Is anyone awake? I think I was just raped

[AskingForIt]

I'm in shock. I don't know what to do. My friends are sleeping

I believe you.

I'm so sorry that even now some police officers are just ante-deluvian in their beliefs.

I'm appalled that the police have made you doubt the meaning of consent

OP whatever the police said, you know you didn't consent and HE knows you didn't consent. Forget the police for just now. Forget what they said for just now.

The important thing is that you know what happened and that there's no need to doubt it. You already have confirmation that you're right from the only other person there!

Thank you everyone for all the support. You really are keeping me going. I think I will try to write it all down, as hard as that will be.

And very good point that the person on question has himself confirmed that he raped me

No one ever answers the phone. Trying so hard to hold it together but I'm really struggling

Thinking of you OP.

Big hugs OP, your doing so well, this is not your fault at all, the officer is an arse and i hope you can find the strength to try and speak to a different one

I don't know what to advise if nobody is answering as I don't know about these things. But take it easy on yourself and keep going.

You have it in you to get through this. You've done this before. It's hard (ok, that's an understatement!!) but you are going to get through this. And there's lots of us here offering you a virtual hand to hold whenever you want.

It's just appalling how overstretched services are now, but you're doing the right thing keeping on trying.

Most parts of the country have a women's centre. I think it might be a good idea to Google your local one and then go there in person and tell them everything. Tell them you need support, even just someone to go down to the local police station with you and a copy of your legal rights and their legal duty to you.

I know it's hard Asking but please do keep trying.

The survivors trust have a list of sexual assault centres - thesurvivorstrust.org/sarc/

Each centre has their own helpline. x

Thank you for all the hand holding and advice. I'm so grateful. I had a quick conversation with rape crisis. She said she was angry on my behalf and confirmed that the police response was wrong. You do need consent for each sexual act. I've left a message for the police officer to call me back...

Well done OP for keeping at this. If you don't hear back from this particular PO then please call again and ask to speak to his superior. You have been wrongly fobbed off and the critical time for collecting evidence for a crime has been wilfully missed by this person.

Good for you OP I hope you get some help this time

Glad you got through to someone op. I know you probably don't feel like it right now, but you are Incredibly brave and strong.

Thank you everyone. You are right, I don't feel brave or strong. I feel exhausted and like curling up in a ball. And pretending it never happened is the most appealing option right now.

Asking I've just read through the whole thread & fully agree with all the supportive comments & practical advice that's been posted.
I'm impressed at your strength in handling this awful experience; you are not to blame in any way whatsoever in this or any previous experience, there is nothing wrong with you, and you are going to survive this trauma & come out stronger at the end.
With warmest wishes,

(Of course you feel tired, your mind & body have experienced a severe trauma, you need to be kind to yourself & allow yourself to recover, gently. But don't pretend, this is the time for honesty, its time to keep on the path you're travelling. You can do it, you really can)

If you feel like curling up into a ball then do so. What ever you need to help you get through these next few days/hours/minutes/seconds

Thank you. I'm so grateful I really am. If I have the mental energy I will try calling rape crisis again when the children are in bed.

You're doing so well, Asking, no wonder you want to crash and curl up. I think we're all pretty angry on your behalf.

Do you have any RL support? Anyone you trust to be there with you if/when you need someone? MN's full of good people, but sometimes a real hand to hold is a good idea.

Hey lovely,
How are you getting on? I'm not sure what help or advice I could offer, but I'm in Hertfordshire if you are and need a cuppa tea and someone to stand with you.

Rape isn't just being held down or dragged into a bush, rape is sex without consent. If the man in question wasn't sure if he had consent because you were participating in other sexual activities he should have asked and then he would have been sure.
Sex may have been a natural progression from what you were doing in most circumstances, however you had already said no, and as I said if he wasn't sure because of this conversation then he should have asked - he didn't, therefore he rapped you!

Him talking about killing himself is manipulation, if he decides to kill himself that's his choice, just as it was his choice to rape you.

You are not being treated right.
Have you got anyone in RL with you that can support you at all?
You mentioned children, are they yours? Have you got a mum / sister / friend who could come and help you look after them while your head is where it is.

You having previously been through this has no bearing on this case. It's VERY common for abused women and children to go on to get re abused as they are vulnerable, and predators know and seek this!

I know you don't feel strong but you are.
You are amazing. Change your horrible user name, it's an insult to yourself, other rape victims and all women actually. Know one asks to be rapped. Men rape because they choose to, not because a women drunk too much, wore sexy clothing, participated in other sexual acts, brushed their teeth that day😡 men rape because they want to and that's it end of.

I hope this vile scumbag gets the punishment he deserves. How long before he decides to get carried away again I wonder!

For you, I hope you get the justice you deserve and I hope that you can be offered some counselling to deal with it and to get your self esteem back up to where it should be. YOU DID NOT ASK FOR THIS

whatthe, hang on a second. They had discussed before hand how far OP was happy to go. It was made explicit during hay conversation that categorical OP did not want sex.

I think if you've had a conversation before starting sexual activity with someone where they have stated that they don't want to have intercourse then it's clear they don't want intercourse.
If you think the signals are telling you otherwise, then you ask.
If there hadn't been a prior conversation I would still expect someone to ask whether I am happy to be penetrated without a condom, rather than just going ahead.
I don't think it's an unreasonable or unlikely expectation.

I just wanted to say that I support you OP. Well done for having the strength to see this through.