Dating Thread 117 - summer loving!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Those murals Info do my head in.
My in-laws [actually my out-laws now!] seem to love them.
I have one that I got as a presents relatively recently.
I sort of feel obliged to display it for now.
I suppose I could just 'file' it in my bedroom away from view.

I would love to be able to manage without a car but that ain't gonna happen anytime soon.
I dislike it on OLD when blokes want to "take you and your children on and look after you all as I so love children"
OKay so the children have a father and I am a grown up who has managed without you so far in my life.
Ruby So why are you single?
I am single and relatively content; so much better than being married and mainly miserable!

Just seen a profile with the headline 'take me as I am or not at all'.

Ooh, I'll go for the not at all option please.

What really puts me off a man is when their profile 'blurb' is very obviously a cut and paste of really deep and meaning full bull-shit.

Another dislike is:
"I am new on here and don't know what to say so will fill in later"

I dislike
Fishy pictures
Food on plate pictures
Bathroom selfies.
Bedroom selfies.
Pictures of the children and or grandchildren.
Poorly cropped photos, taken on the man's wedding day.

I suppose worse again is absolutely no photograph.

Been on OLD so long now that I just am at a total loss as to how to proceed. I buy the local paper and sometimes read the personal dating section. I have never replied, I suppose I should.

I would really like to meet a real life person, like in the good old days.
My good mate talked about her single male friend for absolutely months if not a whole year. It ends up he only lives a few streets away from me. After work one evening I bumped into her. She then introduced me to this guy as he got off his scooter [not the push-along type!] I somehow sussed who this guy was and laughed nervously. The conversation between the three of us lasted nano-seconds and he was gone. I have seen him since and have smiled...my mate has given up now.

Wingletang1 sorry it turned out that way. You did well to challenge him when you did and get an answer.

I am put off by men who claim they want to treat me right, love me like i should be loved and take care of me and my children.
I thought most people would like that, im glad im not the only one who is put off by it.

It also puts me off when a man invests fully into me before we have even met. I feel so much pressure and it just makes me think theyre clingy. They probably are

Some of the headlines on POF are pretty laughable;
'Hello, is it me your looking for?'
'looking for a genuine woman?'
'Looking for my Queen'
'Here I am, look no further'

I hate the profiles that say 'genuine man looking for his princess, I know how to treat a lady........'

It's actually quite hard to find a profile that I like, there are a few but I'm sure a lot of them are fake.

I once asked an iron what does he like to do in his spare time... his response was 'that's where you come in'. He had no friends, social life, hobbies etc.

I found it very unnerving. He also commented that I seemed to go out with friends a lot and how that would change when we were together as I wouldn't need them.

Major red flag. I declined the date and got messages for weeks saying I'd led him on, tell him what he'd done wrong. We were only messaging for a couple of days.

This will probably out me as i still dine on the story. The best was a coffee date who after I said hello and introduced myself asked if I did anal. He then said I was rude when I left.

It certainly gives you a thicker skin, and even if I don't meet 'the one' it's given me a much clearer picture of what definitely isn't the one.

And [Wingletang] use him as a yard stick, take enough time to get your feelings together but don't let him impact your confidence and trust going forward. You're the prize xx

That coffee date story, uhmagurd. No way that's just vile!!!

@Chucklecheeksagain - good lord! Was there no preamble at all?

Haha well lettuce I just won't settle for a shit relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. Im lucky enough to have a great life with amazing family and friends so until the right person comes along then I'll happily remain single. Of course, I want to meet someone but not someone who isn't right for me. Life is too short for that!
I think my answer will be "I'm fussy" from now on though as it's difficult to explain all that to someone who you've only exchanged a "hello" with.

I do have a list too actually, certainly someone who has a job, independent, (semi) intellligent at least, funny, normal!!! I have had some very strange people message me ... normal isn't much to ask for is it?!

Chuckle let's blame OKC for that. Once my 3 months are up I am going to need the biggest shower ever

I'd not seen those murals, Info. D'you reckon they do a Bowie Is God one I can stand in front of?

I seen IRL dude today and failed again! I spoke to him a bit more comfortably but couldnt bring myself to ask the coffee question. Argh i frustrate myself

No pre amble, straight in there. I was quite proud of myself for simply getting up and leaving. A year ago I would of stayed out of politeness.

Onwards and upwards.,

Nipples is there any chance of bumping into him at a time when you are plausibly about to go for a coffee? In which case you could say "I'm just on my way to X for a coffee would you like to join me?" which might be easier.

Polar - are you able to back off a little? Honestly he sounds lovely from what you've said but maybe he's just wary of showing too much too soon? As you know I've been back and forth over this these past few weeks and am really trying to keep a little of myself back because everything seems just so right when I'm with him. There have been a couple of times when I've nearly dropped the whole thing because I'm a bit overwhelmed with the speed he's managed to knock me off my feet, so to speak, but I've found reminding myself that I made the choice to put myself out there and to just go with the flow, let the chips fall where they will, has helped me.

Thank you those who have offered me advise. Yep - I'll back off a bit and try and relax!

Wingletang I am so sorry, such a low-life

We [male & female] are the prize.
If no-one qualifies for the first rounds of the competition[of on-line dating] then we will just get on with the rest of our lives.

Life is good, it might never involve another long term relationship for me. So I will go with that. I am planning my first ever solo holiday.

My oldest used to tell me that I did not need "a man". I believe it was a reaction to his father being re-married with more children. He wanted to know at the time that I was there for them without another person "needing me". He now asks how online dating is going and finds it all interesting.
I have not ever introduced anyone to them.
If that ever happens the man would have to be more super than Superman.

I have a thick skin however I do like to protect my children, I am sure others feel something similar.
I do hope that the sunshine brings out the good natures of potential dates. Happy Monday.

Feel better for sending the message. I'm normally good at spotting a player that's the worrying thing. I'll see him around as we live so close and know some of the same people. Has made me wary though!
But I'm back on it, going to take my time now though!

Had another good date with Mr Bike and more planned. We're exclusive, but not talking further than that. I'm going between excitement as I like him and fear of liking him too much and being hurt. DoIdontI what you said at the end of see where the chips fall is what I should do too and stop over analysing

Ruby I agree with the idea of wanting to date someone 'normal' but are we really looking for someone who has differences that align to our own? So none of us are normal? I say this because Mr Bike has a tendency to speak quite directly and think after and I can do the same. I like it as my big drippy victim exH was a manipulative liar, but I don't think it would suit everyone. So should the lists include 'normal to my normal'?

Chuckle of course asking for anal sex as a first question will surely will be no one's normal, good on you for getting right away

I laugh about it now and it's a great story for when breaking the ice with a first date.

Chuckle that's a great that you have turned a negative into a positive and if a future date doesn't laugh or act surprised you may have a good screen of preferences too

That's very true, I had a coffee date last week and we were comparing dating war stories. I have not laughed as much in months and I'll definitely see him again.

He had stories about women too, one woman actually followed him home after an unsuccessful date and another brought him a contract in case they were going to have sex!

It's quite hard to do if that someone with a certain something happens to appear on the horizon though, Lana (or I find it is anyhoo?

It's very hard to stop analysing. I'm starting to like my date but I'm holding back a bit because it's not been very long and you never really know people. I'm busy busy which helps and I genuinely have a very full life. I'm also weighing him up as well. It's easy to forget to do that when we're so absorbed in whether they like us.