explains and it's an innocent mistake backscratcher. Flowers

sexymommy · 12/05/2017 16:56

Good luck keep ur cool and i no it will out in the end as I said previously don't let this be blown out of proportion there's a simple explanation and Ul be fine

TheMaddHugger · 12/05/2017 16:56

Good Luck OP

Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...
BIWI · 12/05/2017 16:57

I hope it turns out to be an innocent misunderstanding, backscratcher, and you can go on and enjoy your evening Flowers

innagazing · 12/05/2017 17:00

Kara
There's quite a lot of circumstantial evidence though isn't there?
eg.
He doesn't usually do any overtime.
He's not going to the planned family meal, where op is staying overnight.
A text came through from ,'David' - op doesn't know of a David that her DH knows.
said text referenced 'french martinis' which is a sexually intimate act, not a drink.
That the meeting place is 40 minutes away. And has a hotel attached.
That DH hasn't mentioned it at all.

Personally, I think that adds up to at least five, and worthy of being very suspicious, even in the best of relationships.

KnockedOutByMyNungaNungas · 12/05/2017 17:00

Really hope it's all innocent OP. You're v brave Flowers