Is a very short affair with no consequences possible?

[MelGee]

What would be the consequences of a very brief affair with someone who you had no connection with, no mutual friends and live far away from? Could it be done without consequence or am I living in cloud-cuckoo land?

I read on here often that trust goes quickly and the person having the affair is often the worst culprit for accusing their partner of cheating because they themselves have. Do you think you could deal with the secrecy of knowing what you've done and not getting caught when your mind could be saying of you can get away with it then maybe your husband is doing the same to you? Aside from being a nasty thing to do to someone else, that is.

Ugh

There are always consequences.

What about self respect? Respect for your OH? Your relationship? Do you have children?

Yes, I'm sure many people do these things.

But I don't think it's advisable.

It's possible but unlikely. But MN is not the place for affair validation despite the fact that affairs are very common, women included!

Anything's possible, but even though you say a fling, as many others do in your situation, you could find yourself really enjoying the continued ego stroking that comes with it and then arrange for another hook up... and then another and... another.... and another... You get my drift.

Then pretty soon you develop feelings, that can cause you to pull away emotionally from your partner /spouse ... You start mentally comparing your OM to your DP/DH who has no idea he's in a competition with another man.

Many women think they can detach love from sex... Sure... A prostitute/escort can... But the vast majority of women struggle with it.

While with your OH in comes the fantasising and thinking about your OM. The betrayed spouses do pick up on this change in character and sneaky behaviour.

Your relationship then suffers and your OH could decide he deserves better than this, these are the consequences.

Now if you think you would be worthy of an Oscar performance, by acting your usual self while betraying your OH to avoid suspicion, that's your call ... But how will you feel afterwards? Living with the guilt of your actions?

Is this who you are deep down? I suspect not otherwise you wouldn't be posting here.

I've learned over time, that as long as another person knows what you did, you can never guarantee it not coming out. The other person being the OM in your case

Even if nobody ever finds out, there's actually nothing worse than the feeling of you yourself knowing you did a terrible thing.

If you are the kind of person who could have an affair and proceed with business as usual in your relationship, then you probably won't face any consequences.

I just found out that DP's friend is cheating on his wife. I feel really sad for her, not just because her H is a sexually incontinent scumbag but because she has made jokey comments about him potentially having an affair, so the seed has been sown in her mind already somehow.

I'm sure he thinks he's being very discreet but apparently something in his behaviour has changed because she suspects something, despite the OW not being linked in any way.

She will be driving herself mad second guessing what he tells her, listening to his bullshit excuses knowing in her heart that he's lying but trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because she loves him.

It's utter shit OP. The sex is the least of it, it's the lying, the minuscule changes which will be perceptible to someone who loves you and the fact that regardless of who knows about it, you will spend your life pitying your partner for not knowing who he's really married to.

Do it and find out lol

Why do you have to ask?

Why is it not obvious that betraying the person who has given you their trust is pretty horrible?

Don't ask what are the consequences.

Ask why kind of person you are choosing to become by contemplating this.

And the 'I know I could get away with it'. Sounds arrogant and mean.

IMO it all boils down to respect and mutual trust

A friend of mine destroyed her marriage with her affair. After the divorce she met another adulterer and they moved in together. She really doesnt trust him because she knows what he got up to (same as her). she's very unhappy. None of her new circle like her partner but they bought a house together. They are trapped in snappy accusations and mistrust. Her XH adored her.

Another friend had a couple of quick affairs. She thought she got away with it but if affected how she behaved with her partner. He felt shut out. In the end he left her for another woman.

I know this wont happen to everyone but be careful what you wish for.

I would say it would be, theoretically.

I wouldn't be comfortable with myself if I did. I loathe liars and cheaters, I wouldn't want to be someone I loathe.

Most obvious consequence is you'll get found out
No matter how far away it is etc
Guilt might make you admit it, or the other party, then word gets round
Etc etc.
Even if you don't have any guilt you risk being found out

Or it might shatter your world and become your next marriage. Is that part of the appeal perhaps?

ooh get you u know u can gt away with it

dont be so cocky-theres always a way it gets out

I'm not doing it. I came on here to re-enforce that. Can't say I am not really flattered and really, really tempted.

Still don't know how it would get out. Only he and I know that we even know one another. Aware that's not the issue but he wouldn't tell and nor would I

Why are you lonely in your current relationship? People on here will automatically put you down as the bad guy for considering an affair without any real insight to your relationship. Maybe you have a valid reason to have one, I don't know, maybe you don't.

Okay so you never text or send emails or phone calls? There would be no hotel bills or odd expenses. No trail whatsoever.

Are you a secret agent?

You won't be the person you tell yourself you are. You'll be dishonest, a cheat, a person of low morals. Even if no one catches you, you will know.

Besides you can't know you wouldn't be caught.

Someone might see you.
What if you catch something or get pregnant?
How can you trust the survival of your marriage to the kind of person prepared to sleep with a married woman? What if he gets angry with you and tells?
What if he blackmails you?
What if one of you falls in love?

Don't do it. Your poor husband.

I found out my Ex was cheating. Neither of them told anyone. Not a soul.

I still found out and I won't say how. It's very possible. Everything leaves a trace.

I also had a feeling things were off, it was AWFUL. I just felt... shut out? When friends asked I would say I felt so lonely, 'as if DH is having an affair...' That was months before I realized her was.

Tell your OH you are tempted to have an affair. See what those consequences are. There's a real person in front of you with feelings. You don't sound like someone I'd ever want to be with.

She isn't talking about having an affair!
She is talking about having sex (once)
Massive difference
And people do it all the time and no one ever finds out or gets hurt.
It is possible

You lot are so dramatic, watching waaaaaay to many tv dramas!

so youre not going to do it u never were youre just "asking"

ok then

No, I just have self respect and respect for others.

I want to do it, I won't lie. Haven't wanted anything as much in a very long time.