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Original poster

Is a very short affair with no consequences possible?

127 replies

MelGee · 07/05/2017 22:57

What would be the consequences of a very brief affair with someone who you had no connection with, no mutual friends and live far away from? Could it be done without consequence or am I living in cloud-cuckoo land?

OP posts:
ProfessorPickles · 07/05/2017 22:58

Why on earth would you want to?

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/05/2017 22:58

The latter.

Even if you got away with it and no one else found out, you'd always know and if you're a decent person you'd feel like crap about it forever.

Original poster
MelGee · 07/05/2017 22:59

Because I am very attracted to him and he to me. We are both aware that it wouldn't be anything other than a brief fling

OP posts:
Moanyoldcow · 07/05/2017 23:00

The consequences? Well, if you were the party being unfaithful, provided you used contraception and had no conscience there would unlikely be any.

It's a despicable thing to do though.

Desperateforsleepzzzz · 07/05/2017 23:01

If you can live with the guilt then sure but it's a pretty shitty thing to do and plan , your poor DH.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 07/05/2017 23:02

Ok, I'll bite because mod is on & I'm bored...
There will always be consequences to an affair, doesn't matter how unconnected you may seem, these things have an odd way of coming out.
Who is married, you/him/her/both/all? Whatever, someone is going to get hurt-don't be that cunt.

ProfessorPickles · 07/05/2017 23:02

I think you're disgusting, you clearly have no respect for you partner what so ever

Garlicansapphire · 07/05/2017 23:03

If you're in relationships with other people you have to be prepared to be found out and lose them for good. If you don't care you shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place. And remember you will cause harm and hurt and feel horrible.

Turn the tables - how would you feel if it was done to you?

It's not kind. And kind is good.

Wolfiefan · 07/05/2017 23:03

Ask your partner. I'm guessing they would think it wasn't ok. Hmm

Smeaton · 07/05/2017 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShakingAndShocked · 07/05/2017 23:03

Nope, it's not.

HTH?

Here's a thought, focus on the relationship you have and avoid treating your OH like shit and then, if it doesn't work out, feel free to fuck whoever you want with no consequences...

WellErrr · 07/05/2017 23:04

If you were a decent person then yes, the consequences would be feelings of crippling guilt.

But if you're just asking 'could I get away with it' then that's different.

LucyLocketLostIt · 07/05/2017 23:06

I expect it's possible. It doesn't make you a nice person though.

PandoraMole · 07/05/2017 23:07

Whatever, someone is going to get hurt-don't be that cunt

This...with bells on.

Think about the consequences - do you really need that kind of aggro in your life for the sake of what you appear to be describing as a meaningless fling?

Original poster
MelGee · 07/05/2017 23:07

No, not asking if I could get away with it, I know I could. I am asking what it would be like afterwards, what the consequences for my marriage and my relationship with myself would be like. I guess I got the answer.

I'm not a terrible person, honestly I am not. I am stupid and easily flattered and a bit lonely but not terrible, otherwise I think I would have already gone to bed with this man.

OP posts:
VelvetSparkles · 07/05/2017 23:08

It's possible.
It's also possible you would be found out.
Your behaviour Before...During...After...

You have no connection with this person and you want to have sex with them? That's most likely going to be hollow and awfully unsatisfying. You'd risk your relationship for a fling which by your own admission is just going to brief (and probably meaningless).

If an empty fuck is your poison, sure...give it a whirl - maybe it will be worth the world of hurt you could cause your significant other AND yourself.

Desperateforsleepzzzz · 07/05/2017 23:10

If your that unhappy leave DH then go to bed with whoever you want. The consequences could be endless

PaintingByNumbers · 07/05/2017 23:11

you may have to deal with the guilt and it may be a barrier between you and your partner that further corrodes your relationship. in order to cope, you may transform how you see your partner, needing to rewrite history so you were unhappy/they didnt satisfy you/it was their fault really. again, this may corrode your relationship. you may hate yourself and become depressed and anxious.
actions are not usually without consequence

Bobbins43 · 07/05/2017 23:13

The consequences afterwards can be whatever you want them to be. Do you think you'll be guilt ridden? Or that you'll be able to enjoy it for what it was?

As long as your husband doesn't find out and you're careful and you think you can deal with it afterwards, go for it.

squirreltrap · 07/05/2017 23:13

People get away with it all the time

Would make you a certain type of person (liar) but if you're cool with that, fill yer boots

DoryDingDong · 07/05/2017 23:15

Mumsnetters are obvs not a representative sample of the general population.
I'm sure statistics would say people do this a lot, and continue on as before. In fact I'd say around 50% of people I work with. Some people seem to be able to completely detach sex from love and respect and if you're one of those people then you will feel no guilt, but if you're not one of those people then the guilt and shame will eat at you forever.

Voice0fReason · 07/05/2017 23:17

How can you decide in advance that there will be no consequences?
Of course there will be consequences!

Designerenvy · 07/05/2017 23:18

No !

babycow38 · 07/05/2017 23:19

Go ahead it you want to, but you can't get away from the consequences, my tpatnnter id and left a lifetime of them, damaged children, a life partner who wasn't there for him anymore because of the sheer hurt

Original poster
MelGee · 07/05/2017 23:26

Think I just wanted some sense talking into me

OP posts:
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